Dropsie

Fantastic, Leonidas. Three days is huge.

For me, it was about making the decision -- I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. And the acceptance that I will never be "fixed" when it comes to drinking. And that that is OK, because not drinking is better as it allows me to live life fully.

Then just do whatever it takes to keep to your comittment, which varies for all of us. But whatever it is -- do it. Try it. Try something else. I loved this place and Hip Sobriety, others AA, whatever it is that speaks to you.

We are here for you.

Leonidas

Thx Dropsie. 3 days is huge but 12 days is even better lol.

Day 12, Go Colts!!!!!!

Leonidas

Last night was a tough one. Had a buddy want to come over and drink with me. I recently moved out the city to an acreage and usually jump at the chance to have company out here. Was super hard saying no. But did.

courage2

You made the right decision!

Was he a close-enough buddy that you told him you'd quit, or did you just beg off?

Usually I just smile and say, sorry, can't do tonight. There are people I've been doing that with for years -- eventually they stop asking. Some of them stop asking at all -- they really just want drinking company. Some learn that you're still a buddy, just not for that -- maybe you can have a golf game or go biking with them, and just skip the drinking after. One or two become a supporter of your sobriety. And you'll also make new friends, especially as you learn to live life in interesting ways that don't rely on booze.

Leonidas

I told him the truth, he was fine with it. He knows I haven't had a drink since Dec 31st. Probably bothered me more than him lol. Told him we'll do lunch soon.

Leonidas

Day 13

courage2

Nice! If you can do it so far, you can do it all the way!

Leonidas

Thx courage. This weekend was tough, can't lie.

dwtbd

I quit like five years ago, the ideas that more booze would be : welcome, awesome, good , neutral ect ect can percolate and even occasionally rise to the top. Easily dismissed, and quite literally laughed off , when the real me (tm) knows the score as to more booze those ideas are ridiculous, their ridiculousness itself isn't enough to make them disappear for ever, but the more times you scoff at them the less 'tough' the scoffing feels , you got this

Leonidas

Thanks dwtbd. It certainly is tough in the early days. I keep hearing it gets better/easier in the later days/years. I plan on finding out first hand this time.

courage2

Leonidas -- I've got to confess, it was tough for me for quite a while. I tell you that so you'll be prepared. I don't know how old you are, or your drinking pattern, but I was a daily drinker for decades and physically as well as psychologically dependent. My life revolved around alcohol and I'd never had an adult anything without it playing a part.

Not telling you that to scare you, but just so that, when you're still sometimes fighting w/your demons at 2 a.m. and it's been 6 months already, you remember, every day you don't drink, you've done a good thing. That's true no matter how much time you have.

listae

You're inspiring. Saying no to a drinking buddy is not easy and it's a big step. Congratulations.

Leonidas

Well no pat on the backs here. I F'd up last night unfortunately. Guess I didn't want it as bad as I thought *sigh*. Day 1.

dwtbd

There’s a silver lining here , believe it or not.

You get to make the rules , you could look at last night as a failure to ward off ‘relapse’ . Or you can flip It on its head and see it as a success.

You succeeded in talking yourself into more booze. You can decide right now, this second , to plan to always fail at that.

I used AVRT(great threads here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum on these ideas) to flip all my pro more booze thinking on its head.

In AVRT (Addictive Voice Recogniton Technique) the AV is any thought , positive feeling or image of future drinking and any doubt in your ability to remain abstinent.

At some point last night your AV got YOU to agree with IT.

IT got YOU to decide YOU didn’t want to be free of IT.

Is that true ? Does the real You , the truer ,more authentic rational self not want to be free of the bondage of indulging the desire for more booze?

Two days ago I doubt you would have said you didn’t want to be free of it, when did you talk yourself out of that ? When as in what specific point in the evening did you let the AV start running the show ?

Find that point in time and examine what specifically you were thinking , the thought that lead you to tip the glass. Find that thought , that ‘tipping’ point , that point was when You succeeded in letting IT run the show.

It really isn’t a mystery how it happens , recognizing that moment and separating from acting on Its desire is where all the magic happens.

You can do it , Rootin for ya

courage2

Leonidas (can I call you Leo?) you got 13 days consecutive right? Like I said, if you can make it that long, you can make it so you never drink again. That's what I think anyway -- once the physical dependency is sorted out, the rest is all mindgames. Refuse to play.

I relapsed after 1 year. Why? Because I started playing mindgames. I got the idea that I could be a wild woman, and I nurtured it, and chose it. But when it came down to the act, I wasn't wild, I was a pathetic drunk. Knowing that - really knowing that - was the turning point.

There are other, decent, wonderful things to do with your life, right in front of you. Get good and sober, and one day you'll find you can see them and do them. But as long as you keep drinking, you'll keep closed from the chance of a better life.

Take it easy today and don't drink.

listae

At least you are being honest: so, a part of you must want to stay sober. You can do it!

Leonidas

Thx guys. I know exactly what the problem was the other night but just haven't figured out a way to fix it yet. It was the one part that was missing from my plan but the part I consider to be most important. I really need to find something I enjoy doing with the time I use to drink. Or else extreme boredom takes over and seems like I can only fight that so long. It wasn't even a craving for alcohol that made me fold, it was the thought of making it through another long night, bored straight out of my mind. It literally drives me crazy after a while.

dwtbd

That sounds weird.

Drinking , or rather not drinking isn’t a problem. Boredom is.

You didn’t really have a desire for a drink , but the non endurable pain of boredom was coincidentally ameliorated by consuming alcohol.

That’s weird.

Leonidas

Yes. I would say that is fairly accurate. I mean of course drinking is a problem but the two(extreme boredom and drinking) certainly go hand and hand for me.

Long periods of boredom are literally torture for me. Not sure if it's because of my ADHD or if it's just the way I am. Been like this all my life though.

However when I drink I'm never bored. Time goes by in a flash it seems. It is weird though, I agree.

None the less I feel as though if I could find something I enjoy doing to occupy my old drinking time this would help me immensely.

Lonewolf22

I suppose one positive way of looking at it is 1 drunk night in 15 days is an improvement. I sometimes think it is inevitable that a lot of us will test the water many times before giving up completely. I think the good thing is you haven't continued the drinking and have spoke about it honestly good luck moving ahead buddy 👍