Tetrax

I'd say love and connection but I'd rather rely on something I can control. I guess that's why booze has been so prevalent, its reliability (as long as there's enough money).

I exercise but after an hour or so of recovering the void reappears. I try to watch movies sober but the void is always there, the elephant in the room.

It's just always there - certainly of an evening - watching and waiting. Waiting for me to get the hell on with it, waiting for me to drink.

Anna

Maybe you could try taking on a new hobby or activity to keep you busy. Or you could call a friend for coffee or get outside and doing something active. I think that distracting yourself can be a big help.

Guener

I understand what you are talking about, it takes a while to feel relaxed after stopping the alcohol, when your habit is halted.

You can feel really agitated, and even distraction is difficult.

In the evening you might find it helpful to make yourself some herbal tea to enjoy. Make yourself a nice meal and enjoy the process of preparing the food, preparing a nice table setting, and some mineral water to drink. A hot bath or shower is relaxing. Just a couple thoughts.

I don't have a complete laundry list to help out, while others will possibly offer up ideas that work for them. It is just part of a hard ending to a bad relationship of drinking that I went through for a while. Find out things that work to make a new routine that is helpful, that's what I did.

If that AV rears its head, post here before you pick up.

Ghostlight1

I understand. Alcohol is oh so reliable.
At the end, I was drinking in the morning. Eight am. All to fill the void of the day. And, of course, by then I was addicted to alcohol and had little hope of any kind of recovery.
I found AA filled the void and I would leave a meeting filled with a certain kind of fulfillment.
That I wasn't alone. That there are people just like I was.
Their stories informed me of just how low you can go by drinking alcoholicly. And I did. For over twenty years.

You don't say if you've strung together some sober time.
I found, and it was very difficult, that I could live sober.
It took me years to come to that conclusion, but I had become so desperate I was willing to try anything to stay sober.
I had to go to any length I was told. I had to want to stay sober more than I wanted to drink and those rooms full of like minded people helped.
I learned from them what a dead end street alcoholism is.
I came here and read about others struggles. I read about people who found a way to stay sober.

I hit a very low bottom. Nothing filled the void of not drinking. And I wasn't alone.
I've been sober now for ten years and there isn't enough time in the day for me to enjoy the freedom that sobriety brings.
I've found peace.
I found I like myself sober.
The more sober time I got, the more I didn't want to drink any longer.

It takes work. It takes action. It takes more than just getting by the day waiting for a drink of old reliable.
Save yourself some misery, and do the same. Go to any length.

What that is is up to you. I found I couldn't be complacent.
The void of not drinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you have to want it, sobriety.
I wish you the best. I've been where you are for years. Now I'm not.
Best to you.

least

To fill the time and space I poured myself into my dogs and cats. Gave them more attention and better care. Their devotion is a big factor in my staying sober, cause they love me so much I can't drink and neglect their care.

Dee74

Maybe stop trying to fill the void with stuff and try healing it instead?

First phase for me was no more booze, second phase was learning to accommodate a little discomfort and the fear in doing that.

Third phase is letting go of the reins a little - in many ways the hardest step of all.

Having to control everything kept me drinking.

Letting go and letting things happen was scary but ultimately very freeing.

D

fini

yes, ha!
we’d all rather it was something we can control!
love and connection sounds right to me, and it is not controllable and takes effort and dedication. .the void i experienced is not fillable with controllable things. only with something “meaningful”, and the things i can control somehow haven’t fit that bill.
drink is a fake-fill. ersatz.

plop

Try to learn to think that there's no void to fill, because if it's the kind of existential void I suppose it is, and not just cravings, nothing's ever going to fill it.

The good thing is that actually there is no void. It only exists as long as you stay attached to it. When you let go of it, it disappears.

Sorry for sounding like a cheap guru, but don't stay with your void. Keep moving. Let it go.

MantaLady

Like Dee said so eloquently what worked for me was taking action to heal the void rather than fill it. My void was created by not enjoying my own company, not liking or loving myself and being uncomfortable in my own skin. The drink used to bridge that gap for me and once it was out of the picture I just didn't know what to do. I started to work on myself and use some CBT tools to try and understand my thinking and challenge my thoughts and perceptions so I could have a healthier view on things. Slowly I started to become less and less comfortable. Focussing on your needs rather than wants was also important for me as I had spent so much time focussing on what I wanted and not what was best for me. Getting a good sleep pattern, eating 3 healthy meals a day at the same time, going walking every day, cooking from recipie books, reading and posting here, going to my online recovery meetings, de-cluttering my home and getting rid of clothes and possessions I was hoarding that were really a weight on my shoulders, working on only being in the present (not yesterday, not tomorrow....just today), stopped watching so much TV/news and social media as that was always full of people that made me feel inadequate with their wonderful lives and things I could never have, social media where everyone was judging and bitching at each other and news that just depressed me and made me feel like "what's the point as were all fu$ked anyway".

I don't feel that void in the same way anymore, I don't feel like something is missing and now I can recognise that when I do have a similar feeling it's always down to something I am thinking and feeling that I need to work on or deal with in a more healthy way. Having the ability to notice this and then try to heal my thinking to something more positive and realistic has been the key to not feeling the void as much. xx

SnazzyDresser

Existentialists would say that the void is just what being alive feels like. It's not waiting for anything particularly, and it probably doesn't care whether you drink or not.

brighterday1234