I understand. Alcohol is oh so reliable.
At the end, I was drinking in the morning. Eight am. All to fill the void of the day. And, of course, by then I was addicted to alcohol and had little hope of any kind of recovery.
I found AA filled the void and I would leave a meeting filled with a certain kind of fulfillment.
That I wasn't alone. That there are people just like I was.
Their stories informed me of just how low you can go by drinking alcoholicly. And I did. For over twenty years.
You don't say if you've strung together some sober time.
I found, and it was very difficult, that I could live sober.
It took me years to come to that conclusion, but I had become so desperate I was willing to try anything to stay sober.
I had to go to any length I was told. I had to want to stay sober more than I wanted to drink and those rooms full of like minded people helped.
I learned from them what a dead end street alcoholism is.
I came here and read about others struggles. I read about people who found a way to stay sober.
I hit a very low bottom. Nothing filled the void of not drinking. And I wasn't alone.
I've been sober now for ten years and there isn't enough time in the day for me to enjoy the freedom that sobriety brings.
I've found peace.
I found I like myself sober.
The more sober time I got, the more I didn't want to drink any longer.
It takes work. It takes action. It takes more than just getting by the day waiting for a drink of old reliable.
Save yourself some misery, and do the same. Go to any length.
What that is is up to you. I found I couldn't be complacent.
The void of not drinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you have to want it, sobriety.
I wish you the best. I've been where you are for years. Now I'm not.
Best to you.