Day 2 here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Day 2 here
Yesterday was the dreaded shakes and chills. Today was able to recover pretty strongly, and not drink. Feels good, but I know this feeling and I wish not wanting drink can just stay within and have sobriety not just be sober.
Funny story maybe not haha funny, but I just shrugged and laughed inside. So after my string of DUI's a few years back I ended up getting more than 12 points on my driving record. Which means I have to retake the online(written) test along with the actual driving test to get my license re-instated. So I went to the DMV about 1 1/2 years ago to get it re-instated once my revoked period was over. I walk into the dmv to expect to go take the written test, but instead to my baffled self they tell me to just pay the re-instate fee and I good to go heres your paper license and your DL will be mailed to you.
Go to the future which was about almost a month ago to the recent job I just lost due to drinking no doubt. In order for me to get employee parking I have to have my DL ran and it came back as cancelled. I'm thinking why the hell is it cancelled. Come to find out the DL I received that I just had to pay fees on was cancelled because the requirements weren't met. So here I'am 1 1/2 years later having know idea my DL was no good.
Lets move to the present. I go take care of all that stuff, the written test and then the drivers test 3 damn times later I finally pass. 3 weeks later my insurance is cancelled cause I cant pay the bill and my registration is no good because I cant pay that along with my vehicle monthly thats now 42 days late. Yup all because of drinking. The icing on the cake is now my left front headlight is out. Talk about a moving target now. I laughed because I JUST get my license squared, but everything else about driving isnt. LOL
Sorry for the ramble.
I'm still sober though. So, I guess thats a good thing.
Funny story maybe not haha funny, but I just shrugged and laughed inside. So after my string of DUI's a few years back I ended up getting more than 12 points on my driving record. Which means I have to retake the online(written) test along with the actual driving test to get my license re-instated. So I went to the DMV about 1 1/2 years ago to get it re-instated once my revoked period was over. I walk into the dmv to expect to go take the written test, but instead to my baffled self they tell me to just pay the re-instate fee and I good to go heres your paper license and your DL will be mailed to you.
Go to the future which was about almost a month ago to the recent job I just lost due to drinking no doubt. In order for me to get employee parking I have to have my DL ran and it came back as cancelled. I'm thinking why the hell is it cancelled. Come to find out the DL I received that I just had to pay fees on was cancelled because the requirements weren't met. So here I'am 1 1/2 years later having know idea my DL was no good.
Lets move to the present. I go take care of all that stuff, the written test and then the drivers test 3 damn times later I finally pass. 3 weeks later my insurance is cancelled cause I cant pay the bill and my registration is no good because I cant pay that along with my vehicle monthly thats now 42 days late. Yup all because of drinking. The icing on the cake is now my left front headlight is out. Talk about a moving target now. I laughed because I JUST get my license squared, but everything else about driving isnt. LOL
Sorry for the ramble.
I'm still sober though. So, I guess thats a good thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Getitright,
I am new to this forum and recovery. Of course I also want to stay sober. I like reading everyone's posts and I truly hope everyone will maintain lifelong sobriety.
I have read through many of your previous posts. I want to say thank you for staying on this forum and being so open and honest. You deserve to have a happy life. I cant say just being sober will bring you happiness, but I know drinking will only bring more pain and difficulties.
Your posts also make me a bit nervous. you have had multiple 30 days and longer steaks without drinking but they have all ended. Of course, there are many others that this happens to as well. I am brand new to recovery and I really need this to work.
Do you know why you end up eventually drinking again after 30 days or more sober? When you do decide to have a drink after a sober streak do you tell yourself "this time I'll keep it under control?" Why do you think this time sobriety will stick? Do you have any advice for a person like me who is new to recovery? Sorry about all the questions, of course you dont have to answer them.
I am new to this forum and recovery. Of course I also want to stay sober. I like reading everyone's posts and I truly hope everyone will maintain lifelong sobriety.
I have read through many of your previous posts. I want to say thank you for staying on this forum and being so open and honest. You deserve to have a happy life. I cant say just being sober will bring you happiness, but I know drinking will only bring more pain and difficulties.
Your posts also make me a bit nervous. you have had multiple 30 days and longer steaks without drinking but they have all ended. Of course, there are many others that this happens to as well. I am brand new to recovery and I really need this to work.
Do you know why you end up eventually drinking again after 30 days or more sober? When you do decide to have a drink after a sober streak do you tell yourself "this time I'll keep it under control?" Why do you think this time sobriety will stick? Do you have any advice for a person like me who is new to recovery? Sorry about all the questions, of course you dont have to answer them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Sure, I have no problem answering, and would love to help anyway I can.
Well, I think at times I have gotten to comfortable with the situations, like this previous time was an argument that brought up some old feelings. I was walking on eggshells with myself. I wasn't sure how to feel about anything(next job, depressed, marriage, finances, etc). Looking at the mess instead of 1 problem at a time 1 day at a time. It is easy to make yourself overwhelmed after a sea of carnage left behind cause of drinking. I don't put limits on myself such as this time etc because I don't know the future, but I can say that I know I want sobriety.
My wife asked me tonight if I was a dry drunk. I told her NO I'm not because what am I missing right now about actually drinking?
Nothing, I look at myself in the mirror everyday drunk or not, and I see a shell of himself. Do I want to bounce back? Hell yea I do. As far as advice. Everyone one will tell you that you have to want it more than anyone else wants you to be sober. Alcohol is a cunning, baffling and powerful monster. I'm still on the AA path and still have my sponsor and grandsponsor, but the same time its not easy. Nobody said it was going to be either. All you can do is pick yourself, and tomorrow will be here in no time. Go to sleep sober tonight you will be guaranteed to wake up the same way. My grandsponsor told me about a month ago " You've been kicking your own ass..when are you going to put down the shovel and stop digging?"
If you havent dug yourself a hole yet please dont. I want to see others succeed just as badly as I want to succeed.
Do you know why you end up eventually drinking again after 30 days or more sober? When you do decide to have a drink after a sober streak do you tell yourself "this time I'll keep it under control?" Why do you think this time sobriety will stick? Do you have any advice for a person like me who is new to recovery? Sorry about all the questions, of course you dont have to answer them.
Well, I think at times I have gotten to comfortable with the situations, like this previous time was an argument that brought up some old feelings. I was walking on eggshells with myself. I wasn't sure how to feel about anything(next job, depressed, marriage, finances, etc). Looking at the mess instead of 1 problem at a time 1 day at a time. It is easy to make yourself overwhelmed after a sea of carnage left behind cause of drinking. I don't put limits on myself such as this time etc because I don't know the future, but I can say that I know I want sobriety.
My wife asked me tonight if I was a dry drunk. I told her NO I'm not because what am I missing right now about actually drinking?
Nothing, I look at myself in the mirror everyday drunk or not, and I see a shell of himself. Do I want to bounce back? Hell yea I do. As far as advice. Everyone one will tell you that you have to want it more than anyone else wants you to be sober. Alcohol is a cunning, baffling and powerful monster. I'm still on the AA path and still have my sponsor and grandsponsor, but the same time its not easy. Nobody said it was going to be either. All you can do is pick yourself, and tomorrow will be here in no time. Go to sleep sober tonight you will be guaranteed to wake up the same way. My grandsponsor told me about a month ago " You've been kicking your own ass..when are you going to put down the shovel and stop digging?"
If you havent dug yourself a hole yet please dont. I want to see others succeed just as badly as I want to succeed.
Originally Posted by Rd2quit 
Do you know why you end up eventually drinking again after 30 days or more sober? When you do decide to have a drink after a sober streak do you tell yourself "this time I'll keep it under control?" Why do you think this time sobriety will stick? Do you have any advice for a person like me who is new to recovery? Sorry about all the questions, of course you dont have to answer them.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Getitright - thank you for responding. I can relate to a lot of what you said. Having arguments is definitely a big trigger. Since I quit drinking my wife and I have not had a big argument. Last week though I did feel like she undermined me in front of the kids when were talking about what to do with some of there old toys. I got upset and decided the best thing to do was go upstairs and read SR posts for about 30 minutes till it was time to put the kids to bed. I put them to bed, then talked with my wife about why it upset me. I was able to make it through but that was a very small issue. At some point we will certainly have a big argument and I will need to be prepared to deal that.
I know the term dry drunk but I dont think I am one even though occasionally I do miss drinking. Sometimes I really want to get drunk but I don't want to deal with the consequences. Most of the time though I am happy being sober.
I have dug myself a hole and I need to not dig anymore. My behavior during my binges and blackouts cannot be undone. However, I know drinking will only continue to cause problems.
I really need this sobriety to work. Thank you again for your help.
I know the term dry drunk but I dont think I am one even though occasionally I do miss drinking. Sometimes I really want to get drunk but I don't want to deal with the consequences. Most of the time though I am happy being sober.
I have dug myself a hole and I need to not dig anymore. My behavior during my binges and blackouts cannot be undone. However, I know drinking will only continue to cause problems.
I really need this sobriety to work. Thank you again for your help.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Being a dry drunk isn’t about missing alcohol or still wanting to drink. It’s a term used when someone is not drinking but has not and is not addressing the underlying emotional and mental issues that lead to wanting to self medicate. Giving up drinking and “white knuckling” recovery doesn’t lead to lasting sobriety. Unless you start to make changes and work on yourself and how you view the world sobriety can feel like a punishment.
Keep fighting getitright, you’ll get there x
Rd2quit, if you are aware that a big argument will trigger you start to make a plan now on what you will do if it happens so you can stay on the right path. Being aware is a great first step but what you do about it is where the real growth and strength will come from x
Keep fighting getitright, you’ll get there x
Rd2quit, if you are aware that a big argument will trigger you start to make a plan now on what you will do if it happens so you can stay on the right path. Being aware is a great first step but what you do about it is where the real growth and strength will come from x
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Mantalady - thank you for your reply. An argument would be one of many triggers. Right now Friday evenings have been a major trigger. I have two plans on how to insure I dont drink. I signed up for weekly therapy sessions and I use SR all the time. The peice of advice I received on this site so far was a post that I believe was from Anna. She said something along the lines of "the most determining factor for long term sobriety is motivation." Also, the one day at a time, or one moment at a time, really helps. I don't need to worry about tomorrow, today I will not drink.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't like the terms "dry drunk" nor "trigger."
Dry drunk is just a derogatory label that some people use to describe an array of dysfunctional behavior trying to blame it on the past alcoholism. Once I put down the alcohol, "drunk" didn't apply anymore, and dry drunk is just name-calling. That would have to fall into the category of, "Things I don't believe if you say it about me."
The triggers? Again, no such thing. Once I quit there was no thing, person, place, discussion, emotion or anything else that would lead to me drinking.
I don't drink. No matter what.
I find other solutions. Triggers to me mean, "A reason/excuse to drink."
I took away all reasons and excuses. I was done. I am done.
Dry drunk is just a derogatory label that some people use to describe an array of dysfunctional behavior trying to blame it on the past alcoholism. Once I put down the alcohol, "drunk" didn't apply anymore, and dry drunk is just name-calling. That would have to fall into the category of, "Things I don't believe if you say it about me."
The triggers? Again, no such thing. Once I quit there was no thing, person, place, discussion, emotion or anything else that would lead to me drinking.
I don't drink. No matter what.
I find other solutions. Triggers to me mean, "A reason/excuse to drink."
I took away all reasons and excuses. I was done. I am done.
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Day 3 now, getright - congratulations on reclaiming your life with courage & optimism. The dui nightmare - I've been there too. Hard to believe we sabotaged ourselves that way.
Thank you for a valuable discussion - much appreciated.
Thank you for a valuable discussion - much appreciated.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Binimiblue - I get what you are saying about the term "dry drunk." I guess I dont necessarily know what it means but it sure seams like an oxymoron. Are you drinking or are you not? Is pretty straight forward question.
I have to disagree about the word trigger. I'm only on day 43 but most moments of that entire time I have no desire to drink. Then there are moments, Friday evening is a big one, and watching NFL football another, where I want to drink. I would call this a trigger. When these moments hit what do I do? For example, Fridays I know if I head straight home and post to SR the desire to drink quickly reduces, and is gone after a couple of hours. What are your thoughts?
I have to disagree about the word trigger. I'm only on day 43 but most moments of that entire time I have no desire to drink. Then there are moments, Friday evening is a big one, and watching NFL football another, where I want to drink. I would call this a trigger. When these moments hit what do I do? For example, Fridays I know if I head straight home and post to SR the desire to drink quickly reduces, and is gone after a couple of hours. What are your thoughts?
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Hey getitright, today is day 3!
I hope you are well and continuing to feel better.
Someone here recently shared this quote: “don’t look back because that is not the direction you are going “. I like this for you. And for me too
Stay strong and commit to never drinking again! What is your plan and how have you changed your thinking and behavior to stay sober for good?
I hope you are well and continuing to feel better.
Someone here recently shared this quote: “don’t look back because that is not the direction you are going “. I like this for you. And for me too
Stay strong and commit to never drinking again! What is your plan and how have you changed your thinking and behavior to stay sober for good?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,976
Biminiblue, I don’t like the term “dry drunk” either and believe it is a bit derogatory. What it means to me, however, is that you can be a recovered or recovering alcoholic and still act like a drunk person in this sense that you lack emotional sobriety. Or in a general sense, emotional intelligence. In that sense, anybody in the world can be a dry drunk, even those who never had a drinking problem. It’s important for me to remember because what it took for me to get sober for good is to increase my emotional intelligence and mental and spiritual existence.
As for “triggers”, I agree it’s just another term for “excuse”. At the same time, I think the term should be respected, especially in early sobriety or in the cycle of sober/relapse. It is very important to identify early on what are the circumstances, behavior and thinking (triggers) that lead to drinking so that one can begin to change the thinking and behavior to form new habits as alternatives to drinking. To me, it’s a brain chemical interaction that gets reinforced by habits.
It is inspiring to know that nothing “triggers” you. I think most experience some feeling of being triggered, especially early on, that passes with time when we commit to staying sober.
As for “triggers”, I agree it’s just another term for “excuse”. At the same time, I think the term should be respected, especially in early sobriety or in the cycle of sober/relapse. It is very important to identify early on what are the circumstances, behavior and thinking (triggers) that lead to drinking so that one can begin to change the thinking and behavior to form new habits as alternatives to drinking. To me, it’s a brain chemical interaction that gets reinforced by habits.
It is inspiring to know that nothing “triggers” you. I think most experience some feeling of being triggered, especially early on, that passes with time when we commit to staying sober.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I agree with you to Bim, dry drunk is for me quite an offensive thing to call anyone and if someone said it to me it would really get my back up and I would probably tell them go go forth and multiply!
I have been reading the Russell Brand Recovery book and I really liked something he said about working a programme and that we are all working one. In sobriety you choose a programme to work to that is positive and if your not doing that too are working the default pre-programme that controls you and decides for you what direction you take and how you react. Triggers for me are just bad programming, I get odd times where something I do leads me to a thought of “wine would be great now” but it feels like a default thought rather than the new ones I am trying to program. The more I follow the new programme the less these thoughts happen x
I have been reading the Russell Brand Recovery book and I really liked something he said about working a programme and that we are all working one. In sobriety you choose a programme to work to that is positive and if your not doing that too are working the default pre-programme that controls you and decides for you what direction you take and how you react. Triggers for me are just bad programming, I get odd times where something I do leads me to a thought of “wine would be great now” but it feels like a default thought rather than the new ones I am trying to program. The more I follow the new programme the less these thoughts happen x
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Well, of course a former drunk will WANT to drink. I still have thoughts of having a drink. I don't call that a "Trigger" because language and context is important.
Trigger to me is an action in this context. A verb, as it were. If I am "triggered" it means to me that an outside force is causing a reaction in me. I choose not to be triggered, because if I am triggered that means I am allowing something to trigger me and I am abdicating my power of choice. I can't control what thoughts and associations pop into my head, but I can control the action I take in response.
Thoughts of drinking are something totally different. I can have thoughts about all kinds of things - and I do...all day long. I don't act on those thoughts and I don't see a thought as a trigger. It's a thought, easily dismissed as are so many other thoughts.
Semantics, I guess. I just am careful how I phrase things in my mind.
Early sober days, everything reminded me of drinking. I wasn't triggered into actually taking the drink. (You know, you pull a trigger and an action happens; a shot will be fired. I just don't touch the trigger in my head. I don't want to shoot myself.)
The thoughts died down in time, and as I continued to dismiss them. So they aren't triggers to drink, they're just memories and prior associations.
Tomato/tomahto
Leave it to a bunch of over-thinkers like us to over-think everything!
Trigger to me is an action in this context. A verb, as it were. If I am "triggered" it means to me that an outside force is causing a reaction in me. I choose not to be triggered, because if I am triggered that means I am allowing something to trigger me and I am abdicating my power of choice. I can't control what thoughts and associations pop into my head, but I can control the action I take in response.
Thoughts of drinking are something totally different. I can have thoughts about all kinds of things - and I do...all day long. I don't act on those thoughts and I don't see a thought as a trigger. It's a thought, easily dismissed as are so many other thoughts.
Semantics, I guess. I just am careful how I phrase things in my mind.
Early sober days, everything reminded me of drinking. I wasn't triggered into actually taking the drink. (You know, you pull a trigger and an action happens; a shot will be fired. I just don't touch the trigger in my head. I don't want to shoot myself.)
The thoughts died down in time, and as I continued to dismiss them. So they aren't triggers to drink, they're just memories and prior associations.
Tomato/tomahto
Leave it to a bunch of over-thinkers like us to over-think everything!
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