He said He moves in with me or he’s moving on
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Once he realizes you won't capitulate to his demand, most likely he will backpedal and try to reel you in again with guilt and kindness / manipulation.
It sounds like he was banking on this to possibly protect himself financially and otherwise with your security to back him up.
Something is fishy. Trust your gut and keep your independence. If you let him in the door, it is really hard legally to get him out again.
It sounds like he was banking on this to possibly protect himself financially and otherwise with your security to back him up.
Something is fishy. Trust your gut and keep your independence. If you let him in the door, it is really hard legally to get him out again.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
He moves in with you or he is moving on? What happened to his job of taking care of you and cherishing you? You are the prize here. Do you feel special and safe with him? If not, he does not deserve you.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Originally Posted by fini 
wow. sounds like aggressive bullying and attempts to punish you for taking care of yourself.
moving on for him is a suggestion you might want to thoroughly encourage him to do, hurt notwithstanding.
moving on for him is a suggestion you might want to thoroughly encourage him to do, hurt notwithstanding.
(((hugs)))
How is your self care today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
Wow!
Thanks for all the support!
What I did for myself today, is be thankful for the power in my sobriety—to ask for help here, not Catastrophize My jumbled vacillating feelings (I.e., stayed calm), DID NOT TEXT OR CALL him, read about safely exiting controlling relationships, stayed focused at work, took a 2 Mile walk, called my sister to vent more, and went to Home Depot and Lowe’s to look at new door locks .
And that last one is because you see, he came over without asking about 2 1/2 weeks ago to “clean out my garage“. He has a garage door opener to my homey. I happened to notice that my spare key for the door between the house in the garage was missing after that. I asked him did he see that large green (Really, size of your palm) Keychain and he said he ‘accidentally’ put it in his bag .
When I asked him if he had made a copy of it, he got all bent out of shape and asked me why I didn’t trust him and why would he ever do such a thing .
So. Planning on feeling more secure by Friday when I install them.
Oh. And I just had a handful of Gira deli semi sweet mini chocolate morsels and a handful of California roasted almonds
.
Hugs back at all of you,
Thanks for all the support!
What I did for myself today, is be thankful for the power in my sobriety—to ask for help here, not Catastrophize My jumbled vacillating feelings (I.e., stayed calm), DID NOT TEXT OR CALL him, read about safely exiting controlling relationships, stayed focused at work, took a 2 Mile walk, called my sister to vent more, and went to Home Depot and Lowe’s to look at new door locks .
And that last one is because you see, he came over without asking about 2 1/2 weeks ago to “clean out my garage“. He has a garage door opener to my homey. I happened to notice that my spare key for the door between the house in the garage was missing after that. I asked him did he see that large green (Really, size of your palm) Keychain and he said he ‘accidentally’ put it in his bag .
When I asked him if he had made a copy of it, he got all bent out of shape and asked me why I didn’t trust him and why would he ever do such a thing .
So. Planning on feeling more secure by Friday when I install them.
Oh. And I just had a handful of Gira deli semi sweet mini chocolate morsels and a handful of California roasted almonds
.
Hugs back at all of you,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Right now it’s like you are in a boxing ring and he’s going to just keep taking jabs at you while you stay in there taking it. Eventually if you stay in there long enough you’ll just want to throw in the white towel, he’ll move in and you will become a hostage in your own home.
The only way to break away from a controlling alcoholic is to cut them off. End it by saying you wish to have no more contact with him. Good bye. Then remember no new contact = no new hurts.
Alcoholics don’t have relationships – they take hostages. You have the ability today to free yourself from being his hostage and if you don’t then you are volunteering to continue to be one.
The only way to break away from a controlling alcoholic is to cut them off. End it by saying you wish to have no more contact with him. Good bye. Then remember no new contact = no new hurts.
Alcoholics don’t have relationships – they take hostages. You have the ability today to free yourself from being his hostage and if you don’t then you are volunteering to continue to be one.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
I had originally said I want to wait until my kids graduate from high school next summer......now there’s a need for me to lock that in as a promise ?
Do I smell fish?
Do I smell fish?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
wow, Free2bme, excellent self-care and smarts about the locks.
i hadn't even thought of safety in this regard...but you did, and clearly with good reason.
wow. sounds like he has a duplicate key. so relieved you are taking charge and taking care.
i hadn't even thought of safety in this regard...but you did, and clearly with good reason.
wow. sounds like he has a duplicate key. so relieved you are taking charge and taking care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
Thanks fini.
It will be good, priced them out and it will be expensive and a pain. But worth it
Feeling foolish today, heart a little achy but must be strong to change and grow.
Must forge a different and better path, and realize it’s uncomfortable at the beginning.
It will be good, priced them out and it will be expensive and a pain. But worth it
Feeling foolish today, heart a little achy but must be strong to change and grow.
Must forge a different and better path, and realize it’s uncomfortable at the beginning.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Change those locks asap, for your own peace of mind and safety.
That he still has access to the house is creeping me out.
The most dangerous time for someone leaving a controller is when they are leaving the controller.
Not saying he would do anything. I don’t know him.
But...red flag, red flag.
And scramble or otherwise disable the garage door opener too.
In my area, we just had a terrible DV incident that ended in the woman’s death.
Not trying to scare anyone.
Simply saying that it is real and it happens.
I apologize if I am overreacting.
That he still has access to the house is creeping me out.
The most dangerous time for someone leaving a controller is when they are leaving the controller.
Not saying he would do anything. I don’t know him.
But...red flag, red flag.
And scramble or otherwise disable the garage door opener too.
In my area, we just had a terrible DV incident that ended in the woman’s death.
Not trying to scare anyone.
Simply saying that it is real and it happens.
I apologize if I am overreacting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
Update.
I have changed the manual code to garage to get in, changing the remote tonight, and switching locks tomorrow afternoon
He is refusing to meet with me in public, so I am getting ready to cut all of my losses as they are .
I have changed the manual code to garage to get in, changing the remote tonight, and switching locks tomorrow afternoon
He is refusing to meet with me in public, so I am getting ready to cut all of my losses as they are .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
He will very likely show up at your house when you tell him you don't want to meet. Don't let him in, and call the police. Get locks changed before you tell him.
Sorry to be paranoid, but these things can get really weird fast--especially if he tries to use the opener or the key he says he doesn't have.
Sometimes they make a loud scene so you will let them in out of embarrassment (neighbors). Don't fall for that one.
Sorry to be paranoid, but these things can get really weird fast--especially if he tries to use the opener or the key he says he doesn't have.
Sometimes they make a loud scene so you will let them in out of embarrassment (neighbors). Don't fall for that one.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
And that last one is because you see, he came over without asking about 2 1/2 weeks ago to “clean out my garage“. He has a garage door opener to my homey. I happened to notice that my spare key for the door between the house in the garage was missing after that. I asked him did he see that large green (Really, size of your palm) Keychain and he said he ‘accidentally’ put it in his bag .
When I asked him if he had made a copy of it, he got all bent out of shape and asked me why I didn’t trust him and why would he ever do such a thing .
When I asked him if he had made a copy of it, he got all bent out of shape and asked me why I didn’t trust him and why would he ever do such a thing .
I agree - he's giving you a gift in this ultimatum - take it & run!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
He will very likely show up at your house when you tell him you don't want to meet. Don't let him in, and call the police. Get locks changed before you tell him.
Sorry to be paranoid, but these things can get really weird fast--especially if he tries to use the opener or the key he says he doesn't have.
Sometimes they make a loud scene so you will let them in out of embarrassment (neighbors). Don't fall for that one.
Sorry to be paranoid, but these things can get really weird fast--especially if he tries to use the opener or the key he says he doesn't have.
Sometimes they make a loud scene so you will let them in out of embarrassment (neighbors). Don't fall for that one.
Free2bme888 you are 100% awesome!
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