Over 50 days wiped. Back to day 1.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Over 50 days wiped. Back to day 1.
Slipped up with a quarter of vodka. I'm not too worried, **** happens, but I'm logging it here.
For the past week I've been craving alcohol so bad. It's been a real mental battle. I haven't been down, or depressed. Quite the opposite actually. I've been decorating the house all week.
Yesterday was Friday and I convinced myself it's the weekend, and it's ok. I convinced myself I'd done so well and it wasn't going to hurt.
I always seem to **** up around this time though. I did 60 days last year and slipped up.
I'm not upset but I do feel like I've let myself down. I don't want to feel guilt, or remorse. I'd rather view it as just a blip and continue with the success. I'll keep telling myself 1 day in 50 is better than 50 days drinking.
I'll have to start checking in more often as you guys could have maybe helped me kick the cravings last night.
Complacency is a real bitch.
For the past week I've been craving alcohol so bad. It's been a real mental battle. I haven't been down, or depressed. Quite the opposite actually. I've been decorating the house all week.
Yesterday was Friday and I convinced myself it's the weekend, and it's ok. I convinced myself I'd done so well and it wasn't going to hurt.
I always seem to **** up around this time though. I did 60 days last year and slipped up.
I'm not upset but I do feel like I've let myself down. I don't want to feel guilt, or remorse. I'd rather view it as just a blip and continue with the success. I'll keep telling myself 1 day in 50 is better than 50 days drinking.
I'll have to start checking in more often as you guys could have maybe helped me kick the cravings last night.
Complacency is a real bitch.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm sorry you drank 16 years.
I definitely agree its futile to beat yourself up, but I think you need to be a little more engaged than '**** happens' too.
No one ever truly loses sober time - you have a little bit of fore knowledge and a few learned skills now.
If relapsing every 50 or 60 days is not good enough for you (and it shouldn't be)
you can use this relapse to beat the addiction for good
you've blasted off from planet addiction but now you need to achieve escape velocity and never look back.
Do you think you need to make more changes in your life - in how you solve problems, or boreedom or have ssun ? Do you need more support? do you need to learn to use the support you have nmore effectivly?
Questions like that will help you make a rock solid recovery action plan.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
You never need to feel this way again
D
I definitely agree its futile to beat yourself up, but I think you need to be a little more engaged than '**** happens' too.
No one ever truly loses sober time - you have a little bit of fore knowledge and a few learned skills now.
If relapsing every 50 or 60 days is not good enough for you (and it shouldn't be)
you can use this relapse to beat the addiction for good
you've blasted off from planet addiction but now you need to achieve escape velocity and never look back.
Do you think you need to make more changes in your life - in how you solve problems, or boreedom or have ssun ? Do you need more support? do you need to learn to use the support you have nmore effectivly?
Questions like that will help you make a rock solid recovery action plan.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
You never need to feel this way again
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Oh well start this level again and when you come up against the boss at the end of the level don’t forget to use the special move this time.
I used to work really hard doing chores painting etc. But subconsciously I was doing this to get a reward. Part of my AV’s trickery.
Well done for getting back on the horse.
Good luck
I used to work really hard doing chores painting etc. But subconsciously I was doing this to get a reward. Part of my AV’s trickery.
Well done for getting back on the horse.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Forward12 
What's your plan to make sure this doesn't happen again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Snowydelrico
Oh well start this level again and when you come up against the boss at the end of the level don’t forget to use the special move this time.
I used to work really hard doing chores painting etc. But subconsciously I was doing this to get a reward. Part of my AV’s trickery.
Well done for getting back on the horse.
Good luck
I used to work really hard doing chores painting etc. But subconsciously I was doing this to get a reward. Part of my AV’s trickery.
Well done for getting back on the horse.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Dee74
Do you think you need to make more changes in your life - in how you solve problems, or boreedom or have ssun ? Do you need more support? do you need to learn to use the support you have nmore effectivly?
I don't think I need AA level support, but I do think I need to learn to use the support channels already available to me.
I have ordered a copy of: This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life
... I need to learn more about my addiction to alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk
... I need to learn more about my addiction to alcohol.
maybe..but me thinking that meant I just drank for ten years while I researched.
Eventually I got tired of myself and I just stopped drinking, no matter what.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Dee74
maybe..but me thinking that meant I just drank for ten years while I researched.
Eventually I got tired of myself and I just stopped drinking, no matter what.
D
Eventually I got tired of myself and I just stopped drinking, no matter what.
D
How on earth have you got 160,000 posts! That's one of the highest post counts I've ever seen on any forum. Wow.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Books can definitely help, as long as you're aware that your inner addict can always make drinking sound like a great idea :
'hey man, you're doing great with this recovery deal, but when you finish this book you'll be sober forever..so.why not one last hurrah for the road ?
you've been working on your recovery with your reading-you know a lot more now...it'll just be one night'.
My living amends programme is pretty hardcore LOL
D
'hey man, you're doing great with this recovery deal, but when you finish this book you'll be sober forever..so.why not one last hurrah for the road ?
you've been working on your recovery with your reading-you know a lot more now...it'll just be one night'.
How on earth have you got 160,000 posts! That's one of the highest post counts I've ever seen on any forum. Wow.
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk
TI have ordered a copy of: This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Sorry you slipped 16years, but glad you hopped back into sobriety. Interestingly you slip at 50 or 60 days. I wrote a post a few days ago in which I was ready to cave. Dee told me to go back and read my past posts. What I learned was that I posted something almost identical 4 years earlier at the same amount of days when I was ready to cave then. That gave me pause to examine and tweak my plan and mindset.
I read The Naked Mind. I found it useful in that in that it contained well documented facts about alcohol and alcoholism. I'll probably refer to it from time to time to read those facts again. You can quit now and read the book (or do some research) during your sobriety. Hang in there 16 years. You can do this. ((HUGS))
I read The Naked Mind. I found it useful in that in that it contained well documented facts about alcohol and alcoholism. I'll probably refer to it from time to time to read those facts again. You can quit now and read the book (or do some research) during your sobriety. Hang in there 16 years. You can do this. ((HUGS))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Thank you to everyone on here. This place really does help a lot.
I have had terrible anxiety today as a result. That's enough to remind me how **** alcohol is. I haven't had anxiety much at all since quitting. Today it's been bad.
Note to future self: Remember how bad your anxiety was today. The alcohol isn't worth it.
I have had terrible anxiety today as a result. That's enough to remind me how **** alcohol is. I haven't had anxiety much at all since quitting. Today it's been bad.
Note to future self: Remember how bad your anxiety was today. The alcohol isn't worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Rar
Sorry you slipped 16years, but glad you hopped back into sobriety. Interestingly you slip at 50 or 60 days. I wrote a post a few days ago in which I was ready to cave. Dee told me to go back and read my past posts. What I learned was that I posted something almost identical 4 years earlier at the same amount of days when I was ready to cave then. That gave me pause to examine and tweak my plan and mindset.
I read The Naked Mind. I found it useful in that in that it contained well documented facts about alcohol and alcoholism. I'll probably refer to it from time to time to read those facts again. You can quit now and read the book (or do some research) during your sobriety. Hang in there 16 years. You can do this. ((HUGS))
I read The Naked Mind. I found it useful in that in that it contained well documented facts about alcohol and alcoholism. I'll probably refer to it from time to time to read those facts again. You can quit now and read the book (or do some research) during your sobriety. Hang in there 16 years. You can do this. ((HUGS))
As time goes on I actually find it harder, not easier. A lot of it is down to habit I think. Like, I would usually have a beer to wind down after a long week decorating/renovating. That's what I did in the past. It's no coincidence that the week I've been renovating is the week that's been the hardest.
I am staying on this horse.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
I'm on Day 73, My wanting to cave thoughts happened at Day 69, so we're roughly similar in that regard. Hang in there. Get past it. We can do this!
One other thing - If (when) you get to the 'screw it' thoughts again, post here first. You'll be glad you did.
My wanting to cave thoughts happened at Day 69, so we're roughly similar in that regard. Hang in there. Get past it. We can do this!One other thing - If (when) you get to the 'screw it' thoughts again, post here first. You'll be glad you did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Rar
I'm on Day 73, My wanting to cave thoughts happened at Day 69, so we're roughly similar in that regard. Hang in there. Get past it. We can do this!
One other thing - If (when) you get to the 'screw it' thoughts again, post here first. You'll be glad you did.
My wanting to cave thoughts happened at Day 69, so we're roughly similar in that regard. Hang in there. Get past it. We can do this!One other thing - If (when) you get to the 'screw it' thoughts again, post here first. You'll be glad you did.
My mistake was not posting here first.73 days is impressive. Well done!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
It wasn't necessarily the bad times that lead me to drink - it was good times and every time in between. Any day that ended in y was a drinking day.
My problem was simply I had crossed the line into alcoholism and there was no going back. If I was having a good day, then I was an alcoholic having a good day - if I was having a troubled day, then I was an alcoholic having a bad day. Either way, I still am alcoholic.
Craving for alcohol did not kick in until I took that first drink. Then it was apparent the off switch was broken. I had an obsession of the mind. So, I had to not drink that first drink.
It isn't the caboose that kills, it's the Engine......
A quart of vodka can kill anyone, even if they've been undrunk for a couple months. Alcohol isn't keeping a log of sober time. If you're thinking about drinking today consider a meeting and get some phone numbers to call so you can talk through picking up that first drink.
The ultimate insanity is when a sober alcoholic picks up that first drink. I speak from experience, not theory. By grace, I was shown a way out. I didn't have to reinvent anything - just follow others paths.
Alcoholics are very selfish, self-centered people. Many even in recovery. We act like the center of the universe and that we are so very special. I didn't need this elaborate plan for not drinking - I had to make decision and back it up with action. My feet had to move and not just my mouth. I had to get outside myself.
If you're serious about quitting drinking, there is plenty of help available - you're not alone.
My problem was simply I had crossed the line into alcoholism and there was no going back. If I was having a good day, then I was an alcoholic having a good day - if I was having a troubled day, then I was an alcoholic having a bad day. Either way, I still am alcoholic.
Craving for alcohol did not kick in until I took that first drink. Then it was apparent the off switch was broken. I had an obsession of the mind. So, I had to not drink that first drink.
It isn't the caboose that kills, it's the Engine......
A quart of vodka can kill anyone, even if they've been undrunk for a couple months. Alcohol isn't keeping a log of sober time. If you're thinking about drinking today consider a meeting and get some phone numbers to call so you can talk through picking up that first drink.
The ultimate insanity is when a sober alcoholic picks up that first drink. I speak from experience, not theory. By grace, I was shown a way out. I didn't have to reinvent anything - just follow others paths.
Alcoholics are very selfish, self-centered people. Many even in recovery. We act like the center of the universe and that we are so very special. I didn't need this elaborate plan for not drinking - I had to make decision and back it up with action. My feet had to move and not just my mouth. I had to get outside myself.
If you're serious about quitting drinking, there is plenty of help available - you're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hi 16,
I am at 52 days, and in the past I would be close to caving as well. This time (too many to count in the past 5 years) I read SR posts every day. Even if I don't feel like sharing, the horror stories of Day 1's, rehab visits, DUI's, and broken relationships keeps the reality of alcohol fresh in my mind. It destroys lives. It doesn't enhance lives. I don't want it.
Rest and take good care, and I hope you will come to hate booze as much as I do.
Blessings,
WF
I am at 52 days, and in the past I would be close to caving as well. This time (too many to count in the past 5 years) I read SR posts every day. Even if I don't feel like sharing, the horror stories of Day 1's, rehab visits, DUI's, and broken relationships keeps the reality of alcohol fresh in my mind. It destroys lives. It doesn't enhance lives. I don't want it.
Rest and take good care, and I hope you will come to hate booze as much as I do.
Blessings,
WF
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
When I was first trying to get sober again on SR after my relapse, talking to someone about how I was feeling was one of the strategies I tried to use.
The frustrating thing for me was that it didn't always work. By the time I recognized the stinking thinking, it was already too late--at that point I didn't want to talk to anyone--I wanted a drink and that's all there was to it.
I needed something more. Out of all the things I had tried, the only thing that really helped me stay sober was a recovery program to follow along with face-to-face support.
The frustrating thing for me was that it didn't always work. By the time I recognized the stinking thinking, it was already too late--at that point I didn't want to talk to anyone--I wanted a drink and that's all there was to it.
I needed something more. Out of all the things I had tried, the only thing that really helped me stay sober was a recovery program to follow along with face-to-face support.
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