AA vs. going at it alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 8
AA vs. going at it alone
Good afternoon!!
I decided to put down the wine bottle 16 days ago, it's been a long couple of weeks with lots of ups and downs.....
I went to a few AA meetings, but felt completely out of place. I tried different times, and even went to the women's meeting. But I just felt more down and not connected at all.
I am fortunate enough to have a huge, supportive hubby, and feel like I may be able to kick this terrible disease without the daily support of AA. I am reading from the big book everyday, and keeping myself busy whenever I feel any of the HALT triggers coming on.
Am I crazy to think/believe that I can do it without AA meetings?
I decided to put down the wine bottle 16 days ago, it's been a long couple of weeks with lots of ups and downs.....
I went to a few AA meetings, but felt completely out of place. I tried different times, and even went to the women's meeting. But I just felt more down and not connected at all.
I am fortunate enough to have a huge, supportive hubby, and feel like I may be able to kick this terrible disease without the daily support of AA. I am reading from the big book everyday, and keeping myself busy whenever I feel any of the HALT triggers coming on.
Am I crazy to think/believe that I can do it without AA meetings?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by calan 
Am I crazy to think/believe that I can do it without AA meetings?
There are many paths to a happy sober life. AA is one that works for many, but there are others.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome!
There are many different ways to recover. Following are two links with lots of information on various recovery programs and tips from our members on recovery:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
There are many different ways to recover. Following are two links with lots of information on various recovery programs and tips from our members on recovery:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
I liked Rational Recovery, the AVRT crash course. You can Google it and read online. It's a lot of reading, so I did it in parts. It has some anti AA commentary which I ignored; AA works for a lot of people so I didn't see the need to denigrate it. Recognizing the Addictive voice (AV) was key for me, along with SR. A lot of people here got sober without AA, you can too. Find a plan that works for you. You CAN do it
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
No, you're not crazy.
However - giving AA a real shot, IMO and IME, meant committing to understanding the program. That's why you hear things like go to 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor (one reason being, to teach you and lead you through the BB). Reading the BB is great- but that will often result in a more superficial understanding than truly studying and learning it.
The bottom line is- you have decided you need to quit. To make that a permanent deal, most of us have found we need SOME program of action. To commit to NOT drinking, no matter what, and acceptance that this is what we have to do in order to live a different life, precedes choosing and sticking to a plan of action.
Mine is AA- there are others as people mention. Learning how to live and thrive sober is the really important thing- I'd go forward not ruling anything out and determinedly finding what DOES work for me.
You can do it. And you don't have to do it alone.
However - giving AA a real shot, IMO and IME, meant committing to understanding the program. That's why you hear things like go to 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor (one reason being, to teach you and lead you through the BB). Reading the BB is great- but that will often result in a more superficial understanding than truly studying and learning it.
The bottom line is- you have decided you need to quit. To make that a permanent deal, most of us have found we need SOME program of action. To commit to NOT drinking, no matter what, and acceptance that this is what we have to do in order to live a different life, precedes choosing and sticking to a plan of action.
Mine is AA- there are others as people mention. Learning how to live and thrive sober is the really important thing- I'd go forward not ruling anything out and determinedly finding what DOES work for me.
You can do it. And you don't have to do it alone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
AA is just one method of staying sober. I got sober with the help of my addiction counselor and daily visits to SR. I no longer see the counselor but come here every day. It's been working for 8 yrs now. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Id suggest keeping an openmind,
be willing to try many options that
are available, remain teachable,
honest and do the footwork necessary
in achieving a strong, solid recovery
foundation to live your life upon and
finding a healthy, soulful purpose in life.
be willing to try many options that
are available, remain teachable,
honest and do the footwork necessary
in achieving a strong, solid recovery
foundation to live your life upon and
finding a healthy, soulful purpose in life.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
AA isnt for me at the moment, but that could (and probably would) change the instant i felt my sobriety was threatened.
Do SOMETHING with other people. Check out the secular recovery forums. There is always therapy and outpatient treatment.
Do SOMETHING with other people. Check out the secular recovery forums. There is always therapy and outpatient treatment.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
my experience not my opinion
my opinion is worthless
the #1 contributor to my intact sobriety date is being of service to others
service commitments in aa where i am accountable
accountability in aa means i am missed by people if i dont show up
my opinion is worthless
the #1 contributor to my intact sobriety date is being of service to others
service commitments in aa where i am accountable
accountability in aa means i am missed by people if i dont show up
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Despite countless attempts over the years, I just couldn't get sober by myself.
This website is great and really helped me, however it wasn't enough. I finally gave up and tried AA. The combination of AA and this website (and a sponsor) helped me to get, and stay sober.
I'm coming up on 8 years sober and feel pretty secure in my sobriety. I no longer attend AA very much, I probably went to about 30 meetings in 2017. But I log on here almost every day.
But if the poop hits the fan and I think I might pick up a drink, I will have my butt at an AA meeting within a matter of hours.
This website is great and really helped me, however it wasn't enough. I finally gave up and tried AA. The combination of AA and this website (and a sponsor) helped me to get, and stay sober.
I'm coming up on 8 years sober and feel pretty secure in my sobriety. I no longer attend AA very much, I probably went to about 30 meetings in 2017. But I log on here almost every day.
But if the poop hits the fan and I think I might pick up a drink, I will have my butt at an AA meeting within a matter of hours.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Calan,
Welcome to SR! And welcome to sobriety. I use AA because it has structure and it is working for me. I don't think it's the only way and I am not a hard core BB thumper. But I would say read the BB because it has good info about our disease. Also as others have suggested, keep an open mind and willingness to learn or try something different.
You'll find AA haters and AA lovers. I enjoy listening to both sides because I learn from them all. In my short time in sobriety one thing I truly know is that I am an alcoholic and I couldn't have gotten sober without help. SR, Smart, Avrt, rational recovery, AA, or any other recovery program provides support to cope with life differently than we have.
Whatever you choose to do, at least have a plan.
Good luck
Welcome to SR! And welcome to sobriety. I use AA because it has structure and it is working for me. I don't think it's the only way and I am not a hard core BB thumper. But I would say read the BB because it has good info about our disease. Also as others have suggested, keep an open mind and willingness to learn or try something different.
You'll find AA haters and AA lovers. I enjoy listening to both sides because I learn from them all. In my short time in sobriety one thing I truly know is that I am an alcoholic and I couldn't have gotten sober without help. SR, Smart, Avrt, rational recovery, AA, or any other recovery program provides support to cope with life differently than we have.
Whatever you choose to do, at least have a plan.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 5
I have been to some AA's meetings where I felt out of place. I recently moved and miss my old group. I have yet to find one where it helps since moving. It gave me a place to make friends and attend events without alcohol being a focal point while I am newly sober.
What I also love about AA is you don't feel alone and it reminds me I am an alcoholic. "Why these people sound just like me". It reminds me of the power alcohol has on people. I hear stories of children growing up as addicts like their parents, people losing loved one's on overdosing, landing in prison and countless tragedies due to addiction. When I go home I'm left with a healthy fear to conquer my demons. Because as a newcomer I still have the alcoholic mind that says "C'mon it's the holidays" or I've had a hard day and deserve a drink." But when I go to these meetings I'm reminded that I am in fact an alcoholic who is headed for danger if I pick up. That it never ends well for the alcoholic who chooses to drink.
Either way, whatever works. I hope you find your niche...I have.
What I also love about AA is you don't feel alone and it reminds me I am an alcoholic. "Why these people sound just like me". It reminds me of the power alcohol has on people. I hear stories of children growing up as addicts like their parents, people losing loved one's on overdosing, landing in prison and countless tragedies due to addiction. When I go home I'm left with a healthy fear to conquer my demons. Because as a newcomer I still have the alcoholic mind that says "C'mon it's the holidays" or I've had a hard day and deserve a drink." But when I go to these meetings I'm reminded that I am in fact an alcoholic who is headed for danger if I pick up. That it never ends well for the alcoholic who chooses to drink.
Either way, whatever works. I hope you find your niche...I have.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Going it alone too.
But then I'm only on 28 days so that might not say much?
I think the best advice I have seen (in whatever plan one chooses) is to work on RECOVERY as opposed to just SOBRIETY. I'm not sure what this means to other people but for me it is about how I want my life to be - how I wish to fill my days - what I want to become as a person both physical, emotional and cognitively.
When I visualise what I want that person to be then I exercise or read or write or work or converse or... you get the idea.
I don't want to spend my life just thinking about NOT drinking.
Good luck on your journey.
But then I'm only on 28 days so that might not say much?
I think the best advice I have seen (in whatever plan one chooses) is to work on RECOVERY as opposed to just SOBRIETY. I'm not sure what this means to other people but for me it is about how I want my life to be - how I wish to fill my days - what I want to become as a person both physical, emotional and cognitively.
When I visualise what I want that person to be then I exercise or read or write or work or converse or... you get the idea.
I don't want to spend my life just thinking about NOT drinking.
Good luck on your journey.
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