Life on Life's terms v. the schedule of sobriety - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Life on Life's terms v. the schedule of sobriety


I read and hear about living life on life’s terms.

Then I hear stuff along the lines of not making major changes during the first year…
Avoiding new relationships, not dating, etc.
I can’t reconcile the two.
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Old 03-16-2018, 11:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I don't really see the need for reconcillation?
Separate things.

For me living on lifes terms means facing real life as it is, without resorting to substances or other means of escaping reality.

That doesn't mean that we sit on the motorway like a rabbit caught in the headlights of oncoming traffic.

Suggestions like no major changes in the first year or no new relationships are meant to try and avoid the kind of stresses and upheavals that historically drive people back to drink. (And they are simply suggestions....and not from AA literature as far as I know)

I moved house in my first 6 months and I found a partner as well - worked out well for me, but I still see the sense in the suggestions.

D
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Old 03-17-2018, 03:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I can't reconcile my desire to reconcile with my inability to universally reconcile.

Fortunately, that impacts the quality of my life exactly as much as I allow it.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I firmly believe the BB is correct when it says "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems." Accepting reality (I cannot control it) and others as they are, and life as it comes - all global and specific premises. Ex: once I interview for a job I cannot control if they hire me; I cannot control the person next to me in a mtg smacking their gum the entire time.

The no big decisions is not a BB suggestion. It is an AA MEMBER (note the distinction between program and people) construct meant, at Dee said, to help us not overburden ourselves nor make "impulsive decisions to which we are prone" (para 4th ed) in our early sobriety.

Are you working the program? Do you have a sponsor? My sponsor and the people in my meetings have helped me (here at just past 2 yrs) the seeming contradictions or need-to-reconcile items in the BB as I have learned and grown in my understanding of the consistency and concord in the text.

Best to you.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It’s more than reconciling concepts when I think about it.
I feel like I lost several years of real living.
Can’t get it back but want to make up for it by doubling up so to speak.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I've done more in the last ten years than I did in the previous twenty

I might not have made it 6 months tho had I gone at it like a bull at a gate.

I tried to treat myself like I was recovery from a serious chronic illness - cos I was.

I started slow - and then got quicker as I found my sober muscles

D
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
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great metaphors Dee

rabbits on the motorway and bulls at the gate.

Requires some reconciliation I think.
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Don't have a sponsor but am working the steps August.

The BB is in accord, it's my mindset on things that isn't.
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Great conversation. Things I've been contemplating for years.
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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great metaphors Dee

rabbits on the motorway and bulls at the gate.

Requires some reconciliation I think.
The lion may sometimes lie down with the lamb but rabbits and bulls don't mix too well - except in my head, daredevil.

D
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
Canít get it back but want to make up for it by doubling up so to speak.
thats quite a common feeling to want to do. it can burn a person out,though.
howz about being the person you should have been all along today?
get done what needs to get done today? help others today?

i dont think theres really any way to make up for lost time, but living in today and making the most of it is a pretty good concept- going overboard and trying to make up for lost time burned me out.
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
I feel like I lost several years of real living.
What if everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to have happened? What would you do then?




Go do that.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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good point tomsteve. I've been trying to do 'the next right thing' and that helps me stay present, to stay the course.

Dee, come to think of it, rabbits on the motorway are pretty clever. They usually get out of the way, avoiding the wreckage of alcoholism. It's the deer I worry about. Lions, lambs, rabbits and bulls luckily don't suffer from alcoholism (but I concede that they have their own issues to deal with).

Ns, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I envision what my life should be, and try to effectuate that vision; I try to be nonsensical in my own right;-)

That's where I'm having trouble with life on life's terms and the schedule of sobriety. There has to be merit I think, though, in the notion of not trying to do too much too soon.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
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just remember there are still and only 24 hours in a day - we can not live more hours or more days than the exact one we are in at any given moment. we also can't relive or remake any days that have already passed.
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I believe there is a nonzero probability that I was supposed to do everything I did. All the horrible lapses in judgment, mistakes, regrets, shame, apologies and amends I tried to make brought me to THIS day. Today. Right now.

It's a thought I find highly encouraging.
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