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Old 03-15-2018, 07:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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28 hours ago


Yesterday after pretty much a 2 week bender, I slowed things way down and sipped on my last 9 ounces of vodka from 1-5pm which is a darn slow consumption rate for me. I made an omelet after and ate that, then took stock of myself physically. Freezing cold, mottled skin, pale as a ghost, red and bloodshot eyes, swollen eyelids, puffy bags under my eyes, dull lifeless stare, broken blood vessels in my nostrils. When I breathed in through my nose, all I could smell was vodka and not as it smells from the bottle, but even worse, rotten. What happened to the pretty woman I used to be? Not just the booze, the years have also taken a huge toll. That was 28 hours ago. I have drank not another drop.

14 March was my personal reckoning, but today's Ides of March 2018 will, I pray, mark the beginning of reclaiming my health and sanity.
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Old 03-15-2018, 07:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey there Ides, welcome to SR! This is an awesome community with tons of supports and awesome advice. I'm glad you decided to join, SR has helped me a lot and I've met a lot of awesome people on here that have helped me so I know you will too.
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Old 03-15-2018, 07:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, Ides; very glad that you are here with us.

It might be a good idea to be checked out by your doctor or the ER, Ides. ?Early days can be very tricky, and even risky.

Drink enough water to stay hydrated; eat small and light meals; try to get a bit of fresh air; and rest, rest, rest.

Stay close. We care.
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Old 03-15-2018, 08:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks, Jess and Sober Leigh. I look and feel like hell, but have been through this before and know exactly what to expect. Not too long ago I had put together almost 6 weeks, but within days of falling off the wagon, I was not only drinking at night, but during the day as well. I can't believe how progressive alcoholism is. It scared the hell out of me this last time. I didn't even mention the depth of depression I sunk to by the end of the bender. I know though that in a week or two, I will feel much better in that respect as well. I used to dread withdrawal so much because of insomnia, but I have insomnia whether I'm drinking or not, so it isn't as hard and scary as it once was.
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I hope you stay strong! It's so hard in the beginning, Health is everything, the best possible place to be is bright eyed, feeling strong, energy to get you through the day. It can be yours - just take it one day sober each day. Don't let your alcoholic voice tempt you to throw it away. Reach deep within your soul, get some resources going to help support you. Come back to SR often, multiple times a day if you feel the urge to drink. Wishing you strength! Get some rest, drink plenty of water. Praying for you Ides!
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by IdesofKKMarch View Post
Thanks, Jess and Sober Leigh. I look and feel like hell, but have been through this before and know exactly what to expect. Not too long ago I had put together almost 6 weeks, but within days of falling off the wagon, I was not only drinking at night, but during the day as well. I can't believe how progressive alcoholism is. It scared the hell out of me this last time. I didn't even mention the depth of depression I sunk to by the end of the bender. I know though that in a week or two, I will feel much better in that respect as well. I used to dread withdrawal so much because of insomnia, but I have insomnia whether I'm drinking or not, so it isn't as hard and scary as it once was.
Hey there, please stay strong. If you need to talk to someone my inbox is always open. I know I'm young and don't have much to offer other then support and kind words but sometimes that is all it takes. I drank because of my depression and PTSD and am trying to recover because alcohol doesn't help it, it worsens it. Sorry if I'm overstepping my boundary but if you ever need to vent or want a friend, I'm here
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by IdesofKKMarch View Post
I can't believe how progressive alcoholism is. It scared the hell out of me this last time..
Yup, that's the true nature of this particular beast: it progresses even when we're not drinking. I went back after eight years sober, and it was worse than when I'd quit.

I literally got scared straight, admitted true and utter defeat a year ago; I've had enough experiences to know where the next drink will undoubtedly lead, and since I'm not suicidal...

It sounds like you've reached your limit, too! This is a wonderful site full of caring and support, and tons of information. I'm happy you found us -- I wish you well, and hope to read more from you!

Arp
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Old 03-16-2018, 04:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome Ides! Stay close to SR. Read and post. It helps. I have also relapsed and like you, after starting again, my drinking escalated to the amount or more than the previous level. Hang in there! You're not alone.
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Arpeggioh View Post
Yup, that's the true nature of this particular beast: it progresses even when we're not drinking. I went back after eight years sober, and it was worse than when I'd quit.

I literally got scared straight, admitted true and utter defeat a year ago; I've had enough experiences to know where the next drink will undoubtedly lead, and since I'm not suicidal...

It sounds like you've reached your limit, too! This is a wonderful site full of caring and support, and tons of information. I'm happy you found us -- I wish you well, and hope to read more from you!

Arp
That's it exactly, Arp, I am truly and utterly defeated, beaten. And I'm not suicidal either, just feel half dead.
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Old 03-17-2018, 12:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hey, Ides -- Hope you're feeling better today, maybe up to just a quarter dead? Stay close, be well...
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi, Ides!
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I was the same way, Ides. On the day I had my last drink, I was just done.

It's all improvement after that. Keep it going.

Going to bed sober each day was my main goal in early days. Nothing like waking up on still-clean sheets with no smell in the room.
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Old 03-18-2018, 09:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well, day 4 is winding down and my headache is gone, oh happy day! Hands are steadier and handwriting legible. Coffee tasted great this a.m. SR has really helped and made me feel less alone. Reading and relating. I'm so grateful.

No longer feeling half dead, but dead-ass tired. Goodnight, all.
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Old 03-18-2018, 09:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Old 03-18-2018, 11:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 4! Sounds like you’ve been through it before, in which case you’ll know that you’re through some of the very worst of it (ie the first few days detoxing)... hooray! Also, I’m with you: (decaf) coffee is my new best friend, it tastes so good these days (coming up two weeks sober for me), hmmmm may have to go make a cup now....
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Old 03-19-2018, 05:35 AM   #16 (permalink)
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You're making progress! 4 days is great! Keep on going. We're here.......
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Old 03-20-2018, 04:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Well, day 4 is winding down and my headache is gone, oh happy day! Hands are steadier and handwriting legible. Coffee tasted great this a.m. SR has really helped and made me feel less alone. Reading and relating. I'm so grateful.

No longer feeling half dead, but dead-ass tired. Goodnight, all.
Great work Ides. Nice job grinding through that initial few days. Small wins are something we can consolidate around and ride to more small wins.

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Old 03-20-2018, 06:30 PM   #18 (permalink)
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keep it going Ides

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Old 03-20-2018, 07:29 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for the encouragement. Winding down on day 6 and feel well physically, just worn out from my usual inability to sleep and stress from unrelated family issue.

I've been coming to this board throughout the past 7 plus years, but I've never been this attentive or active here in any of my attempts at sobriety. I'm so glad SR is still here and pray it always will be. In fact, I know it will be here long after I am because there will unfortunately always be alcoholics and addicts who need support and a refuge.
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Old 03-20-2018, 07:57 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome to the posting side of SR Ides! You will have one week sober tomorrow, that is something to be proud of.

Keep up the great work!
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