Stew1984

Got message about Sinclair method. If it is not abstinence based then it’s not going to work for me

I’ve safely concluded that my alcohol intake needs to drop to zero

J50

Stewy,

Glad your more level headed.

There is nothing wrong with you. The problem is the alcohol. It is a depressant that changes the chemicals in our brains and affects our thought processes and reasoning abilities.

You must stop drinking. You know that. How you get there is up to you. There are many different ways that have been suggested here.

It won't be easy and you may have some physical and mental pain in the early stages, but it is worth it. Read the posts from those who have long term sobriety.

They did it, I can do it, and so can you.

The first step is to stop putting the poison into your body.

Midwest1981

glad to hear that. Do whatever has worked in the past and add more to your plan.

thomas11

I know I'm oversimplifying this tremendously but here goes: It sounds like life can not possibly get any worse for you, what do you have to lose by suffering through the withdrawal process and getting on with trying a sober life. It can't be any worse right? It just can't. Process of elimination Stew, you gotta do something different. Try it.

DontRemember

Fight or flight thinking has gotten me in so many bad situations for myself. I used to see(in my weird mind) the flight option as being weak,so I'd try to fight it,whatever 'it' was. I'd 'fight' for horrible relationships, including my toxic relationships with drinking/drugs,women,ect..I fought to 'keep doing' whatever the hell it was my twisted mind thought was good for me? I don't know what the hell I was fighting for. Probably when I joined here is when i knew I didn't have much fight left in me..it took some time,but seriously,being court ordered to AA showed me that there's no need to fight this anymore.. Surrender my ego and fly away from the pointless fighting in my life. I don't go to AA often anymore,but it's always there for me if I need them. Now I mainly post,read and try to help others on here. It's got me over a year without booze and my life is peaceful for the 1st time in about 13 years. Obviously life is still life and stuff happens,but it's easier to know that if you must fight, it's something worth fighting for.

SoberLeigh

How was your day, Stewy?

Thinking of you.

Stew1984

I’m ready to take action against this

I have to start here and now day one

My body is wrecked from it all. Got to start a re building job. No good putting this off until it’s too late is it?

Do or die. This is severe enough now

Stronger2017

It’s a new day, stew. You really can do this if you want it enough🙂

Stew1984

My brain is in conflict minute by minute as to whether or not to drink today. Little flashes of clarity popping up saying I can do this

Rungirl2018

Stew—hi! I think you can do it. At what time does your booze brain tell you to drink today—now, in a few hours, after work?

Stew1984

After work is always the big one. I’ve just been falsely telling myself it’s day one over and over and it now means nothing

I know I need to stop

tomsteve

youve been saying that for a LONG time,stewy.
what are you going to DO to make that happen?

there aint no magical pill or potion.
sittin in the garage all day aint gonna make you a car.

the brakes on my car are screwed up. i got all the parts to fix them- complete new brake system. havent put them on yet- theyve just been sitting in the trunk.
i dont know why i keep getting into accidents with all the parts i have in the trunk.

Stronger2017

I’ve been there stew. You’ve had sobriety before you can get it again. Just do whatever it takes tonight when you get off work.

Dee74

I fell into the trap of thinking that a decision not to drink was all I needed to do...but until I backed that up with action nothign changed.

There's no way around it Stewy - you're pretty dependent on that nightly drinking now...it's going to be very uncomfortable to stop and you're going to hate it...

but it needs to be done, and done now - or you could very easily find yourself drinking in the morning or at lunchtime before too long.

D

entropy1964

I am such a stubborn person. That self will served me well growing up. I lived in a dangerous environment and if I didn't have a very strong will I probably would have been eaten alive (metaphorical). I have learned that so many of my characteristics were developed in childhood and had a 'purpose'. But as I grew older this self will/survival became my stubborn, self will run riot personality.

I wish I had learned years ago that my alcoholism would get worse, period. That I was no different from those around me. I wish I had had the humility (at least a little) to see that I didn't have to get 'that bad' before I quit. But that wasn't me. I had to get that bad. And now I know: If I drink, I will die. That is just a fact. Or worse: I will kill someone else. And I have a daughter. My beautiful child. She said to me a year ago, in tears...."I NEED you mom. I cannot do this without you". Oh my God. Why it took those words I don't know. Why "I love you" wasn't enough....but NEED? Oh my. It melted that self will.

So I use my will. Yeah, I wish it would just go away, but it hasn't yet. However it doesn't have to run riot over my life. I have 'free will'. I have 'will power'. And I will not drink, no matter what, and I will not change my mind.

I hope you find the courage to be the man that is clamering to come out. A whole lot of people really care about you here. And I'm guessing there are some people in your F2F world that need you, and you them Stew. Good luck.

Nonsensical

What will happen if you don't drink?

ScottFromWI

So stop doing that. It's clear that you will not be able to do this yourself, you've proven that literally dozens of times over the past year or so. Knowing you need to quit and saying that here is not enough either.

Keep it extremely simple Stewy. Some suggestions.

1. Go to an AA meeting today after work
2. Call your therapist and tell him/her you have an urgent need to see them- you've had some luck working with this in the past
3. Tell your parents exactly what your problem in and ask them for help. You live with them so tell them that you cannot continue living the way you are and that you need help. If they are giving you money to buy alcohol, tell them to stop.
4. Post here. You say over and over that you are going to do that and you never follow up. Do it - write it on you hand if you have to in order to remind yourself.
5. Call a rehab facility. There are inpatient and outpatient programs you need to consider whether you want to or not.

That should be enough options to keep you busy for today. Once you make it through today, choose from the list again for tomorrow.

Rungirl2018

I would start planning my drink around 3 pm at work. The idea of that delicious strong buzz overtook me. It was going to be soooooo good. Get me outta this office so I can get on with the good times. Fast forward to 5:30. Ahh the drink. The cigs. Oh but except when I was hungover still from the night before. Then, didn’t quite work the same way. Buzz didn’t really feel too nice, just made my shaky insides shake a bit less. Fast forward to the end of the bottle. Whew, now I’m in the middle of what I had begun planning at 3 that day. Pouring drinks, smoking cigs. I’m accomplishing my agenda. But now I think about how tomorrow will feel, and I start getting a little worried. And I’m not feeling too great physically. My stomach hurts, kinda feels like I have diarrhea. Yep, I do. That’s not too good. Better go to bed and sleep it off. Fast forward to 3:30 am. Ouch, I definitely don’t feel well physically. Must drink fluids. Oh crap, how am I going to do my day in a few hours. Life will begin when the sun comes up, like it or not. Crap, why did I do this again?! I said I wouldn’t, God help me not to do it again. Where are you, I have asked your help to quit. Back to bed with a sleeping pill. Up at 8:15. Feel just awful physically not to mention mentally and even spiritually. I will not drink tonight, I just can’t go on this way. Fast forward to 3 pm. Oooh, I know, I get to have that lovely drink after work. PAUSE here. How does the story end?

DontRemember

You can control your thoughts,stewy.. Maybe not what thoughts you have from time to time,but you can choose how you act on those thoughts. Your 'inner child' will not kick your ass..drinking will though.

Komplex

Very powerful Rungirl!!!!