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served with divorce papers

Old 02-25-2018, 10:44 AM
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served with divorce papers

My husband filed for divorce 2/12. i found out yesterday about 20 minutes before served. I have 40 days sober. I love him very much. I find myself devastated.
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:04 AM
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Hi mumther. I've been exactly where you are. And the level of devastation is hard to comprehend for people who haven't been thru it. But I urge you, don't use this as an excuse to drink or use again. It will NOT make anything better. As difficult as this moment in time may be for you right now, drinking will only make things worse. If you have to break your day down into small chunks of time to keep your stuff together, than do it. I came out the other side of where you are. You can do this. Yes, it's hard. But not impossible. Wishing you peace.
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:54 AM
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Thinking of you mum! Stay strong! 40 days is huge!!
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Old 02-25-2018, 01:44 PM
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be strong and don't drink over it mumther
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:04 PM
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I'm sorry that this has happened.

Day 40 is great, so keep focusing on your recovery.
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Old 02-25-2018, 03:04 PM
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I hope you find the strength within you to deal with this with a clear and sober mind mumther.
I've had some life changing events happening lately in my family and I am ever so grateful that I have been able to deal with everything without having to reach for the bottle. It's been quite liberating actually.
One day at the time mumther. You can get through this.
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:40 PM
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I'm really sorry Mumther, but I'm so proud of you staying sober

D
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:54 AM
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I've been there.

Please stay on track with your sobriety. It will lead you to the best possible place from here.

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Old 02-26-2018, 05:08 AM
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I'm sorry Mumther. 40 days is some great time. Hang in there. You'll need your wits about you to cope and handle the things that will be coming your way. ((Mumther))
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:08 AM
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Congrats on the 40 days!!!

I am sure if you were to look at it from your husband's perspective, deciding to file was probably also difficult... but unfortunately his mind was likely made up long before you became sober. Fact is that divorce is a common consequence that arise from one's addiction... My wife is at 60 days of sobriety, just about to come out of transitional living and return to our home. We have defined several boundaries as her behavior while using was unacceptable to me, and I will not tolerate it again. She knows she dodged the divorce this time round, but she knows it is a consequence of her addiction if she can not maintain sobriety.

Regardless of what will/may happen in the future, keep focusing on your sobriety.. without it, you truly will have nothing in the future.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:25 AM
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That's a tough one for sure, but good for you being sober 40 days. I've been in your place and it's hard, but I did it all while actively drinking, and the only thing that did for me was delay my life moving forward for about 6 years. If I only knew.....

Stay strong and stay sober so you can process all that's happening- and stay close to us here, too. We'll help you get on with it.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:44 AM
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I'm so sorry. It must be hard to get served with these papers when you have made a change and are 40 says sober. Do whatever you need to do to stay sober right now; it should be your top priority. We are here for you
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Old 08-19-2018, 05:10 PM
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I found this thread while searching for some help coping with my own unwanted divorce. It's something I brought on myself by my own actions, but I'm still having a really hard time dealing with it 16 months into our separation and seeing him having a new girlfriend.
I still dream about our reconciliation a few times a month and it's so hard to wake up from those dreams, let alone move on because I still love him with all my heart and feel he was my one true soulmate. Does anyone here have experience with this?
I don't know if I'll ever get over him and it's been holding me back from meeting new people or getting away from isolating. looking for advice from those who have gone through something similar.
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Old 08-19-2018, 05:30 PM
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I have a really supportive friend group of just 3 best friends, but quality over quantity- they've never given up on me and lift me up every day in exchange for the same. I love them to death and they've never pushed me away no matter how many times I've let them down with my alcoholism, which have been many.

Lately I've been having a lot of feelings and thoughts I'd like to talk about, but unfortunately my very best friend was on the other side of a toxic and hurtful relationship with an addict and is now in a great one with someone new, and I don't feel it'd be respectful to her to talk about my sad feelings of being left because that'd be triggering and hurtful to her, considering she's living the other side of the same coin and had to make the hard decision to end a relationship with someone she loved but who was an addict who was ultimately unwilling to help herself. I've seen her emotional struggles with that firsthand and have cried with her over the loss of her marriage due to it, and I support her in that although it's also my situation, but backwards, which is both weird and hard.

So here I am because I don't want to burden my friends with what's going on in my world, because they've already dealt with enough of my chaos.

Would really appreciate any insight from anyone who's gone through something similar?
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Old 08-19-2018, 05:33 PM
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I'm sorry Pivotalplains. I'm sure it's very sad and difficult to accept what has happened. I don't have any advice, except to begin to forgive yourself and accept what is. It's kind of you to be so caring about your friend and I'm so glad you have some good friends to lean on.
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Old 08-19-2018, 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I'm sorry Pivotalplains. I'm sure it's very sad and difficult to accept what has happened. I don't have any advice, except to begin to forgive yourself and accept what is. It's kind of you to be so caring about your friend and I'm so glad you have some good friends to lean on.
thanks for your response, I do feel very lucky to have the people I do, and for this community. hope you're well today
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