That's a tough one for sure, but good for you being sober 40 days. I've been in your place and it's hard, but I did it all while actively drinking, and the only thing that did for me was delay my life moving forward for about 6 years. If I only knew.....
Stay strong and stay sober so you can process all that's happening- and stay close to us here, too. We'll help you get on with it.