Husband wants to tell my Psychiatrist I'm an alcoholic
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You intellectually have Step 1. I got it in rehab and it was like a switch flipped.
For the first several weeks after i got out i was pretty depressed and barely left the house. Meetings got me back to the world until I could start outpatient.
Outpatient used cognitive therapy to recognize and manage cravings as well as anxiety and depression. This helped me to put Step 1 into practice.
I cant recommend cognitive therapy enough.
Everybodys path is different. 12 Step works for many, medical management for others, individual psychodynamic as well. I did it all, and credit a multipronged approach to getting and keeping me sober.
For the first several weeks after i got out i was pretty depressed and barely left the house. Meetings got me back to the world until I could start outpatient.
Outpatient used cognitive therapy to recognize and manage cravings as well as anxiety and depression. This helped me to put Step 1 into practice.
I cant recommend cognitive therapy enough.
Everybodys path is different. 12 Step works for many, medical management for others, individual psychodynamic as well. I did it all, and credit a multipronged approach to getting and keeping me sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Thanks everyone for reading and sharing your experiences and advice.
One thing I realized that I use to do to manipulate the cashiers where I use to buy my alcohol at 6am, was to pick up some breakfast items too. Like I was up so early not to get more alcohol as soon as possible, I was there picking up breakfast foods in order to make breakfast before people got up.
Im pretty sure they see right through it, but are to kind to mention anything.
One thing I realized that I use to do to manipulate the cashiers where I use to buy my alcohol at 6am, was to pick up some breakfast items too. Like I was up so early not to get more alcohol as soon as possible, I was there picking up breakfast foods in order to make breakfast before people got up.
Im pretty sure they see right through it, but are to kind to mention anything.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by newhope01 
One thing I realized that I use to do to manipulate the cashiers where I use to buy my alcohol at 6am, was to pick up some breakfast items too. Like I was up so early not to get more alcohol as soon as possible, I was there picking up breakfast foods in order to make breakfast before people got up.
Im pretty sure they see right through it, but are to kind to mention anything.
Im pretty sure they see right through it, but are to kind to mention anything.
even though i had a party store 6 houses away, i made sure to spread my purchases out here and there- didnt want to walk into the same store every day for alcohol.
there was a time even then i would stop on my way home from work and get a 6 pack here, stop there for a 6 pack, then there for a 6 pack. it looked a lot better just buying 6 packs over an 18 pack/case.
so my delusional,insane thinking told me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
I failed to attend my home group meeting today as I needed to sleep. Working late at night sucks. I had to buy an energy drink in order to stay up during my shift and it was hard to get moving around 9am but I forced myself up and got some coffee.
Last night was the worst temptation to buy alcohol so far. I played the tape forward and came to the conclusion it is still not worth drinking. Ever. I thought about what would happen if I got caught and if I didn't get caught.
If I didn't get caught, I would be wasting money and calories all to drink alone by myself where I would then chain smoke. I would wake up feeling lethargic and barely make it to work on time. I would have an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I would fear maybe there is still something in my system and someone may catch it.
Oh, and don't forget the overwhelming guilt.
Just not worth it.
Last night was the worst temptation to buy alcohol so far. I played the tape forward and came to the conclusion it is still not worth drinking. Ever. I thought about what would happen if I got caught and if I didn't get caught.
If I didn't get caught, I would be wasting money and calories all to drink alone by myself where I would then chain smoke. I would wake up feeling lethargic and barely make it to work on time. I would have an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I would fear maybe there is still something in my system and someone may catch it.
Oh, and don't forget the overwhelming guilt.
Just not worth it.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Keep going, newhope, you can do this. Every time you want to drink and don't it reinforces new habits and "trains" your brain. And I know you know this, but meetings are super important, especially early on. It sounds like it's hard for you to get to them right now, but keep trying.
Have you and your husband ever done any marriage counseling? Is that something he'd be open to? Could help.
When I think back on how hard I tried to hide my drinking issues from my therapist, it makes me cringe. And all the lies I told other people along the way. Ugh. I was a master manipulator, but I didn't see that at all until I quit drinking and looked back on it. I have apologized to a few people about that specific part of our relationship. I used every trick in the book to make things go certain ways. I still find myself starting to do it sometimes even now, but I catch myself in the act.
I do hope this is a turning point for you.
Have you and your husband ever done any marriage counseling? Is that something he'd be open to? Could help.
When I think back on how hard I tried to hide my drinking issues from my therapist, it makes me cringe. And all the lies I told other people along the way. Ugh. I was a master manipulator, but I didn't see that at all until I quit drinking and looked back on it. I have apologized to a few people about that specific part of our relationship. I used every trick in the book to make things go certain ways. I still find myself starting to do it sometimes even now, but I catch myself in the act.
I do hope this is a turning point for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by MLD51
Have you and your husband ever done any marriage counseling? Is that something he'd be open to? Could help.
The therapist called him on it a few times but it got so emotional it started to pull us apart further because I began to harbor resentments. So, I turned it into one on one counseling as the sessions became nonconstructive. Which he was more than happy to oblige.
My husband does not understand mental illness or chemical dependency. Which I can't blame him for as it was how he was raised and has fortunately not suffered from any of the be above mentioned afflictions.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Okay, I'll be honest, I consumed alcohol yesterday.
My husband got angry and dropped the same booze bottle in front of me again.
Why does he keep tempting me? I want to pour it out but at the same time I want to drink it.
I know the right course of action but it feels scary.
I dont want to drink. But I feel so broken.
Help.
My husband got angry and dropped the same booze bottle in front of me again.
Why does he keep tempting me? I want to pour it out but at the same time I want to drink it.
I know the right course of action but it feels scary.
I dont want to drink. But I feel so broken.
Help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I don't know why he keeps doing that but I don't think thats your biggest problem.
You obviously need to do more to stay sober than what you're doing, newhope.
I'm not saying that in judgement, it's a fact.
What other things do you think you can add right now to make sure you stay sober?
D
You obviously need to do more to stay sober than what you're doing, newhope.
I'm not saying that in judgement, it's a fact.
What other things do you think you can add right now to make sure you stay sober?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by Dee74
I don't know why he keeps doing that but I don't think thats your biggest problem.
You obviously need to do more to stay sober than what you're doing, newhope.
I'm not saying that in judgement, it's a fact.
What other things do you think you can add right now to make sure you stay sober?
D
You obviously need to do more to stay sober than what you're doing, newhope.
I'm not saying that in judgement, it's a fact.
What other things do you think you can add right now to make sure you stay sober?
D
I still feel like I like I struggle with step 1. But at least
I poured out any alcohol in the house.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Thats a start, but I still hope you'll think more on an action plan.
I reckon that bottle your husband keeps dropping into your lap is just another symptom of the malaise you're both in, rather than the malaise itself?
D
I reckon that bottle your husband keeps dropping into your lap is just another symptom of the malaise you're both in, rather than the malaise itself?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
newhope01,
Some advice on what i have learned from my wife's addiction....
1) addicts are master manipulators... something you have already discovered...
2) addicts are huge procrastinators... in your case, it is about putting off meetings and not having a sponsor... my wife has discovered that anything one puts ahead of one's recovery will be lost... so if here recovery is not her top priority, then she will not be able to keep hold of all those other things. Get yourself a sponsor, and start working the steps in the Big Book.
3) addicts are creatures of habit... I have attended a few AA meetings with my wife, and what is funny is that the regulars in attendance tend to sit all in the same places for each meeting. As soon as the routine is disrupted, addicts become uncomfortable... part of that may be due to that when using, routine makes life manageable... but when the routine is tossed up, they realize it is truly not a comfortable situation. For you, maybe there is a different route you can take home that does not go by a liquor store...
4) keeping secrets makes one ill... there is the guilt, and then the lies to hide it.... even sharing in group is all that may be needed. When you tattle on your addiction, it makes it easier to handle. For you, I would not be so worried about sharing in your group, those people have more than likely been there and done that, and maybe even more... Most will not judge you for your actions, rather they will support and offer advice as to what worked for them.
5) finally, good for you on admitting your recent slip... recovery is like a child learning to ride a bike for the first time... rehab is with training wheels... but now they are off, when you fall, you must get back up and try again... i learned a long time ago that failure is a part of being willing to do something outside of your comfort zone... and failure does not define us... rather our desire and willingness to persevere and move forward does.
Keep up the good work and willingness to subdue your addiction and move forward...
Some advice on what i have learned from my wife's addiction....
1) addicts are master manipulators... something you have already discovered...
2) addicts are huge procrastinators... in your case, it is about putting off meetings and not having a sponsor... my wife has discovered that anything one puts ahead of one's recovery will be lost... so if here recovery is not her top priority, then she will not be able to keep hold of all those other things. Get yourself a sponsor, and start working the steps in the Big Book.
3) addicts are creatures of habit... I have attended a few AA meetings with my wife, and what is funny is that the regulars in attendance tend to sit all in the same places for each meeting. As soon as the routine is disrupted, addicts become uncomfortable... part of that may be due to that when using, routine makes life manageable... but when the routine is tossed up, they realize it is truly not a comfortable situation. For you, maybe there is a different route you can take home that does not go by a liquor store...
4) keeping secrets makes one ill... there is the guilt, and then the lies to hide it.... even sharing in group is all that may be needed. When you tattle on your addiction, it makes it easier to handle. For you, I would not be so worried about sharing in your group, those people have more than likely been there and done that, and maybe even more... Most will not judge you for your actions, rather they will support and offer advice as to what worked for them.
5) finally, good for you on admitting your recent slip... recovery is like a child learning to ride a bike for the first time... rehab is with training wheels... but now they are off, when you fall, you must get back up and try again... i learned a long time ago that failure is a part of being willing to do something outside of your comfort zone... and failure does not define us... rather our desire and willingness to persevere and move forward does.
Keep up the good work and willingness to subdue your addiction and move forward...
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