Husband wants to tell my Psychiatrist I'm an alcoholic
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Hey everyone, thanks for the support and advice.
In response to some questions, I have not been sober since rehab and I don't feel like it helped me because since I've studied substance abuse and am a practicing counselor I already knew all the information they provided. It did help me to dry out but about a week later I was drinking again. And going to AA.
I think I am stuck on step one, denial. I feel like its okay for me to safely drink alcohol when I am obviously an alcoholic.
I asked my husband where he got the booze bottle and he told me he had it for a long time. I thought he may have bought it prior to coming home from school. I went into his room and dropped it on the floor and did not drink it. I'm not sure what he did with it.
I am going to tell my psychiatrist when I see her at my next appointment.
I am barely 24 hours sober and broke my husband's heart last night as I was left alone, promised him I wouldn't drink, and did so anyway.
Its taking every ounce of will not to go out and drink again because he won't talk to me and my self-esteem is so low right now. I wish I could be like you folks and be sober for years or even more than a month.
I have to get past step 1, I have to accept I am an alcoholic or I am never going to get through this. I don't even know how I am this fortunate to still have my husband in my life and in my house. He could leave at anytime.
I am one messed up chick.
Thanks for reading.
In response to some questions, I have not been sober since rehab and I don't feel like it helped me because since I've studied substance abuse and am a practicing counselor I already knew all the information they provided. It did help me to dry out but about a week later I was drinking again. And going to AA.
I think I am stuck on step one, denial. I feel like its okay for me to safely drink alcohol when I am obviously an alcoholic.
I asked my husband where he got the booze bottle and he told me he had it for a long time. I thought he may have bought it prior to coming home from school. I went into his room and dropped it on the floor and did not drink it. I'm not sure what he did with it.
I am going to tell my psychiatrist when I see her at my next appointment.
I am barely 24 hours sober and broke my husband's heart last night as I was left alone, promised him I wouldn't drink, and did so anyway.
Its taking every ounce of will not to go out and drink again because he won't talk to me and my self-esteem is so low right now. I wish I could be like you folks and be sober for years or even more than a month.
I have to get past step 1, I have to accept I am an alcoholic or I am never going to get through this. I don't even know how I am this fortunate to still have my husband in my life and in my house. He could leave at anytime.
I am one messed up chick.
Thanks for reading.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by newhope01 
Hey everyone, thanks for the support and advice.
In response to some questions, I have not been sober since rehab and I don't feel like it helped me because since I've studied substance abuse and am a practicing counselor I already knew all the information they provided. It did help me to dry out but about a week later I was drinking again. And going to AA.
I think I am stuck on step one, denial. I feel like its okay for me to safely drink alcohol when I am obviously an alcoholic.
I asked my husband where he got the booze bottle and he told me he had it for a long time. I thought he may have bought it prior to coming home from school. I went into his room and dropped it on the floor and did not drink it. I'm not sure what he did with it.
I am going to tell my psychiatrist when I see her at my next appointment.
I am barely 24 hours sober and broke my husband's heart last night as I was left alone, promised him I wouldn't drink, and did so anyway.
Its taking every ounce of will not to go out and drink again because he won't talk to me and my self-esteem is so low right now. I wish I could be like you folks and be sober for years or even more than a month.
I have to get past step 1, I have to accept I am an alcoholic or I am never going to get through this. I don't even know how I am this fortunate to still have my husband in my life and in my house. He could leave at anytime.
I am one messed up chick.
Thanks for reading.
In response to some questions, I have not been sober since rehab and I don't feel like it helped me because since I've studied substance abuse and am a practicing counselor I already knew all the information they provided. It did help me to dry out but about a week later I was drinking again. And going to AA.
I think I am stuck on step one, denial. I feel like its okay for me to safely drink alcohol when I am obviously an alcoholic.
I asked my husband where he got the booze bottle and he told me he had it for a long time. I thought he may have bought it prior to coming home from school. I went into his room and dropped it on the floor and did not drink it. I'm not sure what he did with it.
I am going to tell my psychiatrist when I see her at my next appointment.
I am barely 24 hours sober and broke my husband's heart last night as I was left alone, promised him I wouldn't drink, and did so anyway.
Its taking every ounce of will not to go out and drink again because he won't talk to me and my self-esteem is so low right now. I wish I could be like you folks and be sober for years or even more than a month.
I have to get past step 1, I have to accept I am an alcoholic or I am never going to get through this. I don't even know how I am this fortunate to still have my husband in my life and in my house. He could leave at anytime.
I am one messed up chick.
Thanks for reading.
You know, I don't believe it's knowledge that gets us drunk or sober. It's actions. And willingness. And self honesty. I suspect you're closer than you've been before. You're willing to be honest. You're willing to hold yourself accountable.
Do you have a sponsor who you can work on that step one with tomorrow?
BB
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Location: Australia
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no more messed up than anyone else here newhope 
I just couldn't fight anymore. I spent so much time & incredible amounts of energy trying to drink as much as I wanted and not have 'bad stuff' happen.
Bad stuff always happened either physically or emotionally or both.
Thats alcoholism.
I finally realised how futile it was and I gave up drinking.
I just couldn't fight anymore. I spent so much time & incredible amounts of energy trying to drink as much as I wanted and not have 'bad stuff' happen.
Bad stuff always happened either physically or emotionally or both.
Thats alcoholism.
I finally realised how futile it was and I gave up drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Well if it were me I would definitely tell my psychiatrist about my alcoholism whether my husband wanted me to or not
"I am going to tell my psychiatrist when I see her at my next appointment."
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Unfortunately, I do not have a sponsor but I can still go to AA tomorrow.
I think my job triggers me too but if I quit, we won't have any income and if I get fired he will never forgive me.
Everyone's kindness is making me cry, I just don't understand how people can be so kind when someone is such a mess.
Still not drinking.
I think my job triggers me too but if I quit, we won't have any income and if I get fired he will never forgive me.
Everyone's kindness is making me cry, I just don't understand how people can be so kind when someone is such a mess.
Still not drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by newhope01
I have to get past step 1, I have to accept I am an alcoholic or I am never going to get through this.
.
we admitted we were alcoholics.
it says
we admitted we were powerless over alcohol...
even then, i admitted i was powerless over alcohol because i understood what it meant.
with time i accepted it.
it would be wise to look for a sponsor at ameeting and start reading the big book,too- focusing on the first 3 chapters.
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Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
Newhope, you can do this! My self-esteem was completely destroyed by the end of my drinking days. My husband and family were totally frustrated with me, and like you, I made promises I didn't keep.
But, you can change the situation and be the person you want to be.
But, you can change the situation and be the person you want to be.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I thought my job triggered me as well. But, here were are now, and I'll be 4 years sober on 5th March and I'm still, doing the same job. Just doing it better, more calmly and with less inner-melodrama (yes, my job can be stressful at times, but boy, could I ever turn a drama into a crisis back then.)
Let us know how you get on with everything today. (Psychiatrist chat and your AA meeting). Joe and Charlies step studies are pretty good if you wanted to explore the program extra to meetings. I found reading the Big Book hard going when I was in my first weeks of sobriety and had washing machine head (and that comes from someone with an English degree who is an avid reader).
While you're staying sober try to be mindful of HALT. Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and getting over Tired. Walk away from disagreements without engaging, keep snacks in your bag and take them regularly with plenty of water (your body needs those blood sugars kept stable). Phone the people who love you or touch base on here throughout the day.
Why would we be kind? Well, for a start of, why wouldn't we? Secondly, for kinda the same reason we could see through your old blarny with your initial posts. We've been where you are now. Done the same stuff. Said the same stuff. Felt the same stuff. Hugs to you. This WILL pass, if you choose not to drink, one day at a time and commit to your recovery.
And that one day at a time malarky is important. We can commit to doing for just one day what would horrify us to contemplate doing for ever. So just keep it in the day. If your mind tries to take you to next week, your birthday, Christmas etc just gently pull yourself back. Keep it in the hour if needs be.
Take care.
BB
Let us know how you get on with everything today. (Psychiatrist chat and your AA meeting). Joe and Charlies step studies are pretty good if you wanted to explore the program extra to meetings. I found reading the Big Book hard going when I was in my first weeks of sobriety and had washing machine head (and that comes from someone with an English degree who is an avid reader).
While you're staying sober try to be mindful of HALT. Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and getting over Tired. Walk away from disagreements without engaging, keep snacks in your bag and take them regularly with plenty of water (your body needs those blood sugars kept stable). Phone the people who love you or touch base on here throughout the day.
Why would we be kind? Well, for a start of, why wouldn't we? Secondly, for kinda the same reason we could see through your old blarny with your initial posts. We've been where you are now. Done the same stuff. Said the same stuff. Felt the same stuff. Hugs to you. This WILL pass, if you choose not to drink, one day at a time and commit to your recovery.
And that one day at a time malarky is important. We can commit to doing for just one day what would horrify us to contemplate doing for ever. So just keep it in the day. If your mind tries to take you to next week, your birthday, Christmas etc just gently pull yourself back. Keep it in the hour if needs be.
Take care.
BB
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by Berrybean
I thought my job triggered me as well. But, here were are now, and I'll be 4 years sober on 5th March and I'm still, doing the same job. Just doing it better, more calmly and with less inner-melodrama (yes, my job can be stressful at times, but boy, could I ever turn a drama into a crisis back then.)
Let us know how you get on with everything today. (Psychiatrist chat and your AA meeting). Joe and Charlies step studies are pretty good if you wanted to explore the program extra to meetings. I found reading the Big Book hard going when I was in my first weeks of sobriety and had washing machine head (and that comes from someone with an English degree who is an avid reader).
While you're staying sober try to be mindful of HALT. Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and getting over Tired. Walk away from disagreements without engaging, keep snacks in your bag and take them regularly with plenty of water (your body needs those blood sugars kept stable). Phone the people who love you or touch base on here throughout the day.
Why would we be kind? Well, for a start of, why wouldn't we? Secondly, for kinda the same reason we could see through your old blarny with your initial posts. We've been where you are now. Done the same stuff. Said the same stuff. Felt the same stuff. Hugs to you. This WILL pass, if you choose not to drink, one day at a time and commit to your recovery.
And that one day at a time malarky is important. We can commit to doing for just one day what would horrify us to contemplate doing for ever. So just keep it in the day. If your mind tries to take you to next week, your birthday, Christmas etc just gently pull yourself back. Keep it in the hour if needs be.
Take care.
BB
Let us know how you get on with everything today. (Psychiatrist chat and your AA meeting). Joe and Charlies step studies are pretty good if you wanted to explore the program extra to meetings. I found reading the Big Book hard going when I was in my first weeks of sobriety and had washing machine head (and that comes from someone with an English degree who is an avid reader).
While you're staying sober try to be mindful of HALT. Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and getting over Tired. Walk away from disagreements without engaging, keep snacks in your bag and take them regularly with plenty of water (your body needs those blood sugars kept stable). Phone the people who love you or touch base on here throughout the day.
Why would we be kind? Well, for a start of, why wouldn't we? Secondly, for kinda the same reason we could see through your old blarny with your initial posts. We've been where you are now. Done the same stuff. Said the same stuff. Felt the same stuff. Hugs to you. This WILL pass, if you choose not to drink, one day at a time and commit to your recovery.
And that one day at a time malarky is important. We can commit to doing for just one day what would horrify us to contemplate doing for ever. So just keep it in the day. If your mind tries to take you to next week, your birthday, Christmas etc just gently pull yourself back. Keep it in the hour if needs be.
Take care.
BB
I've always been honest in my posts here as what is the point in lying on an anonymous website? When I go to AA meetings if I feel unsafe sharing something, I remain silent. But then, again why should I?
In the AA instance, I think its because Im not sure if what is said will be really anonymous. But, I digress.
Thank you for your support and checking in as you gave some excellent advice that I will use and your check in is helping me to remain accountable. I don't want to ever lie on these forums.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hey folks,
I'm feeling a lot better today and am now on day 2. It was extremely difficult, but I got through it.
My husband came to bed last night and this morning woke me up by rubbing my back asking if I will be here when he gets out of school. I told him yes and he kissed my cheek.
I forgot to mention I was going to an AA meeting today at 12:35 PM but I am sure he will figure out where I went. I don't have to leave work until 3:00 PM so we have some time to chat.
I just hope he doesn't assume I am going to this meeting because I'm trying to "get him off my back" as expressed from multiple users on these forums.
Also, tonight might be hard to stay sober as I am use to buying booze on my way home from work. Right now I am not tempted but that may change as the evening progresses.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate everyone's advice/support.
I'm feeling a lot better today and am now on day 2. It was extremely difficult, but I got through it.
My husband came to bed last night and this morning woke me up by rubbing my back asking if I will be here when he gets out of school. I told him yes and he kissed my cheek.
I forgot to mention I was going to an AA meeting today at 12:35 PM but I am sure he will figure out where I went. I don't have to leave work until 3:00 PM so we have some time to chat.
I just hope he doesn't assume I am going to this meeting because I'm trying to "get him off my back" as expressed from multiple users on these forums.
Also, tonight might be hard to stay sober as I am use to buying booze on my way home from work. Right now I am not tempted but that may change as the evening progresses.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate everyone's advice/support.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by newhope01
Thanks for taking the time to respond to my thread but it kind of hurt my feelings a bit when you described my posts as "blarney."
I've always been honest in my posts here as what is the point in lying on an anonymous website? When I go to AA meetings if I feel unsafe sharing something, I remain silent. But then, again why should I?
In the AA instance, I think its because Im not sure if what is said will be really anonymous. But, I digress.
Thank you for your support and checking in as you gave some excellent advice that I will use and your check in is helping me to remain accountable. I don't want to ever lie on these forums.
I've always been honest in my posts here as what is the point in lying on an anonymous website? When I go to AA meetings if I feel unsafe sharing something, I remain silent. But then, again why should I?
In the AA instance, I think its because Im not sure if what is said will be really anonymous. But, I digress.
Thank you for your support and checking in as you gave some excellent advice that I will use and your check in is helping me to remain accountable. I don't want to ever lie on these forums.
BB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hey Folks,
BB, my appointment with my psychiatrist isn't till March. I meant to go to an AA meeting yesterday at 12:35 PM but failed to do so. I went grocery shopping and exercised which use to be my routine minus the AA meeting.
Work yesterday was intense. I conducted a group session where a client shared about the loss of her best friend due to heroin overdose. Other clients began to share about all the loved ones they lost to overdose.
Strangely enough, it was a positive and uplifting group session. All these strangers came together to support each other, strangers who may have never even acknowledge each other if it were not for this group in that moment.
I'm not looking forward to work today, as it is one of my more hectic work schedules, but I'm going to keep a positive outlook.
I went to my home group this morning and everyone was ecstatic to see me. They wanted to catch up after the meeting and gave me a lot of positive reinforcement and advice. When I left I felt so loved and accepted.
Im hoping to go again tomorrow but its hard when I work so late. But, I'm going to set my alarm and get to bed the minute I get home so I am not tempted to hit the snooze button.
I was super tempted to drink last night on the way home but I just went straight home and kept telling myself, "no!" every time the thought came to mind. Today is going to be hard but my AA meeting this morning helped and everyone's support here too helps.
Thanks for reading.
BB, my appointment with my psychiatrist isn't till March. I meant to go to an AA meeting yesterday at 12:35 PM but failed to do so. I went grocery shopping and exercised which use to be my routine minus the AA meeting.
Work yesterday was intense. I conducted a group session where a client shared about the loss of her best friend due to heroin overdose. Other clients began to share about all the loved ones they lost to overdose.
Strangely enough, it was a positive and uplifting group session. All these strangers came together to support each other, strangers who may have never even acknowledge each other if it were not for this group in that moment.
I'm not looking forward to work today, as it is one of my more hectic work schedules, but I'm going to keep a positive outlook.
I went to my home group this morning and everyone was ecstatic to see me. They wanted to catch up after the meeting and gave me a lot of positive reinforcement and advice. When I left I felt so loved and accepted.
Im hoping to go again tomorrow but its hard when I work so late. But, I'm going to set my alarm and get to bed the minute I get home so I am not tempted to hit the snooze button.
I was super tempted to drink last night on the way home but I just went straight home and kept telling myself, "no!" every time the thought came to mind. Today is going to be hard but my AA meeting this morning helped and everyone's support here too helps.
Thanks for reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hey Folks,
On day 3
Temptation to buy alcohol on my way home last night was stronger than it was Monday night. Work went better than I suspected, hope it goes that way again tonight.
Somehow I got myself up to attend my home group meeting, boy was that hard.
The topic was about manipulation which is a topic I never thought about in alcoholism before. Which surprises me because we do it all the time when in our active addiction. For me, I would lie to my husband about being drunk and when I was planning to drink I would lie and say I had no plans or wasn't tempted to just wait for him to leave so I could run out to get my booze.
Im sure there are other little manipulations I did as well that will come to mind the more I think about it.
All I know is my kitties manipulate me all the time. =^_^=
On day 3
Temptation to buy alcohol on my way home last night was stronger than it was Monday night. Work went better than I suspected, hope it goes that way again tonight.
Somehow I got myself up to attend my home group meeting, boy was that hard.
The topic was about manipulation which is a topic I never thought about in alcoholism before. Which surprises me because we do it all the time when in our active addiction. For me, I would lie to my husband about being drunk and when I was planning to drink I would lie and say I had no plans or wasn't tempted to just wait for him to leave so I could run out to get my booze.
Im sure there are other little manipulations I did as well that will come to mind the more I think about it.
All I know is my kitties manipulate me all the time. =^_^=
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Newhope I got to the point where I actually believed my lies. My big lie to avoid hanging out with anyone who was not drinking was that I have a lot of work to do or clean my house. That was true because my house was a disaster and I had a lot of work to do. The prob was that it was the same work I didn't do the last 1000 times I said that. The AV is very very sly.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
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I never realised it at the time, but I was a big-time manipulator. I'll tell you something that really makes me blush. When I was drinking I'd sometimes lay in bed thinking about something I'd like to go 'my way'. Usually something shouldn't have been up to. I'd play it and replay it, adjusting little things each time til I got to a plausible scenario where my way would play out.... And then when it actually happened for real I'd think "how bizarre". Of course, it happened because I'd worked it all out in advance and was manipulating things. Happened a LOT.
I also realised when I got sober that a LOT of the time I'd tell little fibs that were completely unnecessary, just to make sure that people didn't think badly of me. Like the time I went up to town to return a pair of shoes I'd bought then changed my mind about. I had the receipt and was perfectly within my rights to return them with no explanation at all, but I caught myself thinking I could say this, that or the other to make it sound better. I was so worried that the shop assistant would think badly of me for returning those stupid shoes. I know that's a bit of a silly example, but it did show me quite how much I hid behind little fibs. All that stuff if so exhausting!
BB
I also realised when I got sober that a LOT of the time I'd tell little fibs that were completely unnecessary, just to make sure that people didn't think badly of me. Like the time I went up to town to return a pair of shoes I'd bought then changed my mind about. I had the receipt and was perfectly within my rights to return them with no explanation at all, but I caught myself thinking I could say this, that or the other to make it sound better. I was so worried that the shop assistant would think badly of me for returning those stupid shoes. I know that's a bit of a silly example, but it did show me quite how much I hid behind little fibs. All that stuff if so exhausting!
BB
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