newhope01

Taketwo, I can tell you are quite knowledgeable and appreciate your time in responding to my thread. I assume you have had some kind of background in psychology or substance abuse?

Forward12

Is accepting your alcoholism and telling your psychiatrist about it an option for you?

newhope01

I don't think it is appropriate for my husband to get involved. He wants to call her answering service and leave a message with her staff to relay to her about my alcoholism.

But, at the same time, I see why he doesn't trust me. Maybe I should let him.

newhope01

I am afraid that if it becomes part of some medical record, it will haunt me for life; something I can't shake. I don't want to go to the doctor and have my past place judgement on my future treatments.

Also, I know that as a substance abuser there are certain drugs that practitioners are wary of prescribing due to dependency. I have an anxiety disorder and am prescribed a medication that does not make me feel high but when I panic, does help. I've never abused it and as a result I have never ran out of it.

Taking this medication is not like when I drink as I'm not trying to get high.

Berrybean

Why don't you just tell them yourself? (If he wants to call that's a separate issue altogether, and isn't the most important thing to be honest. A lot of the time it's easier for us to get wrapped up in what others are / should be doing rather than shine that spot light on ourselves. Thing is, non of us get better by taking other people's inventories). Being selective with the truth tends to be about control. Getting people off our backs, 'encouraging ' them to think a certain way so they'll do x, y or z.

Maybe you could (not on here particularly) try completing this sentence. "If I tell my psychiatrist about my addiction....." I also use a humility prayer when I'm not sure why I'm feeling or acting a particular way. As I read it through and meditate on it usually whatever it is will become apparent by my reaction to it (anxiety or anger or jumping for rationalisations).

God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.

I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.

Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.

Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
Lord, please open my eyes and ears, and help me to recognise my inner child and not act on its whims and fears.

AMEN.


BB

Berrybean

Sorry - cross posted.

Do you live somewhere in the world where Doctors are allowed to give your medical details out? You know, we WILL be alcoholic for life. It needs to have a bearing on our future (and current) treatments I reckon.

Really, do you mean you're not prepared to be honest because they might realise that the meds your on might not be the best thing for you, because they're addictive (but you're not addicted to them, and they wouldn't be affecting your judgement here)? Sounds to me like those meds are speaking to you louder than logic. A bit like alcohol used to for me. Rationalisations aside, you are a substance abuser who is lying through ommission to someone to secure a prescription. Im not suprised your husband is concerned. He loves you and wants you to get better so you can both enjoy a happier life together.

BB

newhope01

My husband just dropped a bottle of hard alcohol in front of me and told me to drink it.

When I asked him where he got it from and why he told me he had it for "a long time."

I didn't drink it and called a friend but right now I feel so broken.

wehav2day

Newhope, I see your concern with the meds but if you have no history with abusing that med, you have no history. I went to a psych FOR my alcoholism and was prescribed anti anxiety meds. And it never came up at my job because of hippa.

I don’t know why your husband would do that. It seems cruel. But so is this disease and what we do to our loved ones. So I can’t give you any advise other that good for you for not drinking!!!! That is huge.

The only way, the only way we have any hope of regaining the trust of the ones we love is to stay sober.

If it helps at all, my partner was pretty much in disbelief that my sobriety would “stick” for over six months. She had good reason to be doubtful. Sometimes she was snarky, sometimes a bit mean. At the time it felt catastrophically mean because i already was having such a hard time trying to live without booze.

But I worked my program, I did the next right thing as well as I could every single day and I prayed for guidance. Guidance to stay away from alcohol. Guidance to know when to stand up for myself and when to keep quiet, humility to do what was needed, no matter what.

People trust me again, and they can trust you too when you stay sober. You’ve got this.

Dee74

I don't know what your husbands motivation was newhope, but I do know you have the power, and the choice not to drink that bottle.

I hope you picked the good road

D

Babescake

That is really ******* of your husband to do. First of all, he has no right to call your psychiatrist to "tattle." That conversation is between you and your dr., but one I hope you take heed for. The dr. or medical profession won't punish you. If in the U.S., I've had the same thoughts in terms of insurance, medical records, etc. JUST GET BETTER.

Also, your husband is a complete ****** for dumping liquor in your lap when you're trying to quit. This isn't a willpower test. You have a disease and need help. Not someone who supposedly loves you mocking you. No offense, but **** him. I suggest going to AA, inpatient or outpatient rehab on your own accord and you put your husband on the back burner a bit. He is obviously just trying to torture you, not help you. And only YOU can help yourself. Sorry you are struggling. Stay strong.

Mizzuno

As much as I dont agree with your husband putting that bottle in front of you, I think he may not understand fully what Alcoholism is and what exactly it does to a person.

A lot of people do not understand alcoholism. It has taken my spouse years to really see what my alcoholism is and how it plays out. Also, your husband may be hurting and angered. Lashing out is sometimes a part of this.

Just a different thought on the matter.

Berrybean

I don't understand. Was this one he'd found hidden somewhere in the house? (Those bottles can keep resurfacing for a while if we hid them and forgot where we put them, or if we already drunk them or not).

Just sounds like this action was likely part of something bigger and we're only getting snapshots here. Same as the other people there to help you, folk here can only help if you choose complete honesty. Not bits and snippets of truth that have been selected.

Do YOU want to get better? Or do you just want to get your husband off your back? If you want to get better, then focus on your side of the street. That's where your power is. You can't change him and his actions and more than he can do yours. But you gotta want it.

Did you call your psychiatrist in the end?

BB

Gottalife

Did someone mention AA as an option? The experience there is the same as those above. There is no way round it. Life and happiness are at stake.

"Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We know but few instances where we have given these doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery!

We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world"

Gottalife

Yeah BB, I too get the feeling there is a bit of ducking and diving going on here, pretty much as I might have played it in the same circumstances.

Berrybean

Pretty much as I DID play it for a long time - til I decided that getting better was too important a chance to mess with.

August252015

ME TOO. And it only did ME a disservice.

I understand wanting those around you (your husband, in this case) to support, get etc- and feeling bad about what they've been through.

But your alcoholism is about YOU. Your life. Your future.

I sincerely hope you listen to the advice we are giving you. It is all in your best interest. You are fortunate to have help- as was I, since my parents continued to pay for my psych even when I was trying to manipulate everyone and everything- and I still have her NOW and I am going on two years sober (next week). Once I got honest with her, among everything and everyone else, my life changed.

Berrybean

Haha - just cleaning the kitchen cupboard out (spring clean style, taking everything right out of the cupboard, wiping etc.) for the first time since we moved in.

What d'ya reckon I just found? Only a half bottle of Absinthe. Jeez Louise. Surely that wasn't mine?! Yuk! But my partner wouldn't have put it back there. Surely?! Who knows. Anyway. I have no business with that junk today. It's down the sink. Gah. The smell!

BB

Dustitoffman

Take the bottle of alcohol to the sink and pour it away. This empowers you takes the bottle out of your sober path. And shows your other half what happens when he does such a thing. I doubt he will make a habit of it, but if he does repeat!

I will not comment on the main posted issue as I am from a different country where things are slightly different so I do not feel it is appropriate.

Best wishes and be strong. Dusty😎

tomsteve

sooo, your psychiatrist doesnt know you went to rehab,too?
disclosing alcoholism to your psychiatrist has NOTHING to do with helping your marraige. it has everything to do with helping YOU.

i took my car to the mechanic. the air conditer stopped working.told him to change the oil and find out what was wrong with my car.
my AC still doesnt workand i cant understand why- i took it to the mechanic and told him there was something wrong and to find out what was wrong- its his JOB to do that.
but now im thinkin, if i would have let him know WHAT was wrong with my car, i would have had the AC working again and i would have been able to ride in comfort.


have you been sober since rehab?

Spence7471

While your husband putting the bottle in front of you was a dickish thing to do, he may have been trying to make a point.... that if you are not willing to be completely honest with those in your life about your addiction, then you might as well just pick up the bottle and drink... save yourself the halfaXXed effort.

I have confronted my wife directly about not having a sponsor in her recovery... she made an effort, but it never really took traction (not really her fault, other people were just not reliable). i pointed this out and she got defensive, but in the end, she realized that it was the truth, and she was slacking on the sponsor... so she put more effort into it and now has a Big Book group and a sponsor.

As for any medical professional you deal with, you should be honest with them about your addiction. Partly because that way they know what NOT to prescribe. Also, they may have different ways to treat situations that will help overall. When i threatened to "tattle" to my wife's employer about her substance abuse (zero tolerance at her employment) she quit that day, then went and got help... she knew i was serious about making sure that people who needed to know would know if she was not willing to be honest about it. Secrets make us all sick....

Truth is it is up to you to do the right thing... and from the addicts I know, they are all master procrastinators... and as such sometimes need a good kick to get them moving.

BTW, my wife signs hippa waivers for me to access all her medical records as of now. I will be doing the same for her, as it is only fair.