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And yet again.

Old 12-01-2017, 10:47 PM
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And yet again.

Hey everyone. I've been here before, but I'm not sure I was ever really able to make an impression enough to be remembered. In any case, I'm back. I had a feeling this would happen. Pretty sure I'm in withdrawals, as I can barely focus enough to see the screen. Nothing like familiar territory.

It took a lot less time for it to catch up with me this round. I relocated to a new state after getting married, and my other half had to leave straightaway on business. The weather is different and miserable, I don't know anyone, and my anxiety disorder kicked in. I lost my job transfer because of my anxiety and so home is where it's at. With nowhere else to turn to, alcohol it was. I was "pacing" myself....one night for drinking, can't drink for at least three nights after.....well what's one more night? Just never two nights in a row....okay fine, two nights in a row, just one drink....what's one more drink, we already had one.....

Anyway I know it's my fault for letting anxiety control me and making the decision to drink. I just hope I can make it through this phase of letting it go. So hello hi howdy and hopefully be seeing everyone around the forum more. Thanks for listening.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:32 PM
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Hi Purple,
No, the 'negotiating' thing, (drink tonite, then 2 off, etc) never works for people like us. I realised that thinking like that was confirmation I had a problem.

Take it easy, maybe work on the sober for when your new partner returns?
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:44 PM
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Welcome back
A little SR can do wonders

D
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Old 12-02-2017, 12:01 AM
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Thank you both!
Definitely working on it starting now. I tend to be fine for months and then have a binge, and I feel like this one was brought on more by having zero other distractions. Time to put in some work!
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:14 AM
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Originally Posted by canguy View Post
Hi Purple,
No, the 'negotiating' thing, (drink tonite, then 2 off, etc) never works for people like us. I realised that thinking like that was confirmation I had a problem.
Yep, tried that too....and failed! "Will I have a drink tonight?" - "no" is a much simpler conversation to have in your head.

Go for it, you can do it!
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Old 12-02-2017, 11:32 AM
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Amen to that. I think it just became about having *anywhere* to funnel my feelings into, and suddenly that seemed the most logical. Human brain
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Old 12-02-2017, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Purpleskye View Post
. Time to put in some work!
THIS! I was like you where I'd go a month or more with nothing, then just have a night out...then another...and another.. It takes work to stay sober. A lot of times, for me, it takes daily work. Either here or hitting up a meeting. Welcome back! Great step in the right direction.
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Old 12-02-2017, 11:48 AM
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Welcome back!
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Old 12-02-2017, 06:49 PM
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Anyway I know it's my fault for letting anxiety control me and making the decision to drink.

If you are an alcoholoic of my type, I dont agree with this idea at all. Not my experience. Many mornings I made an irrevocable decision to not drink that day, or ever again, yet I was drunk the same afternoon. I was drinking against my will. I lacked the power to make that decision a reality. That is the nature of alcholism.

There were these people who had found the power to stay sober. They could point to millions of others who had done the same thing by doing it that way, and this is where my bad decision cost me.

You see, I was different. I didn't want to do it that way, I wanted to do it this way, my way. Even when this way was obviouly not working, I stuck with it in the belief that I would get better by doing more of what didn't work last time. They call it the disease of more, and I always figured I wasn't doing enough.

Given the choice, my decision was to do it this way, not that way. That was my bad decision. I had lost the power of choice in drink, so any decision I made about that never had any effect. I just drank, no matter how great the desire not too.

When I finally and relutantly decided to do it that way, which really involved learning to live a different way, the drink problem went away, no decision required. It no longer occurs to me to drink.
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Old 12-02-2017, 06:57 PM
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Ethanol increases anxiety longterm

Something to keep in mind us ethanol decreases anxiety shortterm (during intoxication) but it increases anxiety longterm. By the time i stopped drinking my anxiety and depression levels were BAD. Theyve significantly improved with 5 months ethanol (poison) free!
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