Anyway I know it's my fault for letting anxiety control me and making the decision to drink.
If you are an alcoholoic of my type, I dont agree with this idea at all. Not my experience. Many mornings I made an irrevocable decision to not drink that day, or ever again, yet I was drunk the same afternoon. I was drinking against my will. I lacked the power to make that decision a reality. That is the nature of alcholism.
There were these people who had found the power to stay sober. They could point to millions of others who had done the same thing by doing it that way, and this is where my bad decision cost me.
You see, I was different. I didn't want to do it that way, I wanted to do it this way, my way. Even when this way was obviouly not working, I stuck with it in the belief that I would get better by doing more of what didn't work last time. They call it the disease of more, and I always figured I wasn't doing enough.
Given the choice, my decision was to do it this way, not that way. That was my bad decision. I had lost the power of choice in drink, so any decision I made about that never had any effect. I just drank, no matter how great the desire not too.
When I finally and relutantly decided to do it that way, which really involved learning to live a different way, the drink problem went away, no decision required. It no longer occurs to me to drink.