29 days 18 hours and I blew it. Day one again for me. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 12-01-2017, 10:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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29 days 18 hours and I blew it. Day one again for me.


I donít know what term to use but I drank yesterday which could have been day 30 for me sober.
Slip, fell off the wagon just donít seem to place the blame on me as I deserve.
I didnít see it coming and not sure I could have stopped it if I had. It all seems like a blur or a dream to me now. Needless to say I am disappointed in myself. I did not drink to excess as I only drank two vodka tonics and I poured the rest down the sink.
So here I am on day one again. I hope a little wiser and smarter from 29 days sober.

Embarrassed, ashamed, p-ssed, frustrated and back again,

asixstringnut
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Old 12-01-2017, 10:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well, you stopped before the wheels fully came off the bus and poured the rest down the sink. that's reducing the harm. i hear you saying you didn't see it coming......i wonder if with some time and thought, you might be able to review the hours or days leading up to that V&T and spot some red flags, signs of trouble looming. the booze didn't just magically appear on the counter, or in the cupboard and it didn't pour itself into a glass.......so how DID those things occur?

it is frustrating when we want something so badly and yet can't quit seem to get it right. with time and practice and commitment, YOU WILL!
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh, so close to 30 days! Jump back on, you can do it.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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glad ya made it back.
toss out the ass kikin machine- it aint helpin ya. dont blame yourself- take responsibility for it and accountability for it not happening again.
also, stay off THAT wagon( it seems to have hit something and tossed ya off) and dont walk on ice.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm with Anvill. No sense beating yourself up, that's what got us into this mess in the first place, right?

I had to come at life from a place of self-forgiveness, forgiveness of others, and a willingness to do only things that were/are good for me. I have a sticky note to remind me of that. "Do only that which is good for you."
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
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TI'm really glad you're back and working on your recovery. I think if you can figure out how to prevent a similar situation from happening again, it would be a good step forward. Hang in there!
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Yesterday's history asix,
Don't beat yourself up over it, you had 29 days, so you know you can do it. Maybe add something into recovery plan, beef it up a bit. Glad you didn't continue drinking, sounds like you already knew where you'd end up. So ya, your a little wiser. Just like you say "dont ever quit trying to quit"
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Glad you dumped the rest! Would have turned into a 2 week binge for me.

I would take it as a slip... definitely not a fall.

Glad you posted about it. You've got this😊
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Glad that you poured the vodka out. Now throw the guilt away, too. It is non-productive and doesn't belong in your bright future, asixstringnut.

Rearrange the tools on your toolbox; maybe add another; saddle up and ride forward.

You can do this.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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My 28 days in rehab gave me a safe alcohol
free environment to allow the fog to clear
out of my mind and allow myself to listen
and learn about my addiction to alcohol and
receive a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of my life once I returned home.

It was a good enough time for the seed of
recovery to be planted with helpful tools
of recovery to help it grow and mature
with me being responsible for my own
recovery and sobriety.

Over the yrs as I continue to listen, learn,
read, absorb, apply what I learned early on,
even coming here to SR, my extra life line
in recovery, ask for help if needed, then I
can return to the basics and stop myself
from returning to the insanity that comes
along with picking up a drink of alcohol/poison.

A successful life in recovery comes with
continued maintenance each and everyday
you wake up and face a new sober day.

I stay within my 24 hour day making sure
that I live to the best of my human ability
because yesterday is over and gone and
tomorrow.....well....it's not here yet so we
have no idea what tomorrow may bring.

Do everything to not drink today.

Then if tomorrow comes, rinse and repeat.

None of us ever have to go thru recovery life
alone or by ourselves. We here in SR are online
fellowship we can lean on for love, care, understanding
and support.

We are here for you. Don't let us go.
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Six - Just look at your own tag line and you will find the answer.

Don't ever quit trying to quit
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Don't discount your accomplishment !

Quote:
Originally Posted by asixstringnut View Post
I donít know what term to use but I drank yesterday which could have been day 30 for me sober.
Slip, fell off the wagon just donít seem to place the blame on me as I deserve.
I didnít see it coming and not sure I could have stopped it if I had. It all seems like a blur or a dream to me now. Needless to say I am disappointed in myself. I did not drink to excess as I only drank two vodka tonics and I poured the rest down the sink.
So here I am on day one again. I hope a little wiser and smarter from 29 days sober.

Embarrassed, ashamed, p-ssed, frustrated and back again,

asixstringnut
Please don't discount the 29 days. That's a big accomplishment . Now get back on that horse and ride again!
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Just a little blip in the road. Welcome back!
Love the lab in your avatar - I have a lab mix myself.
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Old 12-01-2017, 04:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Six
many of us faltered a time or two. No need to beat yourself up - and no need for any of us to do that either.

I wanted to say tho - this?

Quote:
I didn’t see it coming and not sure I could have stopped it if I had.
I think as long as you think that way you're vulnerable.

A good recovery plan should be about self awareness - and it should also be about having a strategy if self awareness fails and you find yourself ambushed.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

in the relationship between you and your addiction, you hold all the power. It needs you to get what it wants.

No surrender.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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29 days is pretty awesome. I'm on day 3 yet again but I'm not giving up!! Your seat's still warm in the November class, come on back.
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Old 12-02-2017, 07:07 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Six,

Coming from a relapser....stopping after 2 is hard to do.

2 drinks is the government recommended max, but I believe it is enough to cause addiction if done daily. I don't trust the government.

The first time i ...relapsed.......after overy 1 year clean....the av screamed for more.

It was like a wave of evil passed through me. There was no guilt...until I posted about it. It was a shot of whisky. I rationalized it was medicinal.

The second time...it was like I was a little kid...doing something wrong....I didn't enjoy it.

But, the door was cracked, and I posted here that i decided to drink, a shot, on special occasions.

I got some feedback....some tough love.

Since that was the only booze I drank, in 2 plus years, the physical and mental damage was null.

I vote you are 29 and 1...or better (nice that you managed to not go into a bender).

Great job on the honesty as well. Walking in the light of the truth.

Thanks.
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BpSSS. My mantra.

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Old 12-02-2017, 10:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Please don't discount the 29 days. That's a big accomplishment . Now get back on that horse and ride again!
This! I'm sorry you drank, but don't give up! You've made a lot of progress!
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Old 12-02-2017, 10:22 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hey, six...how's it goin'? You still here?
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Old 12-02-2017, 05:13 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Hey, six...how's it goin'? You still here?
I am here but barely hanging on.
I feel like I have a real bad case of the ---- it's. I was doing so well but here I am dying for that fix to try to make the pain of failing go away.
I feel so beaten.

asixstringnut
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Old 12-02-2017, 05:28 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I know it seems like an oversimplification, but you really do have to want to be sober more, much more than you want to drink. I hope you come to that point soon.
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