well, you stopped before the wheels fully came off the bus and poured the rest down the sink. that's reducing the harm. i hear you saying you didn't see it coming......i wonder if with some time and thought, you might be able to review the hours or days leading up to that V&T and spot some red flags, signs of trouble looming. the booze didn't just magically appear on the counter, or in the cupboard and it didn't pour itself into a glass.......so how DID those things occur?
it is frustrating when we want something so badly and yet can't quit seem to get it right. with time and practice and commitment, YOU WILL!