Payday Tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
S, do you understand what we mean when we talk about SOBRIETY and RECOVERY here? that it means that drinking is no longer an option for ANY reason? none whatsoever. it doesn't mean trying to drink less or make a bottle last longer, it means removing alcohol completely from our lives.
time and time again the kind folks here have made heartfelt, tried and true suggestions on what DOES work, and time and again you have countered with excuses why those things won't work FOR YOU. and so drinking remains a problem. unless and until you make sobriety your absolute PRIORITY over EVERYTHING else, you'll keep living groundhog's day endlessly..............
it's up to you.
time and time again the kind folks here have made heartfelt, tried and true suggestions on what DOES work, and time and again you have countered with excuses why those things won't work FOR YOU. and so drinking remains a problem. unless and until you make sobriety your absolute PRIORITY over EVERYTHING else, you'll keep living groundhog's day endlessly..............
it's up to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I've removed posts.
Straight talking is fine so long as it's helpful but please keep your comments constructive and respectful.
Slaps and the textual equivalent of rolling of eyes are not helpful.
If this thread triggers you, annoys you or frustrates you, it's ok not to post in this one and to move on to another thread.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Straight talking is fine so long as it's helpful but please keep your comments constructive and respectful.
Slaps and the textual equivalent of rolling of eyes are not helpful.
If this thread triggers you, annoys you or frustrates you, it's ok not to post in this one and to move on to another thread.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Sweetichick, I'm sorry you decided to drink and I'm sure you are disappointed.
My advice would be to use the police to protect you from your ex's who are stalking you. You can get a restraining order and document things. Depending on your neighbour to do that is probably not in your best interest. I think it would be a huge step forward if you recognize that your neighbour is NOT your friend. He may seem like it, but he isn't. Friends do not sexually harass their friends. They just don't.
I know you are trying and I'm glad you're here posting. We do care.
Keep posting and keep working on sobriety and you will be able to do this!
My advice would be to use the police to protect you from your ex's who are stalking you. You can get a restraining order and document things. Depending on your neighbour to do that is probably not in your best interest. I think it would be a huge step forward if you recognize that your neighbour is NOT your friend. He may seem like it, but he isn't. Friends do not sexually harass their friends. They just don't.
I know you are trying and I'm glad you're here posting. We do care.
Keep posting and keep working on sobriety and you will be able to do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: il
Posts: 239
No one should get flamed here at all.They come here and post one thing I will say is that the people that roll their eyes have been in her shoes at one time or another or in my shoe's we are here to help no matter what.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I've removed posts.
Straight talking is fine so long as it's helpful but please keep your comments constructive and respectful.
Slaps and the textual equivalent of rolling of eyes are not helpful.
If this thread triggers you, annoys you or frustrates you, it's ok not to post in this one and to move on to another thread.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Straight talking is fine so long as it's helpful but please keep your comments constructive and respectful.
Slaps and the textual equivalent of rolling of eyes are not helpful.
If this thread triggers you, annoys you or frustrates you, it's ok not to post in this one and to move on to another thread.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi sweetichick
The vast majority of posts and posters are helpful I think.
Sometimes people get a little frustrated trying to help, but I know you're frustrated too.
Addiction can be awfully circular.
I still very much believe you can break the cycle, change your life and turn things around - thats what I'd focus on.
D
The vast majority of posts and posters are helpful I think.
Sometimes people get a little frustrated trying to help, but I know you're frustrated too.
Addiction can be awfully circular.
I still very much believe you can break the cycle, change your life and turn things around - thats what I'd focus on.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Anna
Sweetichick, I'm sorry you decided to drink and I'm sure you are disappointed.
My advice would be to use the police to protect you from your ex's who are stalking you. You can get a restraining order and document things. Depending on your neighbour to do that is probably not in your best interest. I think it would be a huge step forward if you recognize that your neighbour is NOT your friend. He may seem like it, but he isn't. Friends do not sexually harass their friends. They just don't.
I know you are trying and I'm glad you're here posting. We do care. Keep posting and keep working on sobriety and you will be able to do this!
My advice would be to use the police to protect you from your ex's who are stalking you. You can get a restraining order and document things. Depending on your neighbour to do that is probably not in your best interest. I think it would be a huge step forward if you recognize that your neighbour is NOT your friend. He may seem like it, but he isn't. Friends do not sexually harass their friends. They just don't.
I know you are trying and I'm glad you're here posting. We do care.
Keep posting and keep working on sobriety and you will be able to do this!Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
why would you let him IN????
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by sweetichick
I can lock him out. Problem is he comes back every 2 hours and half bangs the door in. I might today actually. Good idea.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Seattle
Posts: 107
SC,
Here is a question to ponder, why would a friend try and separate you from a source of hope and something that you appear to value highly?
This happened to me in ,y own life and the answer was a person that saw me wanting to make a change, starting to make a change and trying to keep me under their control. He fought harder when he saw he was starting to loose. I felt crazy and didn't see that I was getting stronger and winning. This might not be your story, but it sounds like part of ,one so I am sharing. Stay with it even though it is freakin hard. Keep at it even if you make one small change at a time.
Here is a question to ponder, why would a friend try and separate you from a source of hope and something that you appear to value highly?
This happened to me in ,y own life and the answer was a person that saw me wanting to make a change, starting to make a change and trying to keep me under their control. He fought harder when he saw he was starting to loose. I felt crazy and didn't see that I was getting stronger and winning. This might not be your story, but it sounds like part of ,one so I am sharing. Stay with it even though it is freakin hard. Keep at it even if you make one small change at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
Please correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like to me when you're weak and under the influence you may become needy and your neighbour enjoys this attention. You don't need him when you have a clear head and he doesn't like this. He is not a supportive friend.
You don't need him in your life - you are more than capable of sorting things out alone. I am alone but I do things for myself - I make a plan to keep myself busy - It is hard but I feel stronger as time goes by. Its pay-day today for me and I will be tempted but I am prepared for this and going to avoid the local shop where I normally buy my wine, going to keep busy with batch cooking so I have plenty of homemade meals ready in the freezer. I will also use the time to phone my friends and family that I haven't spoken to all week. When I go to the supermarket later (don't normally buy wine here) I'm going to look for a lovely new soft drink to try.
For this neighbour to not want you to log onto SR proves he is no friend of yours. You may feel alone at times but you can and will build your life up for the better when sober.
Take care X
You don't need him in your life - you are more than capable of sorting things out alone. I am alone but I do things for myself - I make a plan to keep myself busy - It is hard but I feel stronger as time goes by. Its pay-day today for me and I will be tempted but I am prepared for this and going to avoid the local shop where I normally buy my wine, going to keep busy with batch cooking so I have plenty of homemade meals ready in the freezer. I will also use the time to phone my friends and family that I haven't spoken to all week. When I go to the supermarket later (don't normally buy wine here) I'm going to look for a lovely new soft drink to try.
For this neighbour to not want you to log onto SR proves he is no friend of yours. You may feel alone at times but you can and will build your life up for the better when sober.
Take care X
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
You will get this sorted Sweetichick I know you will , never give up .
when I worked 4 on 4 off night shifts i,d drink for 3 days spend a day to recover then work 4 nights and repeat . I tried a hundred times to control it and drink only one of my days off but I never ever succeeded . The only way I could control it was by changing my thinking ,finding a higher power and not taking one drink . When this happened my 4 days off were fantastic and I enjoyed returning to work fresh in mind and body .
Unfortunately after I think 3 months of sobriety I though I could try a litttle drink and within a very short time I was back to square one .
Total abstinence is the only solution for me and at 4 months I love life again .
I wish you well .
when I worked 4 on 4 off night shifts i,d drink for 3 days spend a day to recover then work 4 nights and repeat . I tried a hundred times to control it and drink only one of my days off but I never ever succeeded . The only way I could control it was by changing my thinking ,finding a higher power and not taking one drink . When this happened my 4 days off were fantastic and I enjoyed returning to work fresh in mind and body .
Unfortunately after I think 3 months of sobriety I though I could try a litttle drink and within a very short time I was back to square one .
Total abstinence is the only solution for me and at 4 months I love life again .
I wish you well .
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I sent my friend a blunt tex message about the sexual harassment. I tokd him I was ending the friendship if he didn't stop his negativity and putting me down. He hasn't answered my message or knocked. It is a good thing. Hhes not willing to change his behaviour, so bye bye. It was because of you guys on here that I had the guts to stand up to him even if it was via a text. And I am not drinking which is even better
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Sweetichick,
I'm glad you are here posting, and you are sober. Those are two very positive things.
You have had issues with this neighbor for quite some time now, and it is definitely not a healthy situation for you. Is moving a possibility? Do you have any friends/family that you could possibly stay with for a bit while you looked into rehab, even as an intense outpatient. You keep coming back here, so you definitely want to stop drinking. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is admit we need help.
Sending,outs of love your way.
I'm glad you are here posting, and you are sober. Those are two very positive things.
You have had issues with this neighbor for quite some time now, and it is definitely not a healthy situation for you. Is moving a possibility? Do you have any friends/family that you could possibly stay with for a bit while you looked into rehab, even as an intense outpatient. You keep coming back here, so you definitely want to stop drinking. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is admit we need help.
Sending,outs of love your way.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I tried texting him to see if we could reach a compromise. He wouldn't even walk across the road to discuss it. I told him to get lost forever. I tried to do the right thing. By a compromise I meant just maintaining the friendship. I was very polite until his attitude really got to me. He must just want a place to live next year complete with a free dominatrix. I wish I hadn't bothered. I am not drinking over it. Hope he ends up in a tent under a bridge.I have blocked him from texting me now. I have heaps of relationship but none like this. He is 13 years older and tried to say it was my age. Looks like I have only one girlfriend now.
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