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Payday Tomorrow

Old 11-27-2017, 01:35 PM
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Good luck with your payday. Paying all your bills, etc, ASAP is definitely a sensible idea.
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Old 11-27-2017, 05:15 PM
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So far so good. Massive craving though now the pub is open. Money sent to car payment early. A bit of money left over. I hope I can do this. I have always drunk on payday.
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Old 11-27-2017, 07:41 PM
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You’re doing great sweetichick!
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Old 11-27-2017, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I have always drunk on payday.
You don't have to do what you've always done today if you don't want to. It's really a simple choice....decide to do something else and hold yourself accountable. Write it down if have to...make a schedule for the rest of the day and follow it.
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:49 PM
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How's it going sweetichick? I hope you are staying strong through this day. What is your plan going forward? Were you able to get a hold of the psychologist?
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Old 11-27-2017, 11:03 PM
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How'd the rest of the day treat you sweetichick?

D
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Old 11-28-2017, 10:06 PM
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I hate writing this as I feel like I failed everyone who was so helpful. I ended up drinking a small cask of wine. I am having problems with my best friend. Everything was going fine and we hardly saw each other. Now I am not drinking and smoking much and have a new attitude such as paying bills he is interested in me again. Constant sexual harassment. He told me today that I need to lower or get rid of my morals and have more fun. With him obviously. The friendship was fine. Now I am anxious. I know I have written about him before and it is just groundhog day again. The good news is all bills are paid before I drank instead of the other way around.I know I used to drink to get rid of him which worked to some degree. Now I need to do something else.
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Old 11-28-2017, 11:30 PM
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Sorry to read this sweetichick.
I know you are feeling miserable right now and probably don't feel like it, but if you want to get sober you have to put in the work... so, I ask the question... what could you have done differently?
Maybe getting out of the house to several AA meetings would have been a solution, or the solution for next time. You would be somewhere focussed on getting sober AND away from this friend of yours.
I still continue to press on about calling the rehab centre. For information about a stay, but at a minimum an appointment with the psychologist. An appointment with them is not going to just happen, they are not going to call and seek you out, YOU have to be the one to make the call. I would make that a top priority.
What made you not come on here before drinking? And trust me, I've been there. Often it was just that I wanted to drink and didn't want anyone talking me out of it. Was it that way for you?
You\ve got to want this sweetichick, you've got to want it and, more importantly, do something to make it happen. I too was stuck in the cycle of just waiting for it to magically happen. I was stuck there for a very long time, so I understand you and do not judge you. But only when I actually started doing something- a lot of things actually- did any real sobriety happen for me.

Let's get back at it, what do you say? Enough of the wine. Stop now, as hard as that is. You can do it.
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Old 11-29-2017, 12:15 AM
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Hi Mera. I don't honestly know what I could have done differently. There's only a few Aa meetings near me and they're at night. As dor rehab I rang but cannot afford it with my three loans to pay. I saw a psychologist a year ago and joined a social group and practice deep breathing and mindfulness which he taught me. I don't really have a hobby which is the only thing I haven't done. I don't know what the answer is except don't drink and do more meetings. I convinced myself the cask would last a week. Really stupid. At least it was small. Thanks so much for trying to he lp me.
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Old 11-29-2017, 12:47 AM
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Hi sweetichick

If you want change, you need to make changes - that the bottom line.

I drank every payday too - until I didn't.

I went along with a lot of dysfunctional and codependent relationships that hurt me because I felt I needed a human connection, any connection.

Just because something always been that way doesn't mean things can't change.

what else could you have done? I dunno - but I remember sitting on SR for about 18 hours one day trying to fend off the desire to drink.

I really wanted change, so I really put in every ounce of effort I had.

I dunno what else to tell you, really.

D
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Old 11-29-2017, 01:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post

Meetings. Talk with your sponsor. Prayer & meditation. Avoid crazy people (one in particular) like the plague. Gratitude lists. Don't take the first drink. Don't go near slippery places. Pay bills as soon as you get paid. Post here BEFORE you drink and wait for people to respond .... I dunno SC. We can all suggest things, but you gotta want it enough to push through the discomfort and choose not to act on those lies your AV feeds you.



BB
Okay. So this month you focussed on the paying the bills bit - and Hopefully you can carry that on every month to minimise the potential for chaos.

But, more importantly, what do you intend to do NEXT time? What is your plan? Can you really not see anything you could have done differently? What about the...

Meetings (even if you go on a road trip for one a bit further away each payday. That could be quite a fun was to stay out of mischief.
Talk with your sponsor.
Prayer and / or meditation.
Avoid crazy people (one in particular) like the plague.
Gratitude lists.
Don't take the first drink.
Don't go near slippery places.
Post here BEFORE you drink and wait for people to respond
Listen to speaker recordings
Phone a friend
Get a date / volunteer commitment / one to one meeting with your sponsor or an AA buddy lined up for straight after work on payday ahead of time.

Thing is, none of the above are new ideas to you. They're just things that don't appeal to you, or scare you, or your AV talks you out of doing because there's easier and funner stuff to do, like drinking and lowering your morals with a neighbour who you have a history with.

I must say, every time you mention your neighbour / ex / friend bloke i get the same mental image in my head as i do for the devils apprentice when i read the screwtape letters. You should read that book sometime. It's kinda bitter-sweet funny.

Anyway. You know. We all have choices to make. We all gotta decide how much we want to be sober and how much we're willing to change in ourselves, our lives and our habits in order to get that. My choices and ways of doing things aren't necessarily going to be what suits other folk. But you know, this has been going on SO long. All the payday debacles, and on and off with the guy who you class as a friend (although he seems to put his own jollies above something as important as your principles and happiness, so I'm not sure just what kind of friend that makes him).

Bottom line is. If you want your life to be different, you gotta be willing to do something different. And yes, that will be scary. It will seem like hard work, because everything will be different to what you're used to doing and feel inclined to do. It might seem like you're missing out initially. But it was like that for everyone at first, and then gradually it got better.

It's never gonna just happen by accident, or easily, or without discomfort.

I hope that you decide to get back to sober TODAY, and carry on with it. If you can get to next payday with a month of sobriety behind you, and some new habits forming and some new tools for sobriety in place perhaps you'll be able to push through next payday that bit easier. What d'ya reckon Sweetie?

BB
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Old 11-29-2017, 02:04 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Okay. So this month you focussed on the paying the bills bit - and Hopefully you can carry that on every month to minimise the potential for chaos.

But, more importantly, what do you intend to do NEXT time? What is your plan? Can you really not see anything you could have done differently? What about the...

Meetings (even if you go on a road trip for one a bit further away each payday. That could be quite a fun was to stay out of mischief.
Talk with your sponsor.
Prayer and / or meditation.
Avoid crazy people (one in particular) like the plague.
Gratitude lists.
Don't take the first drink.
Don't go near slippery places.
Post here BEFORE you drink and wait for people to respond
Listen to speaker recordings
Phone a friend
Get a date / volunteer commitment / one to one meeting with your sponsor or an AA buddy lined up for straight after work on payday ahead of time.

Thing is, none of the above are new ideas to you. They're just things that don't appeal to you, or scare you, or your AV talks you out of doing because there's easier and funner stuff to do, like drinking and lowering your morals with a neighbour who you have a history with.

I must say, every time you mention your neighbour / ex / friend bloke i get the same mental image in my head as i do for the devils apprentice when i read the screwtape letters. You should read that book sometime. It's kinda bitter-sweet funny.

Anyway. You know. We all have choices to make. We all gotta decide how much we want to be sober and how much we're willing to change in ourselves, our lives and our habits in order to get that. My choices and ways of doing things aren't necessarily going to be what suits other folk. But you know, this has been going on SO long. All the payday debacles, and on and off with the guy who you class as a friend (although he seems to put his own jollies above something as important as your principles and happiness, so I'm not sure just what kind of friend that makes him).

Bottom line is. If you want your life to be different, you gotta be willing to do something different. And yes, that will be scary. It will seem like hard work, because everything will be different to what you're used to doing and feel inclined to do. It might seem like you're missing out initially. But it was like that for everyone at first, and then gradually it got better.

It's never gonna just happen by accident, or easily, or without discomfort.

I hope that you decide to get back to sober TODAY, and carry on with it. If you can get to next payday with a month of sobriety behind you, and some new habits forming and some new tools for sobriety in place perhaps you'll be able to push through next payday that bit easier. What d'ya reckon Sweetie?

BB
I haven't drunk and lowered my morals with my neighbor for 18 months so I don't know what you are implying. Secon I don't have a sponsor. I sacked the last as she was sick in the head. Thirdly I can't aff $15 in petrol to go miles to a meeting. Fourthly I do pray and meditate. And my friend is only around as he lives five metres away and keeps my 2 stalking exes away. I sleep peacefully every night due to him. No thefts or breakins. Are you finished now?
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Old 11-29-2017, 02:27 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I haven't drunk and lowered my morals with my neighbor for 18 months so I don't know what you are implying. Secon I don't have a sponsor. I sacked the last as she was sick in the head. Thirdly I can't aff $15 in petrol to go miles to a meeting. Fourthly I do pray and meditate. And my friend is only around as he lives five metres away and keeps my 2 stalking exes away. I sleep peacefully every night due to him. No thefts or breakins. Are you finished now?
This is what I was referring to SC.... 'I am having problems with my best friend. Everything was going fine and we hardly saw each other. Now ... he is interested in me again. Constant sexual harassment. He told me today that I need to lower or get rid of my morals and have more fun. "

Friends don't sexually harass us or suggest we lower / discard our morals.

Why not try getting a new / different sponsor - one who has strong sobriety and isn't sick in the head? Or at least get some sobriety friends who you can meet up with on those tricky times.

I certainly don't mean to offend you SC. If you're really happy with the way things are then by all means carry on as you are. Your life. Your choice. But it is a choice.

BB
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Old 11-29-2017, 02:30 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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People are trying to help sweetichick .

Presonally I don't want to see you end up like I did and nearly dead from this crap.

a small cask must be about $15 nowadays yeah?
You could always use that for petrol next payday.

It's little choices like that that make the difference, yeah?.

D
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Old 11-29-2017, 02:57 AM
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Hey Berry. I was a bit offended as I am trying as hard as I know how. I am still upset about the sexual harassment. He likes dominatrix and its way out of my comfort zone. He can pay someone for it. Not interested. I am still scared of my stalking exes. Whether he is really keeping me safe is yet t be seen. Hope u have t good day or night.
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Old 11-29-2017, 03:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
People are trying to help sweetichick .

Presonally I don't want to see you end up like I did and nearly dead from this crap.

a small cask must be about $15 nowadays yeah?
You could always use that for petrol next payday.

It's little choices like that that make the difference, yeah?.

D
Hey Dee. I know. I get offended easily. I appreciate everyone help. Just had a bad day. I don't want to die from drinking. Appreciate the support.
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Old 11-29-2017, 03:48 AM
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Sorry for being too sensitive. Really reeling from the sexual harassment. Plus my best friend wants to move in. He reckons his wife work is closing soon. Once she loses her job she will go back to Thailand to be with her children. Never been so stressed. He can't move in with me.
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Old 11-29-2017, 03:58 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Sorry for being too sensitive. Really reeling from the sexual harassment. Plus my best friend wants to move in. He reckons his wife work is closing soon. Once she loses her job she will go back to Thailand to be with her children. Never been so stressed. He rcan't move in with me.
Hmmm - sounds to me (reading between the lines) like he has been feeding you this B.S..... 'keeps my 2 stalking exes away. I sleep peacefully every night due to him. No thefts or breakins' to play on your fears and insecurities so you'll be easier to manipulate.

Am I right in thinking that he wasn't so keen on you attending AA / getting a sponsor? Or perhaps I'm getting muddled with someone else.

Anyway - "No" is a complete sentence. None of us owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to share our home and private space with them. "Thanks for thinking of me, but the answer is no." Should suffice. And if it doesn't and he cops a strop over it, well, at least it'll answer your questions about his motives.

BB
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Old 11-29-2017, 04:50 AM
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Sweetichick, you cannot do anything about your neighbour's character as a person. We cannot change other people. We can however decide what it is that we want and do things to guide our lives in that direction.
You do not want him in your house or life? You do not want to be sexually harassed by him? Then YOU have to do something to make that happen. He is not going to change just based on your wishes. YOU have to say no to him. YOU have to keep him away.
Same thing with drinking. You have to decide if you want to be sober and then YOU have to do something to make that happen. Just wishing for it is not going to make it happen.
I remember something our psychologist talked about at one of our group sessions at rehab. She was talking about why we keep doing the same things and making the same mistakes. She explained because it is just plain easier to go down the well worn path. It is comfortable and easy to keep up habits. Doing something new, changing, is uncomfortable and takes real effort to forge a new path. But it is work that must be done if we want to get to a different point. Going down the same, well-worn path is only going to take us to the same point it has always led us to- drunk and unhappy, Sobriety takes work because it is new and different. But I assure you it is worth the work.

I say the following with care, concern and out of my own personal experience (and it has been said to you many times before, so forgive me but you never know when and how it will stick) you will not find sobriety just by talking about it or wishing for it, you have to make some major and uncomfortable changes in your life. What you are doing is not working and is never going to work.

I think you made progress and did something good by posting here before payday came. You also did a great thing by paying your bills before going on a wine buying spree. But do you see that it is not enough? Your path to sobriety requires that you do more.

What changed with the rehab situation? I recall a while back you were able to afford it or there was some sort of payment plan- am I incorrect? I really do believe you need professional help. I don't tell you that to make you feel bad or to beat a dead horse. I do believe that people continuously telling me that here on SR led me to finally accepting it immediately when it was mentioned as an option during an appointment with my psychiatrist. I am so thankful to everyone here that they kept pushing that at me even when it was hard for me to hear or annoyed me. I am so thankful for my rehab experience too.
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Old 11-29-2017, 05:12 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Sweetchick any day sober is better than one drunk so dust yourself off and get back at it.Don,t look back what's done is done .
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