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Old 10-15-2017, 01:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Danger points, milestones?


I am now at almost 5 months with no alcohol and though still tempted and tested more often than I'd like, I feel I'm hitting my stride. It does seem to have gotten easier. I've never gone this long before. I know some people say there are especially predictable danger times, like 3 days, 3 months.. and I've found that to be true as well. So easy to slip into thinking, "Maybe I'm ok now that I've reached (X amount of time)". I know I'm not. But it helps to know that certain milestones are predictably difficult. Any others ahead? 6 months?
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Old 10-15-2017, 02:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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My AV says I've proven that I can stop whenever I want. IT always says I'm okay.

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Besides it doesn't matter , I quit
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Old 10-15-2017, 05:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I’m about a month ahead, closing in on six months.

It did get easier for me. I did everything I could to get there and stay there. Pretty rock solid but not cocky. Cocky is dangerous.

I am not merely abstinent but rather sober and work on it daily. Sounds like you’re kicking butt!
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Old 10-15-2017, 06:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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In my opinion, there is no special numerical day that is a tipping point.

Rather, it’s an event, usually an unexpected bad one.

I’ve had this conversation with some other AA guys, and the thing that frightens us the most, and could really test our sobriety, is the sudden death of one of our children.
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Old 10-15-2017, 06:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It sounds like you're doing great and I think you will get through any tough times ahead.
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Old 10-15-2017, 06:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275 View Post
In my opinion, there is no special numerical day that is a tipping point.

Rather, itís an event, usually an unexpected bad one.

Iíve had this conversation with some other AA guys, and the thing that frightens us the most, and could really test our sobriety, is the sudden death of one of our children.
In my experience I found this to be true. The events or holidays that I always drank around were tough. Now I have a routine of meditation, praying and having a plan. If I don't feel spiritually fit or overly anxious then the event gets skipped. My sobriety has to be number one because without it I don't have anything else. With that said, the two arbitrary days that I remember that made me feel anxious was my 9 month and 1 year time frames. Talking with my sponsor I figured out that I knew the success rates of reaching those milestones and let my pessimistic thinking return.

Good luck and asking questions always helped me with the anxiety.
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Old 10-15-2017, 07:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I’m convinced 1 is too many and I believe I will slide right back to where I was when I started sobriety. I remember day 1 and the first 30 days. I never want to go back there. I won’t forget the feeling of alcohol becoming more and more consuming, a more complete thief of my life. Days pass, temptations happen, urges will wash over me, but I won’t forget. If I do I will relapse.
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Old 10-16-2017, 04:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
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This is a very important thread for me , one which I was thinking about starting too . Thank you for reminding us how when we are feeling better there is a danger of thinking its ok to try one or two . I never started drinking because of some bad event it was ALWAYS when I was happy and feeling good.

Congratulations to you on your milestone and commitment .
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Old 10-16-2017, 05:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Great job so far! It does keep getting better - and IME as I have learned tools and my thinking has completely changed in countless ways, dealing with "Waves" or "milestones" or unexpected things (definitely agree that there are "surprise" moments along the way).

IME . . . 100 days was a great turning point for physical, mental and emotional growth.

4 months had a week or so of complete irritability.

8 mos was wonderful - 9 was a mixed bag.

13 was awesome- of course, a year was so important but by then things felt "normal" in my life of recovery.

I have had some amazing things happen so far in my recovery- most certainly seen many promises coming true during my very dedicated AA program, here at almost 20 mo (this Sat).

18 mo- I got a very unpleasant surprise - I was so disturbed by a trip to the mtns for a wedding by the glut of wine and places with wine and wedding and...my problem (wanting to drink and such) has been removed but it was a huge EMOTIONAL "thing" for me.

At this point, I have found myself dealing with anxiety- mainly over great things and also about ongoing "situations" (my complex rel with my mom, for example) - and so much gratitude for things like a wonderfully growing relationship with my 15 yr old stepdaughter to be, and working for a restaurant group whose owner started an industry recovery group; I have become part of an amazing work culture.

I outline it like this because IME (and as others have shared and I have seen them go through) recovery is a journey that doesn't stop - and that's one of the best things about it. We don't know what's coming next and IME learning to accept that (and re-accept it, as with all things) is critical for a life of peace and joy in recovery, which is a very different thing than mere sobriety (abstinence). Fear need not be a part of our lives, but awareness is. A plan for "big" or "risky" situations - for example, this week I am in Charleston SC (I live in Atlanta) for some big events, meetings and growth with my work opportunity and I have a detailed plan for my week, including a list of meetings here, plans for dinner with a friend, people to call and text as needed for any reason, plans for yoga classes on my two free days - and permission to go home if I become uncertain I can emotionally handle anything.

My AA program saved my life and continues to give me life every day. Whatever program someone uses- and I adamantly believe a program of ACTION, beyond ourselves, our will, our self-reliance, which are simply not enough, at least for this alcoholic- living well in sobriety (for me, better than I ever have before) is entirely possible.

Best to you for your continued sobriety and recovery.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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This is all so helpful. Thank you very much, all, for sharing your experiences. I think, up to this point, I have been going on adrenalin and pure will because I know this is what I need to do to reclaim my life and health. That alone may not sustain me long term. Thank you.
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Old 10-16-2017, 06:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Never confuse abstinence with control

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Old 10-16-2017, 07:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
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chapter 3 in the big book tells the story of a man whose danger point was thirty years. He stopped drinking because of the negative effect on his work, and not until he retired did he have another drink. He was unable to stop again and was dead within 4 years.

The milestones for me were when the monkeys came off my back. The crazy thinking, the memories, the fears of the past catching up with me. The biggest I guess was the sense of freedom resulting from step nine, and of course the alcohol problem being removed. Those were milestones that really meant something.

When I was just trying to abstain, hanging on for dear life, counting the ever so slowly passing miserable days, that was really no more than an attempt at control, and I always lost control. Freedom turned out to be a much better deal.
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well done on 5 months.

5 Months is the longest i went. i let life get the better of me and decided
to wreck it all. That was the first time i tried a detox and still didnt have
(still trying to get) coping mechanisms or ways top deal with things without booze.

The timeline things interesting. The last time i was in detox i met an older gent who swore everything was in threes. three days three months three years etc.

I think a lot of it may well depend on if you believe in fate or not.
May not have any difference at all.

This is geeting a bit deep. haha

Good job anyway mate keep it up
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Old 10-17-2017, 04:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
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You're doing great, tealily. I do feel like I let up a little mentally once I hit 6 months in my last streak, looking back on it now. Subtle things, like letting misplaced nostalgia drift back into my thinking without challenging it.
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Old 10-17-2017, 04:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
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This is all so helpful. Thank you very much, all, for sharing your experiences. I think, up to this point, I have been going on adrenalin and pure will because I know this is what I need to do to reclaim my life and health. That alone may not sustain me long term. Thank you.
Adrenaline and will would definitely not sustain me. And....using those would be infinitely more taxing, exhausting, and unfulfilling than having a program, spiritual and people support and a new way of living. The life I have? It is joyful and peaceful and calm most of the time and I have tools to deal with life as it comes in.
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