Just days away from 6 months and I fail
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
In my past failures, I used to carry beer for my relatives, but say I don't drink. Then I'd read the label, and say I dont drink.
I would probably also start cooking with it and say "I don't drink, i just cook with it"
Point is I started to get as close as possible to alcohol, I was fooling/comforting myself.
I hope it's different for me this time because iam lucky to realise this was one of my triggers. I had a 1 step back 2 steps forward moment, so don't give up.
Your story is deep, perhaps talk to your son? And stick with the cooking! And the little italian kitchen.
I always go on YouTube to watch people like yourself, so don't give up, you teach ppl like me how to stay away from McDonald's
I would probably also start cooking with it and say "I don't drink, i just cook with it"
Point is I started to get as close as possible to alcohol, I was fooling/comforting myself.
I hope it's different for me this time because iam lucky to realise this was one of my triggers. I had a 1 step back 2 steps forward moment, so don't give up.
Your story is deep, perhaps talk to your son? And stick with the cooking! And the little italian kitchen.
I always go on YouTube to watch people like yourself, so don't give up, you teach ppl like me how to stay away from McDonald's
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Thinking of you, Mera....I'm sorry this happened when you were doing so well. I know you can do it again. You've got to keep trying. Your video is fantastic! I'm so sorry you are hurting. Please don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
You are not a waste. Your sober time was not a waste. I think the fact that this is so upsetting, shows how much you want to continue to be sober, and therefore how much you've allowed yourself to grow.
Your children love you and need you. I think as children, we can all go through phases where we might not show or express our love for our parents as much as other times, but the love is still there.
Keep posting.
Your children love you and need you. I think as children, we can all go through phases where we might not show or express our love for our parents as much as other times, but the love is still there.
Keep posting.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
Stay Strong
This is just a slip up. It happens. You had 6-months which is no small accomplishment. I had 7-years-sober and I screwed up.
Write down what happened, why and how you can avoid it in the future and try to look at it as a learning experience and stay positive,
Don't hurt yourself. Everyone makes mistakes... Important thing is we learn from it and move on. You can come back from this. You die, there is no coming back from that.
Write down what happened, why and how you can avoid it in the future and try to look at it as a learning experience and stay positive,
Don't hurt yourself. Everyone makes mistakes... Important thing is we learn from it and move on. You can come back from this. You die, there is no coming back from that.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Im so sorry Mera, Im thinking of you and sending prayers. Thank you for your post i can related to that feeling of needing everything, its the alcohol.
i don't know when it happened but alcohol made me suicidal. put it down and your emotions will balance again. 6 months is a big success and you will be there again and more strength.
give yourself credit it must be awfully difficult to get sober in Italy where alcohol is everywhere and romanticized.
the true for me is alcohol depress me and put me right to that edge so i understand. also your kid loves you probably more than you think you need to stay strong for him.
sending you prayers and rooting for you please keep posting so we know how you are doing
i don't know when it happened but alcohol made me suicidal. put it down and your emotions will balance again. 6 months is a big success and you will be there again and more strength.
give yourself credit it must be awfully difficult to get sober in Italy where alcohol is everywhere and romanticized.
the true for me is alcohol depress me and put me right to that edge so i understand. also your kid loves you probably more than you think you need to stay strong for him.
sending you prayers and rooting for you please keep posting so we know how you are doing
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Mera, sending you support. You are not alone. I know the feeling of desperation well, just remember that it passes. Everything that your alcohol-infused brain is whispering now is a lie. Leaving this world is not the answer, you are needed here. Sending you love and warm wishes. Keep going, you are a fighter, and you can do it again.
Dump all alcohol.
Dump all alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
Don't beat yourself up over it, don't be so hard on yourself and forgive yourself. It's merely a slip in your amazing progress. Don't let that one negative consume you and take over.
I know I could never keep alcohol at my place, it would be a matter of time. If it's at all possible, practice what you preach when you say that if alcohol is a concern for your viewers then skip it. Try not to use it in your recipes and instead say if you wish to add a cup or tablespoon of this or that to the recipe, go right ahead. But keep it out of your reach is my best advice. You're only human.
I know I could never keep alcohol at my place, it would be a matter of time. If it's at all possible, practice what you preach when you say that if alcohol is a concern for your viewers then skip it. Try not to use it in your recipes and instead say if you wish to add a cup or tablespoon of this or that to the recipe, go right ahead. But keep it out of your reach is my best advice. You're only human.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Mera, you've done so well. If this alcoholism crap were easy we'd all be sober on the first try. IMHO you've NOT lost the last 6 months, but it is a great reminder to me and hopefully to you how dangerous that first drink can be. I went through a period where I would get a few months, drink pick myself up, then get 3 weeks drink, pick myself up and then I resorted to only getting a few days. It truly believe that first drink activates the beast in all of us. I've done enough reading on brain chemicals to support this as a fact.
Good luck lady, you're not alone. This is tough stuff.
Good luck lady, you're not alone. This is tough stuff.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
I understand where you are coming from. I relapsed at 5.5 months about six months ago, and it took me about 5 months to now get back on track with 27 days. Other members are being helpful by telling you it is just a slip and you can get back on track, but the harsh reality is that it is difficult to get back on track because the physical and mental obsession and cravings get sparked again. I don't keep any wine in my apartment, nor do I ever cook with it or eat meals cooked with alcohol. I hope you can get back on track and not wait for something bad again to happen (a new bottom) which is what happened to me. Easier said than done, however. All the best!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Sorry to hear that mera. We are all here for you. You can and will pick yourself up and start again. I can relate as had 3.5 years then drank. It took me over a year to stop again but you can do this now. You've not lost your six months you know you will do it again and longer. X
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Mera, chiming in to support you. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Not even close to being worth it. I've been right there with you at times in my life. Let's get back to work and back to sobriety, ok?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I hope that you have something that helps you through this day, Mera. I empathize because I felt that way more times than I could count in the past, made plans etc.
I personally would not recommend taking it lightly though. This seems to be a pattern in how you respond to stress, then discuss it here, then you do a lot to remain sober and work on your recovery, but... And, how do you just "find" a bottle of brandy and then a bottle of rum??!
I personally would not recommend taking it lightly though. This seems to be a pattern in how you respond to stress, then discuss it here, then you do a lot to remain sober and work on your recovery, but... And, how do you just "find" a bottle of brandy and then a bottle of rum??!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Mera:
I'm here too! I'm sorry this happened but it's not over! You will pass this!
I'm glad you came here and posted about it because I know that never easy.
Re-evaluate your plan, tweak and keep going. How about a no-booze in the house rule? I understand if you want to have Luis for your guests when you're entertaining but I asked them to take them with them when they leave or dump it. I also suggest that you don't keep booze around for cooking.
We are with you Mera and we appreciate you!
I'm here too! I'm sorry this happened but it's not over! You will pass this!
I'm glad you came here and posted about it because I know that never easy.
Re-evaluate your plan, tweak and keep going. How about a no-booze in the house rule? I understand if you want to have Luis for your guests when you're entertaining but I asked them to take them with them when they leave or dump it. I also suggest that you don't keep booze around for cooking.
We are with you Mera and we appreciate you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: California
Posts: 339
You're so brave to say your story. It happens to us all it doesn't mean that you failed...because if you had failed you wouldn't of told us the truth. I admire you for that. I think you can start all over again. You have so much to live for. If you ever need someone to talk to i'm here! I'm only on day 9 so you can start over and join me on this journey of sobriety! I'll cheer you on!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Dear Dear Mera:
Yes, it's happened to me! It's a slip, a fall but it's not going back to ground Zero. The tiger (AV) was watching behind your back. As you know, I have analogized this to climbing a mountain, like the horrendous north face of Switzerland's Eiger. It's a lot safer if you have others on the rope. Folks with more experience. It doesn't have to be AA but it can be and has been for many. Humans are hard wired to be collective, not solitary.
Throw out all the booze, cooking or otherwise. Flush down any addictive pills. See your doctor. If you feel suicidal go to the ER immediately. Never Surrender!
Do send me a private message as you have done in the past. You can also call me on Skype. Aiko did from Spain. I can also give you my phone number here and will do so by a private message.
I am here. I admire you greatly and hope to meet you one day. You say if I am in Italy to stop in and say hello. I shall certainly try to do that.
Now, if you still feel depressed, search out someone else who is depressed like you and try to help that person
The tiger (AV) will always be there. It has started to numb your prefrontal cortex. Put this in reversal and get the numbing stopped and this part of your brain restored. Do not let the tiger kill you. Life is worth living! The sun will shine again upon you! Private message is coming your way right now.
Fond prayers for you tonight!
Bill
Yes, it's happened to me! It's a slip, a fall but it's not going back to ground Zero. The tiger (AV) was watching behind your back. As you know, I have analogized this to climbing a mountain, like the horrendous north face of Switzerland's Eiger. It's a lot safer if you have others on the rope. Folks with more experience. It doesn't have to be AA but it can be and has been for many. Humans are hard wired to be collective, not solitary.
Throw out all the booze, cooking or otherwise. Flush down any addictive pills. See your doctor. If you feel suicidal go to the ER immediately. Never Surrender!
Do send me a private message as you have done in the past. You can also call me on Skype. Aiko did from Spain. I can also give you my phone number here and will do so by a private message.
I am here. I admire you greatly and hope to meet you one day. You say if I am in Italy to stop in and say hello. I shall certainly try to do that.
Now, if you still feel depressed, search out someone else who is depressed like you and try to help that person
The tiger (AV) will always be there. It has started to numb your prefrontal cortex. Put this in reversal and get the numbing stopped and this part of your brain restored. Do not let the tiger kill you. Life is worth living! The sun will shine again upon you! Private message is coming your way right now.
Fond prayers for you tonight!
Bill
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