Just days away from 6 months and I fail
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Good morning! It is beautiful here to day which means garden work. I need to mow the grass today. It is less appealing due to the cold, but I really need to cut it one more time before full on winter arrives.
I have had a really productive weekend so far, i got a lot of things done yesterday morning, had an English lesson late morning, then lunch and a huge grocery shop to start preparing of the party I am having. With my limited time I need to start preparing some foods now and freezing them. I've sorted out which dishes will freeze well and am starting on those this weekend.
As I mentioned above, I feel really good about hosting this event but I want to go into it wisely. Not finding myself pressed for time and stressed trying to get it all done at the last minute is part of that. I have written out a timeline and if all goes according to plan I will even be able to sleep in the day of the party (sleeping in for me being 8, 8:30...) and will have time to go have my hair done. We'll see. So far everything is on schedule if not ahead of schedule.
I did have one kind of trying experience yesterday. I was in the check out line of the supermarket and felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned to find my ex-boyfriend. It is not that it has been so long since I have seen him, but I have really been trying to enforce the no contact thing so we stop falling back into the same cycles of not having clear boundaries regarding our break up. I was startled by the intensity of emotions it brought up. Mostly they were negative. I was kind of annoyed, I felt like I just can't escape from him, I felt followed, I felt like my privacy was invaded. I realise that these feelings are for the most part irrational- I was in a public place, a place he has every right to be too and a place where I have no real right to "privacy". He also, I am sure, does not follow me. But right or wrong, that is what I felt at the time. I think I felt guilty and embarrassed that I had a big shopping cart full of stuff for the party- the party he is not invited to. It was not his idea to end the relationship. I imagine he would feel sad about not being invited. He commented on the full cart "wow, that is a lot of stuff" I just got more and more frustrated and annoyed, I didn't want him looking at me, my cart, what I had chosen to buy. Again, irrational. But that's how it was for me.
Today is a new day and I am going to keep myself busy, hopefully it will continue to lessen with time.
I have had a really productive weekend so far, i got a lot of things done yesterday morning, had an English lesson late morning, then lunch and a huge grocery shop to start preparing of the party I am having. With my limited time I need to start preparing some foods now and freezing them. I've sorted out which dishes will freeze well and am starting on those this weekend.
As I mentioned above, I feel really good about hosting this event but I want to go into it wisely. Not finding myself pressed for time and stressed trying to get it all done at the last minute is part of that. I have written out a timeline and if all goes according to plan I will even be able to sleep in the day of the party (sleeping in for me being 8, 8:30...) and will have time to go have my hair done. We'll see. So far everything is on schedule if not ahead of schedule.
I did have one kind of trying experience yesterday. I was in the check out line of the supermarket and felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned to find my ex-boyfriend. It is not that it has been so long since I have seen him, but I have really been trying to enforce the no contact thing so we stop falling back into the same cycles of not having clear boundaries regarding our break up. I was startled by the intensity of emotions it brought up. Mostly they were negative. I was kind of annoyed, I felt like I just can't escape from him, I felt followed, I felt like my privacy was invaded. I realise that these feelings are for the most part irrational- I was in a public place, a place he has every right to be too and a place where I have no real right to "privacy". He also, I am sure, does not follow me. But right or wrong, that is what I felt at the time. I think I felt guilty and embarrassed that I had a big shopping cart full of stuff for the party- the party he is not invited to. It was not his idea to end the relationship. I imagine he would feel sad about not being invited. He commented on the full cart "wow, that is a lot of stuff" I just got more and more frustrated and annoyed, I didn't want him looking at me, my cart, what I had chosen to buy. Again, irrational. But that's how it was for me.
Today is a new day and I am going to keep myself busy, hopefully it will continue to lessen with time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by theVman31 
Your English is super Mera.
. I’m American, born and raised. Just ended up in Italy 11 years ago and stayed despite the bad food, bad art and bad scenery! And yes, you are right about the supermarket checkout!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 49
A) It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson, so this was NOT a waste of an experience. Something you needed to learn, how cunning baffling and powerful this demon of a disease can be.
B) You only fail when you stop trying. You can do this. You didn't lose your 6 months, you simply drank for a day (or two or whatever it was). Dust yourself off and get back on track because you can do this! You were already showing us (and yourself) that you can do this by obtaining 6 months (give or take)!
C) I am not saying that makes relapse acceptable.... because lots of us don't make it back. But it sounds like you're here, sober, posting, so you have another chance.
I believe in you.
B) You only fail when you stop trying. You can do this. You didn't lose your 6 months, you simply drank for a day (or two or whatever it was). Dust yourself off and get back on track because you can do this! You were already showing us (and yourself) that you can do this by obtaining 6 months (give or take)!
C) I am not saying that makes relapse acceptable.... because lots of us don't make it back. But it sounds like you're here, sober, posting, so you have another chance.
I believe in you.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: California
Posts: 2,722
Getting through a difficult situation once makes it a little easier to do the next time.
Each little victory grows into a lot of experience and wisdom that can be drawn from when the s#*t hits the fan. I'm proud of you and happy for you.
Each little victory grows into a lot of experience and wisdom that can be drawn from when the s#*t hits the fan. I'm proud of you and happy for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi Mera, I've been on SR several times before, and I'm now de-lurking again to make a truly serious attempt at recovery (not just sobriety). I've always loved your writing style, candor, and descriptions of life in Italy. Thank you.
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