ReadyAtLast

I had 3.5 years sober then picked up again last year, now and again then it became more regular. I've posted on here a few times over the last few months, lasted a few days then picked up again. It just seems so much much harder this time.

I'm almost embarrassed to post as feel it comes across as I'm not taking it seriously. I've not hit rock bottom in many physical or life senses but emotionally and mentally it is getting worse and last week I felt so weak, small and like a zombie just plodding through day after day till I could open the wine each afternoon after work.

I'm on day 3 now and whilst physically I feel ok, mentally I feel a wreck. I'm irritable, angry, emotional, weepy. I just cant concentrate at work and getting hardly anything done. everyone is annoying me. I know the problem is me not anyone else of course.

I'm trying to keep busy and have been so busy today which is a good thing as I've been out and about and had no opportunity to pick up. Don't know how I've managed to get so much done outside work today-who knew there were so many hours in the evening!

I don't even know why I'm writing this, just need to put my thoughts down. I know it will pass and get better with each day, some good some bad. I'm desperately worried and fearful about the weekend. I don't work on Fridays so Thursday was always relax and drink evening( like we need an excuse)

My plan is come home tomorrow evening, do some painting and/or baking. Friday I will paint some more and fruit pick if the weather is good. Exercise, read, stay on SR. 3 days and nights is an awful lot of time to fill. I'm trying to plan but feel pretty overwhelmed as know I have always failed at the weekend.

Thank you for listening

Rebecc78

Hi!! Definitely stick around here this weekend then, I too am worried about it as in early sobriety (day 11 for me), we can do this though!! X

doggonecarl

Is this enough? What are you doing to address your active alcoholism? You say it's been harder to get sober. Alcoholism is progressive. If you repeatedly fail doing the same things over and over, you aren't doing something recovery related to support your decision to quit drinking.

Dee74

Hi RAL

I don't think it's your imagination that it's harder this time - it seems to work that way. The effects of withdrawal often seem worse or more intense too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lly-again.html

Maybe Carls got a point that you might have to do more this time that you did the first time?

I really believe that you can do this - regardless of the fact it might be harder this time, you've beat this before.

D

ReadyAtLast

Thanks dgc. Good question. No it's not enough you're right. I've got out my rational recovery book too and working my way through it. It worked last time until I stopped and lost focus on my recovery. I'm meditating each day and trying to stay focused and balanced as well as busy. I'm on sr day and night. I will join the monthly class and weekend thread.

Any other ideas suggestions and what worked for others would be gratefully received too. Thanks.

Thanks Rebecca too.

least

I hope this time you succeed.

lilymaz

Dear RAL, I know what you are describing only too well my friend. It will pass. You and I started in the August class together, we are all still there for you. I'm still learning but what's really helped is a solid commitment every morning that no matter what, I will not drink today, along with other tools, some of which you mentioned. You can get through this, the early days suck though.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Dee. I feel that too that I've done it before so I can do it again.

Feel pretty disheartened this morning tbh. I genuinely don't know what else to do.

Delilah1

Hi RAL,
I am so glad you posted, you can hear how much you want it be sober in your post. You and I both joined in 2012. I have 20 months sober (in one more day), but had I stuck with it in October 2012 when I first really took sobriety seriously I would have almost five years.

You had 3.5 years, which is incredible. What was your biggest support during that time? Try that and add a few things to get you back on track. I know for me complacency is my biggest worry. In the past it has been what has led to me drinking again. Because of this I spend time on here daily reading and posting. It really helps me stay committed, and I also like that I can reach out and offer support to others.

Spend some time with us on the 24 hour thread, it is a great group, and everyone is very supportive, I am going to look for your posts there.

You can do this, and you know that sobriety is worth it!

ReadyAtLast

Thansk Delilah

Congrats on 20 months tomorrow that's fantastic. I was thinking exactly the same thing last night about the 5 years - I would have had 5 years this coming December.

The early months of sobriety back in 2012/2013 seem so far away although being on here daily was a huge help and support. I followed RR and AVRT plus urge surfing when they hit and taking care of my mental health.

After the first year or so not drinking was just the normal. I genuinely thought I would never drink again and I meant it. I went through some pretty rough times and never picked up. nor drinking was the norm.

Maybe I should move off newcomers as feel people think I'm not taking it seriously enough/not bad enough/ playing at it/not woring hard enough/ thrown away whatI had. oh I don't know, just feel pretty bad today. I will look at the 24 hours thread and weekend thread. thank you.

hpdw

Ready at last , Your story is my story , 2 years then picked up then on off on off , so advice given to you applies to me . Thats what I love about this group there are always people in a very similar situation .

I wish you well .

Dee74

I don't think any one here thinks that RAL - that little doubting voice might be that pesky AV

Sometimes when it all seemed a little overwhelming, I just said to myself, all I need to do today is not take a drink.

Might not always be an easy aim, but it made it simpler somehow.

In time, you'll lose the despair and fear and get back your self confidence.

Use as many different things, or forms of support, as you want, or as you think you can handle

D

ReadyAtLast

Thank you see. Just not having a good day and feeling mentally and physically rough. You're right I just need to not drink today. I will do it. The bad day will pass. I won't drink.

Thanks for always being there for us dee

doggonecarl

What about formal substance abuse programs? Out-patient, in-patient, AA, Smart Ring, Celebrate Recovery, addiction counseling?

You mention RR/AVRT. Very helpful. But its more than just reading about it; the techniques must be applied.

Not everyone learns how to paint reading a book. Some have to attend a class.

Done4today

You know the benefits of being sober. Now you have to get a program and work it. You should work your sobriety program as much as you work at drinking, hiding your drinking, getting booze when you need it. Recovery takes as much work as it took to live all the lies. It's not easy but its available to everyone willing to do the work. Good luck and god bless

ReadyAtLast

Thanks dgc. I am learning again how to put the rR into practice again. I did used to attend aa but it's not for me particularly as it goes against all my rR beliefs and ways. I'm not making excuses I know it works for many it's just not me.

I really dislike group f2f stuff too. In any event I live in a very remote area of Scotland miles from anywhere and nearest meeting 40 miles trip held once a week. I like smart recovery and will look at that again. Due to my remoteness much of my contact us online and reading is my main way of getting info and joining groups but you're right the stuff needs to be put into practice.

I know some will read this and think oh it's just excuses excuses but it's not true. We don't all live in major cities or towbs with full access to all facilities on doorstep. Not feeling sorry for myself BTW !

2ndhandrose

(((ReadyAtLast))) I am glad that you are back

Happy Day 4!!

Anna

Please do not feel you need to move from this forum. This forum is for any and all to post on when they are seeking support. If you feel people are judging you, and I don't think they are, you can put them on Ignore and carry on.

ReadyAtLast

Thank you Anna and to everyone who has taken the time to respond.

I feel pretty embarrassed now tbh. Just had a typical bad early sobriety day. Had a good cry and hour ago and do feel a lot better now. It's 7pm here in the UK and I'm home and have eaten . I won't drink. As Dee said I'm just taking it in the mindset I won't drink today. Thinking too far ahead was drowning me.

Thanks again to all of you here on SR.

Done4today

What other people think of you is NONE of your business.

This statement has helped me with the drama.