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Old 08-11-2017, 12:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Invited out for drinks by coworkers - I knew this was coming


I have 35 days, and my coworker invited me out for drinks with the group at work. I declined and they said, ok well definitely next time I have to come.

How do you guys get around this?

a) I don't want them to think I'm not a team player
b) Can I keep saying no? It will look really bad
c) Could I go and just not drink? That would be super awkward, since it is specifically an event to order and consume alcohol

Working in the finance industry, I find that most outside activities are centered around alcohol and maybe I have to change careers. I know alcohol is EVERYWHERE, but maybe I should switch into a wellness field where meetings and events are more health-conscious.

Any advice is appreciated!
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Old 08-11-2017, 12:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Next time they ask, I'd tell them that you don't drink, so it might not be fun for you. Don't feel badly about turning them down. Remember, "no" is a complete sentence.
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Old 08-11-2017, 12:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I would personally just tell them you are allergic to alcohol , which we are
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I see my co-workers at work. That's why they are called co-workers. When the whistle blows I go home.

It's nice that they ask you, but you don't have an obligation to go, except in you own mind.
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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To answer your last question: "c) Could I go and just not drink?", I would say yes, you could go and not drink.

Whether you "should" or not, for "your" sake, this early in sobriety depends on how much it would be difficult for you. If at all, I"d keep declining, or suggest going out for lunch or coffee earlier in the day instead.

I don't have any trouble going out with friends who order drinks. I'll just order soda and lime.

If you were a pregnant woman, you wouldn't drink, but they wouldn't exclude you for that. If you were abstaining because of a medication or upcoming surgery, you could still join them.

I guess it depends on how focused on drinking the event is. If it's to a bar and they are going to get hammered, that's one thing: I would never go. But if it's just going to a nice cafe or restaurant where you could just as easily order a seltzer, or a dessert or appetizer, or even a cup of coffee, I think it's ok.

Others here may disagree with me! And maybe at only 35 days it's best to not. You certainly shouldn't ever let other people dictate whether you drink. That's within your control: The answer is always no. Eventually they'll learn you're a nondrinker. Just the way some people don't smoke, others don't eat fish, some like tea and never coffee, etc.

At my book club, my friends have started having fancy bottled flavored waters and seltzers and pretty glasses just for me.

Just my two cents!
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I work for a "health and wellness" company and my team has a monthly "Thirsty Thursday" where alcohol is the main event, so I definitely don't think you are going to escape it by switching jobs. I've worked here almost 1 year and have only gone to 2 Thirsty Thursday events. There hasn't ever been any pressure from my colleagues to attend, though. And, if you do decide to attend, you don't have to drink alcohol. If they ask you why you can say any number of things. For example: "I don't drink." seems to be well understood. Good luck, it's not always easy.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
I see my co-workers at work. That's why they are called co-workers. When the whistle blows I go home.

It's nice that they ask you, but you don't have an obligation to go, except in you own mind.
Soooo true!
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Please don't allow others to make you feel bad for not drinking. It's on them because they have no business assuming you will drink.

I think this situation depends on how much you are expected by your co-workers/boss to attend these after-work functions. If you feel you are obligated to attend, maybe thinking of changing careers is something to think about.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I've been saying, 'Thanks but I'm good' for years. Works pretty well. Last time I checked I was the one in driving my car. It's really not that out of place to have other things to do. A simple decision really.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
I see my co-workers at work. That's why they are called co-workers. When the whistle blows I go home.

It's nice that they ask you, but you don't have an obligation to go, except in you own mind.
I think it's also the industry I'm in. Finance is very work-hard/play-hard. (I hate that term, ugh) Lots of super high functioning alcoholics.

I've also worked in management consulting and many of them were cocaine addicts.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by PippoRossi View Post
I work for a "health and wellness" company and my team has a monthly "Thirsty Thursday" where alcohol is the main event, so I definitely don't think you are going to escape it by switching jobs. I've worked here almost 1 year and have only gone to 2 Thirsty Thursday events. There hasn't ever been any pressure from my colleagues to attend, though. And, if you do decide to attend, you don't have to drink alcohol. If they ask you why you can say any number of things. For example: "I don't drink." seems to be well understood. Good luck, it's not always easy.
Yeah, it reminds me of that really funny quote from the Big Book that says you could move to the north pole and an eskimo could still offer you whiskey or something (i forget the quote verbatim, but hearing it on my audiobook of the BB made me laugh. it's just so true)
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I think it's also the industry I'm in. Finance is very work-hard/play-hard. (I hate that term, ugh) Lots of super high functioning alcoholics.

I've also worked in management consulting and many of them were cocaine addicts.
Yeah, that doesn't sound like a very nurturing, healthy environment.

You've got to watch out for your own health and well being above all. Certainly don't let what those people think is "normal" have any influence over you. Just say "no thanks. Can't do it this time."

Hang in there. Don't worry what others think.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I have to say that I do think you could go and "just not drink". As crazy as it sounds, there are lots of people out there that don't drink and never have. If they take offense, its their problem.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:07 PM   #14 (permalink)
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people decline after work activities for a lot of reasons. you do not HAVE to defend yourself, or EXPLAIN why. a simple No, but thanks for asking will do.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
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being a team player for me starts at the doors of work when i walk in and stops when i walk out. team players are responsible- the dont go out after work and show up to work hungover.
heres another quote from the big book:
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?"

"I think it's also the industry I'm in. Finance is very work-hard/play-hard."
so is the construction industry, manufacturing industry.........
so,yeah, thats an excuse. the excuse is used in every occupation HOWEVER, NOT by people that dont have a drinking or drug problem.
there are a LOT of people in finance that go home after work every day without going to bars with coworkers.


i learned a long time ago to keep work relationships at work.

how to decline invetations is simple:
"no, thank you though for the offer,though."
and if asked why:
"because i said so."
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
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"And if asked why, because I said so"

Tomsteve you crack me up at times
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Old 08-11-2017, 04:07 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My career has been spent in high end resort restaurants. Think pirate lifestyle employees. Think vaca party time guests. Think alcohol everywhere, kitchen, dining room, dry storage, foyer, etc.; and oh yeah drugs too.

40+ years in the biz and I can honestly say that abstinence has never hindered my career progression. I can't make the same claim about alcohol consumption.

People (AKA coworkers) are going think whatever they think. They are not always going to think what I think they are thinking. Either way, it is what I think, that determines whether I stay in recovery or not. The thinking of anyone else has to take a backseat to what I think.

At any rate that is my story and I' sticking to it. :~)
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Old 08-11-2017, 05:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You could go and not drink but why put yourself through somethign that won't be much fun for you. Next time, just tell them you don't drink.

As long as you get your work done, you're a team player
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Old 08-12-2017, 09:33 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Don't go if you're not comfortable. Screw team playing, your Sobriety is a little more important.

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Old 08-12-2017, 09:46 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I think it's also the industry I'm in. Finance is very work-hard/play-hard. (I hate that term, ugh) Lots of super high functioning alcoholics.

I've also worked in management consulting and many of them were cocaine addicts.
There is no way the industry you are involved in has more alcoholism and drinking than the one I am in.

At this point in my sobriety (185 days) there's no way I'd go to a bar with anyone outside of showing up for work. (I own a bar)
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