AA Meetings-Feeling Intimidated
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I tried (and failed) to get to Lots of meetings before I managed to get in the door of my first one. I'm In the UK there are phone and email hotlines and the difference for me came after contacting AA directly through email and exchanging a few messages with an internet responder. There are also local phone numbers in many areas, and they mean that people can arrange to have someone (same gender) meet them somewhere neutral outside the meeting so they don't have to walk in alone. It can make just that little bit of difference when you are full of anxiety.
Lots of meetings (the ones I go to) tend to have greeters on the door as well, and if they see someone looking hesitant they can discreetly ask if that person in looking for the meeting, and if they are they will bring them in and help them get settled and calm before the meeting starts.
Most folk tend to arrive at their first meeting very full of anxiety. Some barely able to speak. Often on the verge or tears or crying. I blubbed through most of my first and second meetings, and could barely hold my coffee without spilling it because my hand was shaking so much. Mostly oyt of relief because what people were saying resonated so much with me - finally, after decades thinking no one could possibly underderstand how I feel and experience the world and life and relationships, suddenly a whole room of them comes along! And even better, they seem to have found a solution! Since then I have seen countless others in the same states. But now the group is my safe space where I can just sit and listen if I want to , or share how I really think or feel without fear of judgement. I grew up feeling that I never quite fitted in. Was never quite 'enough' somehow. When I am with my AA clan there is no not-enoughness, and I feel close to even those I'm not so keen on, because we understand each other.
I hope you do manage to get to your first meeting soon. That procrastination is itself, in my experience, anxiety inducing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Lots of meetings (the ones I go to) tend to have greeters on the door as well, and if they see someone looking hesitant they can discreetly ask if that person in looking for the meeting, and if they are they will bring them in and help them get settled and calm before the meeting starts.
Most folk tend to arrive at their first meeting very full of anxiety. Some barely able to speak. Often on the verge or tears or crying. I blubbed through most of my first and second meetings, and could barely hold my coffee without spilling it because my hand was shaking so much. Mostly oyt of relief because what people were saying resonated so much with me - finally, after decades thinking no one could possibly underderstand how I feel and experience the world and life and relationships, suddenly a whole room of them comes along! And even better, they seem to have found a solution! Since then I have seen countless others in the same states. But now the group is my safe space where I can just sit and listen if I want to , or share how I really think or feel without fear of judgement. I grew up feeling that I never quite fitted in. Was never quite 'enough' somehow. When I am with my AA clan there is no not-enoughness, and I feel close to even those I'm not so keen on, because we understand each other.
I hope you do manage to get to your first meeting soon. That procrastination is itself, in my experience, anxiety inducing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by TooMuchAlcohol 
My biggest concern with AA meetings is that some participants do not respect the need for confidentiality. A person who knew me revealed to others that I was attending AA meetings, and that caused many problems for me. After that, I had no use for AA.
THAT is one of the benefits of working the program.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
That is you. Many chose to not reveal to employers or others about their problem. There is absolutely no excuse for someone telling things that happen at a meeting. I would be put off as well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 51
I asked a sober friend to go with me to my first AA meeting. She had been to that particular meeting in the past, although she has moved to the city and it's not her home group. She was MORE than willing to go with me and she explained to me what to expect before we went in. It was a women's discussion meeting. The woman who was running the meeting told us the topic was "family" which I felt was very serendipitous for my first meeting, as I was raised in an alcoholic household. My friend told me I could "pass" if I didn't want to speak, but I felt it was important to speak. I was 5 days sober at the time and everyone cheered for me when I said that like it was such a huge accomplishment. I felt like it was so minuscule compared to these people that had been sober for years, but I know now that it's making it through the early stages of sobriety that gets you to that point. 5 days is HARD because you are still so close to being in it.
Anyway, my ultimate point is - ask someone to go with you, if you can. If not, look on the AA website and find a local meeting that most closely aligns with your comfort zone. A closed women's meeting was a perfect jumping off point for me. I was nervous for 30 seconds, and then people started telling their stories and I knew I was in the right place.
I wish you all the best!
Anyway, my ultimate point is - ask someone to go with you, if you can. If not, look on the AA website and find a local meeting that most closely aligns with your comfort zone. A closed women's meeting was a perfect jumping off point for me. I was nervous for 30 seconds, and then people started telling their stories and I knew I was in the right place.
I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 132
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
My first AA meeting was only a few weeks ago.
I was TERRIFIED!
What if someone knew me??!!
What do I say?
Will they make me talk?
What are the rules?
It took a lot for me to walk through those doors and into the room, but I did it and will be forever grateful that I did.
The welcome was so warm. The people so nice.
I didn't realize how much I needed it until I went.
If you really want to go, then just do it!
You will only have 1 first meeting, after that it's a breeze
Good Luck. I hope you decide to make it to one
My first AA meeting was only a few weeks ago.
I was TERRIFIED!
What if someone knew me??!!
What do I say?
Will they make me talk?
What are the rules?
It took a lot for me to walk through those doors and into the room, but I did it and will be forever grateful that I did.
The welcome was so warm. The people so nice.
I didn't realize how much I needed it until I went.
If you really want to go, then just do it!
You will only have 1 first meeting, after that it's a breeze
Good Luck. I hope you decide to make it to one
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Most (all??) of us at meetings have that same anxiety; if we don't have it today, we certainly did have it at our first meeting!!
As for confidentiality, most of us adhere to it, although there are some who ramble when they talk and it might slip out. Most of us don't realize others knew we were drinking anyway and we are the ones to find that out last......
Find a program of recovery and work it well! Our common goal is to remain sober and live a fabulous sober life!
Rational Recovery, SMART, AVRT, Women for Sobriety, Men for Sobriety, SOS, Life Ring and AA are some programs that work well!
As for confidentiality, most of us adhere to it, although there are some who ramble when they talk and it might slip out. Most of us don't realize others knew we were drinking anyway and we are the ones to find that out last......
Find a program of recovery and work it well! Our common goal is to remain sober and live a fabulous sober life!
Rational Recovery, SMART, AVRT, Women for Sobriety, Men for Sobriety, SOS, Life Ring and AA are some programs that work well!
AA member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 872
Have you called your local AA helpline number? Here we arrange for someone to meet a newcomer and go with them to the first meeting.
I was met outside at my first meeting,by a lady who spoke to me on the phone first.
I hope you get to a meeting.
Wishing you well.
I was met outside at my first meeting,by a lady who spoke to me on the phone first.
I hope you get to a meeting.
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
[QUOTE=MNVikes4life;6558126]Thanks Bix. I tend to make things a bigger deal than it really is, I just need to go and I know it will be fine...damn anxiety. I guess I'm trying to understand what it is like, but I guess I won't know without going 
I imagine it as what I have seen on TV....people sitting in a circle in chairs telling stories about their alcoholism...not sure how close that is to reality[
I know what you mean by extreme anxiety and making things a bigger deal than what they are. I would suggest going to open meetings like others have suggested or going to speaker meetings. AA meeting are not about sitting in a circle and sharing their stories, but ways to deal with it. I went to meetings for a long time, and I've only been to one meeting that actually sat in a circle. Just walk into a meeting and find a comfortable place to sit. It's really that easy. Look at it this way; everybody there had their first meeting. John
I imagine it as what I have seen on TV....people sitting in a circle in chairs telling stories about their alcoholism...not sure how close that is to reality[I know what you mean by extreme anxiety and making things a bigger deal than what they are. I would suggest going to open meetings like others have suggested or going to speaker meetings. AA meeting are not about sitting in a circle and sharing their stories, but ways to deal with it. I went to meetings for a long time, and I've only been to one meeting that actually sat in a circle. Just walk into a meeting and find a comfortable place to sit. It's really that easy. Look at it this way; everybody there had their first meeting. John
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by Michelle009
I asked a sober friend to go with me to my first AA meeting. She had been to that particular meeting in the past, although she has moved to the city and it's not her home group. She was MORE than willing to go with me and she explained to me what to expect before we went in. It was a women's discussion meeting. The woman who was running the meeting told us the topic was "family" which I felt was very serendipitous for my first meeting, as I was raised in an alcoholic household. My friend told me I could "pass" if I didn't want to speak, but I felt it was important to speak. I was 5 days sober at the time and everyone cheered for me when I said that like it was such a huge accomplishment. I felt like it was so minuscule compared to these people that had been sober for years, but I know now that it's making it through the early stages of sobriety that gets you to that point. 5 days is HARD because you are still so close to being in it.
Anyway, my ultimate point is - ask someone to go with you, if you can. If not, look on the AA website and find a local meeting that most closely aligns with your comfort zone. A closed women's meeting was a perfect jumping off point for me. I was nervous for 30 seconds, and then people started telling their stories and I knew I was in the right place.
I wish you all the best!
Anyway, my ultimate point is - ask someone to go with you, if you can. If not, look on the AA website and find a local meeting that most closely aligns with your comfort zone. A closed women's meeting was a perfect jumping off point for me. I was nervous for 30 seconds, and then people started telling their stories and I knew I was in the right place.
I wish you all the best!
Pretty much what I decided to do. I'm going to my first meeting on Saturday with my brother-in-law who has been sober for a couple years now. I think this will help me feel more comfortable to go on my own moving forward
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by Berrybean
I tried (and failed) to get to Lots of meetings before I managed to get in the door of my first one. I'm In the UK there are phone and email hotlines and the difference for me came after contacting AA directly through email and exchanging a few messages with an internet responder. There are also local phone numbers in many areas, and they mean that people can arrange to have someone (same gender) meet them somewhere neutral outside the meeting so they don't have to walk in alone. It can make just that little bit of difference when you are full of anxiety.
Lots of meetings (the ones I go to) tend to have greeters on the door as well, and if they see someone looking hesitant they can discreetly ask if that person in looking for the meeting, and if they are they will bring them in and help them get settled and calm before the meeting starts.
Most folk tend to arrive at their first meeting very full of anxiety. Some barely able to speak. Often on the verge or tears or crying. I blubbed through most of my first and second meetings, and could barely hold my coffee without spilling it because my hand was shaking so much. Mostly oyt of relief because what people were saying resonated so much with me - finally, after decades thinking no one could possibly underderstand how I feel and experience the world and life and relationships, suddenly a whole room of them comes along! And even better, they seem to have found a solution! Since then I have seen countless others in the same states. But now the group is my safe space where I can just sit and listen if I want to , or share how I really think or feel without fear of judgement. I grew up feeling that I never quite fitted in. Was never quite 'enough' somehow. When I am with my AA clan there is no not-enoughness, and I feel close to even those I'm not so keen on, because we understand each other.
I hope you do manage to get to your first meeting soon. That procrastination is itself, in my experience, anxiety inducing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Lots of meetings (the ones I go to) tend to have greeters on the door as well, and if they see someone looking hesitant they can discreetly ask if that person in looking for the meeting, and if they are they will bring them in and help them get settled and calm before the meeting starts.
Most folk tend to arrive at their first meeting very full of anxiety. Some barely able to speak. Often on the verge or tears or crying. I blubbed through most of my first and second meetings, and could barely hold my coffee without spilling it because my hand was shaking so much. Mostly oyt of relief because what people were saying resonated so much with me - finally, after decades thinking no one could possibly underderstand how I feel and experience the world and life and relationships, suddenly a whole room of them comes along! And even better, they seem to have found a solution! Since then I have seen countless others in the same states. But now the group is my safe space where I can just sit and listen if I want to , or share how I really think or feel without fear of judgement. I grew up feeling that I never quite fitted in. Was never quite 'enough' somehow. When I am with my AA clan there is no not-enoughness, and I feel close to even those I'm not so keen on, because we understand each other.
I hope you do manage to get to your first meeting soon. That procrastination is itself, in my experience, anxiety inducing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by MNVikes4life
Berry- Thanks for the thoughtful post. Everyone here seems to agree. I just need to get myself to the first one then it will be a breeze after (and maybe something I never look forward too). Saturday night I'm going to a speaker meeting with my bro-in-law back in MN so hopefully when I get back to Chicago I will be ready to do this on my own
Between meetings there are resources you can access.
The Big Book is available to read (free) online..... https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous
There are also lots of speaker recordings available free online. The site I use is completely free and you don't need to register or anything. There are lots of recordings specifically for Newcomers / Step 1. ... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/step-1-speaker-tapes
Take care. BB
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