tealily

Several of us have said this in posts lately. I've said it too, and it's gotten me thinking.

This time of quitting does feel different for me. For years, I tried to moderate, cut back, stop, quit, "do better". Sometimes it worked a while, but I'd inevitably start again.

Often, I even told myself, Well, I can "try", I know I "should", but I can actually always start again, even without telling anyone. It kept the option open. Even times when I SWORE I really had to do it, THIS would be the time, I think there was a fraction of doubt, resistance or begrudging -- "oh-poor-me" not being able to drink -- in the corner of my mind, an asterisk of potential permission to continue, to not really commit. When we invariably fail, we say, "why can't I do this?" "Why can't I stop?" As if it's out of our control.

I know I"m still early in the process, but it does feel different, like a switch has been flipped, and I'm trying to figure out why.

It's so much easier, of course, when the decision has been made, the knowledge is clear, and it's not a battle, or gritting teeth. It's acceptance.

It makes me realize that we had the power to do that all along. (Just like Dorothy. Can't stop thinking of that example. )To articulate it to ourselves and CHOOSE, rather than just keep strugglinng, floundering and fighting and wishing, or hoping for salvation from outside. All it takes is finally deciding, and doing it.

I'm trying to articulate it but am having a hard time.

Have you all found this to be so? That, finally, it clicks? What do you think is the difference?

teaorcoffee

Nervous to say this is different, because it's too early.
It does feel it, because it's intentional and I'm back here, which is the only thing that has made a difference before.

So let's hope

noturningback2

i think its true, I think after so many failed attempts to moderate and control it, you go through the self pity, the anger why you cant drink normally etc. The turning point I believe, and whats makes it different, is just as you say, it is that you finally reach acceptance. With acceptance and surrender , there is no fight, alcohol is off the cards, so it no longer has control of you. You're free, and that's how it finally feels.

is my 2 cents on it

tealily

Maybe I'm overanalyzing it, noturningback! You're right.. it's finally reaching acceptance, just like during the stages of grief.

And so true, teaorcoffee.. here's hoping.

Islingtonite

Hi tealilly -

If there was a switch - why did it flip now? Do you know? From reading your other posts it doesn't sound as though you hit the famous rock bottom (though I may be wrong).

I ask because I haven't felt any switches. There's still a big part of me that wants to drink tomorrow. I haven't drunk since I started posting on here, and I started posting on here because I thought it would be helpful and motivational and it mostly has been, but it's only three days. Getting past Friday night is a big deal for me but I'm worried about tomorrow and I'd love to have felt a switch. I just feel tired!

Sorry, now I'm talking about myself, but I was genuinely interested - why now?

Ix

CJHolden

I know what you mean. It does feel different this time. Have yet to really pin down the words to explain it though.

Dee74

The way I look at it - it was my time to quit

I finally let go and committed myself 100% to no drinking anymore ever - and I backed that up with constant and consistent action

D

AwkwardKitty

I was sober from Dec 2014 to April 2016. Back then, I stopped because of my panic attacks, which hangovers made loads worse. The thing was, then I was just not drinking whereas this time Ii am actively seeking sobriety. Last time I was trying to get some space to 'reset' my mindset, I thought if I had some space I could learn to control my behaviours when I started drinking again. This time I stopped before I hit rock bottom but I recognised the same old patterns creeping in and knew it was time to get sober. It's more than just not drinking, its completely changing my mindset, it's actively seeking sobriety.

2ndhandrose

I agree completely with this statement

that was the flipping of the switch for me.

incognition

The "switch" that's required to quit drinking permanently is a hard one for me to describe. I did temporarily quit for a little while several times before, but I did at least know in my heart that it wasn't for good, and that I would eventually go back to drinking.

That "something" that's different this time...I think it was a combination of things. My body was handling the alcohol worse and worse each time, and more now than ever before my mind had started to REALLY go downhill (as in, getting noticeably worse every WEEK. That fast.). I had also started chatting again with an old internet friend from before I really started hitting the bottle, and it forced me to take a hard look at the amount that had changed for me between then and now (almost all of it negative).

I know that they say you never really want to quit until you hit "rock bottom". I, admittedly, never had any serious problems in my life that could be considered this bad (unless you count the mental deterioration). I really feel no desire to drink any more...but I'm still kind of scared of the part of me that was so easily seduced by the alcohol in the first place. It makes me scared that I still haven't lost enough and that something (no idea what) in the future will drive me back into the arms of Lady Alcohol once again.

tealily

Hi Isling,

I wish I could explain it better. I think it's finally realizing, accepting and even embracing the idea that the drinking life is not an option anymore. That acceptance in and of itself is what flips the switch.

You're right, I didn't have a rock-bottom flame out disaster or crisis .. (In a way, that can make it even harder to quit: You can justify that you're "not that bad". ) But I had 7 or 8 years of progressive decline, increasingly heavy drinking, ultimately a bottle of wine or more every night, with only a rare day off. All done secretly, late at night.

There's no way that was sustainable for me. Everything was suffering. If not overtly, in what I was omitting, the life I wasn't living, and the mom, wife and woman I couldn't fully be.

One moment that did tip the scales for me was when one of my kids spoke to me openly, honestly about my drinking. I thought I was hiding it and "only" hurting myself. It was humbling and an epiphany, really, that I was disappointing and confusing my kids.

In a way it was my last straw, but in and of itself I don't think it would've been enough without everything that went before.

I may have had to go through all those attempts to quit before to realize that nothing will work but just stopping completely. At this point, it is a relief to finally not fight it and realize that, even though I drank "normally" for many years, when younger, it had changed, and I can't now.

Others understand so much more about this than I do. I'm learning a lot here. I have been reading posts since about 2014, but now, finally, I'm "acting" on it, and not just thinking about it.

If you can just get through this weekend, see how much better you feel when Sunday morning comes, and then Monday. Focus on the good you feel and what you can do, not what you are missing. If you can get through this early time, I think you'll get a glimpse of the new life you can lead.

It gets easier faster than you think!

Hang in there! We wil be here for you through this weekend and beyond.

PhoenixJ

It feels right

Debbyjay

Although this is only day one for me I have a resolve today that I didn't yesterday. I am looking at this as a medical necessity-which it is, and have planned out how I will move through the next few days as I detox. I am being objective not emotional about this. I'll see how this goes but I feel more positive then I have to date!

ClearPath64

I love this thread tealilly, as I feel the exact same way this time. Maybe it's age, or the number of failures, but I think it's more about acceptance. I am truly at peace with the fact that I can't drink any more. Under any circumstances. I think that I'm at peace because I realize that alcohol has nothing more to offer me. I've lived with it for 30+ years, and the relationship is beyond stale. I feel genuine excitement, something that I haven't felt for a long time, about the prospects of my life with this anchor removed completely.

I am an alcoholic. Because I'm an alcoholic, I can't drink, period. And that's just the way it is.

FeelingL0st

Fabulous thread.
My switch went off the night before I count as Day 1.
I decided right in the middle of a drunken, drugging binge that I was done.
I wanted a sober life more than I wanted anything I have ever wanted and I was ready to do whatever it took to make that happen.
Once I made that concrete decision, realized that I had NO control over this addiction and surrendered myself to that knowledge, my switch went off.
I have not had the obsession to drink or drug since that night.
The urges come, sometimes fast and furious, but I pray myself through them, I play the tape to the end, but I no longer obsess about alcohol or drugs, so I know exactly what you mean.
I, too, am quite early in my recovery, but this time is completely different than any other time I've attempted to stop.
I'm all in this time