frustrated by lack of empathy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Support is not a finite commodity here Captainkitty -there's more than enough to go around for everyone 
The things you post about are as important to you as everyone elses problems are to them
They all deserve replies, so it's important to is to be able to respond to you as well
I'm sorry you were upset.
I've read things here that hurt me too, back in the day, but I see them differently now than I did then.
This is a big place and there are a lot of different personality types here. Not good or bad, just different.
I've known some of these people ten years and I'm sure no one means you harm
I'm sure people will put a lot of thought into what they say posting to you from now on.
You have a right to use the ignore function tho, if thats what you want to do.
you can post here as much or as little as you like, and you can take or leave as much of the advice as you like too.
You don't even have to keep posting here if you don't want to - and you can come back anytime if you do leave.
This is about your journey
Noones trying to control you - SR is one of the best places on the web for support, in my opinion.
D
The things you post about are as important to you as everyone elses problems are to them
They all deserve replies, so it's important to is to be able to respond to you as well
I'm sorry you were upset.
I've read things here that hurt me too, back in the day, but I see them differently now than I did then.
This is a big place and there are a lot of different personality types here. Not good or bad, just different.
I've known some of these people ten years and I'm sure no one means you harm
I'm sure people will put a lot of thought into what they say posting to you from now on.
You have a right to use the ignore function tho, if thats what you want to do.
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
You don't even have to keep posting here if you don't want to - and you can come back anytime if you do leave.
This is about your journey
Noones trying to control you - SR is one of the best places on the web for support, in my opinion.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 06-22-2017 at 05:08 PM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
As a sensitive person I think there is some harsh advice sometimes, but it is tough love in a very pure form. We are all anonymous here and have no axe to grind, no agenda--just a real wish for happiness, sobriety and freedom for us and our fellow sufferers. I have been posting more lately; if I can help one person with advice or encouragement I've made a difference. Tomorrow I will have 18 months of sobriety. I wish you success in your journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Captainkitty, our mandate in this forum is as follows: The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. I think you will find lots of support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
all any of you could say is talk to a doctor.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I hope you'll stick around CaptainKitty! There's lots of wonderful people here. I've lived alone my entire adult life and SR has been a real lifesaver for me. Not everyone is going to be sympathetic to our problems, but most here have gone thru the painful process of recovery and have a lot of wisdom to share. Keep an open heart and mind and you'll be surprised by the amount of support that can come in!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 13
Kitty, I understand your feelings. My first posts here the other day were about how I allowed other people to affect how I feel about myself. Realizing it was my thoughts about myself that held me back. Expressing those thoughts out loud helps me grow and move forward and it also reminds me that I do have people who truly care about me and see me for who I am today. Not who I was.
In the beginning I was very unapproachable. Doing my community service hours (part of dui punishment) at a thrift store mission many people approached me and I basically chased them away. My facial expressions, quick short responses and myself not trusting that someone actually wanted to know me. In time I realized I had to change my behavior and make efforts towards other people and follow up. It was very awkward at first but I kept up my efforts and slowly got better at it. My best friend now was a volunteer at the mission and she told me when I first got there I scared people.
I honestly believe that if you make efforts, seek people out and keep doing it until it is comfortable you will find a friend or two. A friend or two make all the difference in the world. I am not judging you or blaming you, I'm just sharing my experience and what helped me.
In the beginning I was very unapproachable. Doing my community service hours (part of dui punishment) at a thrift store mission many people approached me and I basically chased them away. My facial expressions, quick short responses and myself not trusting that someone actually wanted to know me. In time I realized I had to change my behavior and make efforts towards other people and follow up. It was very awkward at first but I kept up my efforts and slowly got better at it. My best friend now was a volunteer at the mission and she told me when I first got there I scared people.
I honestly believe that if you make efforts, seek people out and keep doing it until it is comfortable you will find a friend or two. A friend or two make all the difference in the world. I am not judging you or blaming you, I'm just sharing my experience and what helped me.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 46
I do appreciate every ones replies. Thank you. But I feel like I'm going in sane or maybe being misunderstood. I'm not unapproachable. I'm incredibly friendly and can engage almost any one in conversation. Over the years I have reached out to people who I mistakenly assumed cared about me more than they did and I just got ignored or blown off. It is the biggest reason I continued to abuse my self with alcohol.
I think most of the topics I would like some one to talk to about are all very sensitive to me and perhaps one on one therapy is a better option that exposing my self to a group of strangers.
Thank you
I think most of the topics I would like some one to talk to about are all very sensitive to me and perhaps one on one therapy is a better option that exposing my self to a group of strangers.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Therapy is always a good option. Didn't do much for me as at that point I wasn't ready to get honest about my part in things, not even with myself, let alone anyone else.
Just so you know as well, in 12-step meetings we tend to keep stuff fairly general. The more personal and intimate stuff we save for one to one work with sponsors. Sometimes we feel, further down the line, that we can talk more openly about those things. That's usually when we've worked through them and made any amends necessary or dropped the worst of the resentment and they no longer have any power over us.
Take care. BB
Just so you know as well, in 12-step meetings we tend to keep stuff fairly general. The more personal and intimate stuff we save for one to one work with sponsors. Sometimes we feel, further down the line, that we can talk more openly about those things. That's usually when we've worked through them and made any amends necessary or dropped the worst of the resentment and they no longer have any power over us.
Take care. BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 14
im sorry for your losses CK, thats a lot in a short time.
i will add that i see that i have come to the right place in sober recovery, judging by the responses you have had. i hope you stay long enough to see that yourself.
i will add that i see that i have come to the right place in sober recovery, judging by the responses you have had. i hope you stay long enough to see that yourself.
Last edited by Wildwood; 06-23-2017 at 11:23 AM. Reason: added a word
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
captainkitty,
i've just read this thread.
what jumped out at me is when you said you made a mistake, you came here when you were weak...you know, in a very real way, we all did.
nobody comes to a support forum because they are entirely confident they have it all together and are super-strong.
'weak' ....like vulnerable? can be hurt?
welcome to ordinary human stuff.....stick around, it gets better.
really.
i've just read this thread.
what jumped out at me is when you said you made a mistake, you came here when you were weak...you know, in a very real way, we all did.
nobody comes to a support forum because they are entirely confident they have it all together and are super-strong.
'weak' ....like vulnerable? can be hurt?
welcome to ordinary human stuff.....stick around, it gets better.
really.
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