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frustrated by lack of empathy

Old 06-22-2017, 08:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Maudcat View Post
but it seems to me at times that manners have gone extinct
You think? 😁😁😁 Traditional manners, correct etiquette, and proper behaviour are the marks of a dangerous fuddy-duddy and stick-in-the-mud. 😉
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:14 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
Thanks for the kind responses and wish every one the best on their journey...I'm looking at my problem from a different angle...my brain, my nervous system, my hormones are totally out of whack fom drinking....I have No one who cares about me...that is a reality...all I can do is repair my body and brain to function as well as it can
Hi Captiankitty,

It can get better! When I moved to this country my then husband worked 16 hours a day when he wasn't traveling. I was living in a part of the country where, even though we are good, kind and caring people, our values weren't up to snuff with the locals. For five years I lived in virtual isolation with only a small child. At least I had the gift of parents overseas. I'm sorry that you don't have that support.

Loneliness and isolation are often blamed on those who are the lonely ones - must be their fault etc, a notion which I utterly reject. It can turn into a spiral. I'm glad you decided to stay here. You will find much support here (says the person on day six&#128527. You are not alone, we are here for you captain kitty!
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:21 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
I'm on my boat and have my good glasses on...the person who upset me is doggonecarl. Not dragon something lol..
This place is just not for me folks...
Fair winds and following seas
welp, iffen youre like me, it upset ya because there could be some truth to hit,eh?
wasnt easy for me to swallow cold hard facts about myself. and the cold hard facts had to come from someone else.
nope, i didnt like everything i heard. yup, i got pretty po'ed at a lot of it.
then i got some humility and looked at what was said froma different view.
i learned most of everything i thought about myself was a lie.
turned out they were right- i was a selfish,self centered egomainac with an inferiority complex.
they helped me with solutions,too.
im very greatful for those people that told me like it was,didnt beat around the bush, or sugar coat it.
they didnt save my life.i didnt have one. i was just exisiting.
they helped me have a life.
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:31 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I once felt exactly the same way you do right now. I felt it for a long time, it would leave and keep coming back. Just like I did.

I hope you stick around, this is a good place to be.
We have to make a conscious effort to find the good and better our own situations.
You deserve happiness, peace, contentment. No one can give that to you but yourself.
Stay well and know SR is always here for you.
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:03 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
the person who upset me is doggonecarl.
What happens if you change this statement to:
Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
I became upset by something doggonecarl wrote
Enjoy your boat. Come back any time. SR is always open!
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:40 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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This site is full of controlling bullies who feel like they have a life by manipulating people who are hurting..it took me all of 24 hours to get that...
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:52 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I'd post a,picture but I cant...
I made a mistake getting on here...I had an eating disorder 20 years ago...I got over it by my self...I still eat every day...
I don't need this site...I was weak...I made a mistake...
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:06 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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im sure we'll all sorry you feel that way.
HOWEVER
please take a second to think about some things you typed in your ver first post in this thread:
I realize I am codependent....
Maybe it's just me....

theres no controlling bullies here, captian.
just a lot of people who offer solutions

idk about you, but no one manipulates me unless i allow it to happen.
which would be my problem.
i hope you can come to a point in your life where you have inner peace. its truly a great feeling.


Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
This site is full of controlling bullies who feel like they have a life by manipulating people who are hurting..it took me all of 24 hours to get that...
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:31 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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any chance you are DRINKING right now? for someone who touts themselves as caring and empathetic you are sure hostile and defensive. and feeling VERY sorry for yourself.
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:42 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I think people on this thread have been very empathetic. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy.
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Old 06-22-2017, 12:25 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by captainkitty View Post
This site is full of controlling bullies who feel like they have a life by manipulating people who are hurting..it took me all of 24 hours to get that...
No, it isn't. This site is full of caring, understanding people, some of whom saved my life.

We also get a lot of people who are emotionally worn out by persistent alcohol use. (I was once one of them!) Sometimes they vent, rant, and rave at the rest of us. (I even had a go at Dee74 once!) They always get a Get out of Jail Free card to come back anytime they want.

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Old 06-22-2017, 12:42 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I remember feeling like everyone was out to get me and that every comment made had malicious undertones. It was a painful place to be, and I wished that I have started working on my recovery much earlier so that I hadn't stayed there so long.

I can imagine how you are feeling, but it's more a reflection of where you are and your perspective and that rawness of sobriety without recovery (esp if you have those codependent tendencies to rattle you as well) than the folk on here. Honestly, the people on here really are some of the most supportive I have found.

Just in case you are interested in why people talk to others in recovery rather than their friends and family who live them... well, the thing is, its pretty hard to understand alcoholic thinking even when you ARE an alcoholic. Our beloved Normies really don't understand it. And why should they? We support each other. One day I might be doing the supporting. Another day something will come up and I get to be on the receiving end. There is nothing sinister about support networks in recovery.

People on here are not bullies. On the rare occasion that there are issues and things get heated (maybe as the result of someone posting after drinking) the moderators are onto it lickity split.

You seem to be at a good rolling simmer with all your resentments against people who do not live up to your expectations, so no wonder it's not taking a huge amount to cause you to emotionally boil over. The thing is, we cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves and how we deal with things. I've had to learn this the hard way, especially with regards to some family members. When I became willing to adjust my expectations then I was in less pain from their actions. So, they did the same thing as before but I wasn't half as affected by it. It really does work, but finding that willingness while the resentment is hot in our blood is difficult.

I hope you will reread the comments people made in response to your posts one day when you are feeling a little better so you can see that really, no one was being bullying or manipulative.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Prayers and blessings for a joyous and free future. BB
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Old 06-22-2017, 02:43 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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i remember when berrybean showed up here-just a wee bit sensitive,too.

i think i recall a post or 4 from berrybean about a resentment or 4 towards members that posted here,too.

and a blessing to read her growth along the journey.
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Old 06-22-2017, 02:46 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
i remember when berrybean showed up here-just a wee bit sensitive,too.

i think i recall a post or 4 from berrybean about a resentment or 4 towards members that posted here,too.

and a blessing to read her growth along the journey.
Oi. Watch it you!! Lol x
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Old 06-22-2017, 02:49 PM
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Had a great day boating with my dog.
Again . Best of luck to every one.
Thank you. It's been an experience
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:01 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Wishing you all the best captainkitty (I love that name, too.) I am sorry for the losses you have endured and for your struggle with alcohol. I am an empath and seem to feel everyone's pain very acutely, to the point where it is hard to cope sometimes. I have always been sensitive and I do get it. My emotions were particularly raw in early sobriety. I do wish you would stick around. There are lots of people here who genuinely care and are rooting for you to succeed. I believe you should give this forum some more time; it has been indispensable to my sobriety.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:17 PM
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To the last poster...I apologize I'm not good without my glasses...thank you for you comment..I appreciate it...and as a fellow empath maybe you can understand this forum is just too much for me.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:34 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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I was just remembering another alcoholism forum (defunct now, alas) where a new member arrived with guns a-blazin', climbing all over everyone for not being sensitive or empathetic enough.

Within a year, she became one of the most valuable members of the forum, with a strong, contented sobriety. Her empathic nature helped her gain a remarkably clear insight into how to be of help to other alcoholics who still suffered.

I see a great potential for you, captainkitty!
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:53 PM
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My guns aren't blazing...this just isn't the right place for me. Why don't you all go look up that poor young woman who is bulimic , chugging hard liguor, and terrified and all any of you could say is talk to a doctor.
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:56 PM
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all any of you could say is talk to a doctor.

that is absolutely NOT true. and you also suggested inpatient and seeing a doctor.

this just isn't the right place for me

and yet................
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