Nemi

So.. a friend came over yesterday evening. She brought wine. After an inner battle, I decided that I could have one glass after a full week without (ironic right ?? I have written to you that I KNOW I can't drink å little now and then..) that one glass wasnt enough of course, I har 4 glasses in total. I feel like ****. Not physically. But mentally. Anxiety, disappointment and I feel like crying. I felt like crying even when I still had a buzz going from the wine. I hate myself for giving in, its NOT worth it

STDragon

Good for you for turning it around so quickly. It shows how much you value yourself. You have to look after number one!

neferkamichael

Nemi, if you don't become an old drunk you'll have an S-load of money in your pocket, rootin for ya. :eEgypt:

Tertor

The hardest part for me was coming to terms with the fact that I can't drink at all. I had countless times of determination to quit and would usually make it four days before the Addictive Voice would convince me that I could have one or two glasses of wine and then stop. Especially, socially...it liked to convince me that I could have one or two glasses of wine when I was socially with others and then leave it alone. But I never could have one or two glasses. And I could never leave it alone. First of all, it is very easy to find social reasons to drink every day. But I liked to drink best by myself in format of the TV too. It was my 'relax' time. So one or two drinks out always equalled buying a bottle on the way home to drink by myself. I drank through my twenties and thirties not even realizing I had a problem. I drank through my forties and half of my fifties scared of my problem and keeeping it a secret, stopping numerous times using all diffferent kinds of plans...like only drinking socially, only drinking two glasses, tapering off, just drinking on weekends, only drinking on Fridays, never drinking on work night, etc. Etc. None of them worked. I always picked up again on by fourth day and sometimes didn't make it that long. Now, at 56, I have finally admitted out loud for the first time that I was an alcoholic and could not drink normally. Now, for the first time, I don't want to kid myself anymore.

I lost years and years, tons of money, cool life opportunities, and some good relationships to alcohol. I have to live with the fact that my drinking affected my daughter's childhood and life. I can't get any of that back.

Don't be me. I am so admiring of you in recognizing young that it is an issue and naming it. I pray that you will be able to stop now and be able to build a wonderful sober life for yourself and your family so you won't reach my age and look back with regret. It really is not worth it.

So don't beat yourself up about the relapse. It is part of the learning. But grab hold of the lesson and move forward with new resolve. You are awesome and you deserve it!

kevlarsjal

Hi Nemi!

I'm like you a 27 years old woman and I stopped drinking half a year ago. Accepting that I'm an alcoholic and always will be and can not ever drink again is still an overwhelming thought for me sometimes. I find attending AA meetings (couldn't stand them at first!) very helpful and taking things 'one day at a time'.

In case you're Swedish (you said from a Scandinavian country) I can maybe help you to find help in form of AA meetings and recovery programs! Feel free to PM me, I'm happy to help!

Support to you

Nemi

We have much in common then
I find it a conflicting thought, that at my age, I cannot drink again. Drinking is so "normal", but I know I dont have a normal relationship with alcohol.. just gonna keep going on my path to sobriety.
I'm from Norway

Nemi

Appreciate the answers here, so much !
Hugs to all of you.

Nemi

Feel quite good today, apart from my "normal" everyday-anxiety. Dont want to focus on the fact that it's back to day 2 again.. then I will get scared of horrific withdrawals (Even though I havent experienced any).
I assume it's unlikely to have massive withdrawals after one night in a week, but I'm still kinda worried. The combination of anxiety disorder and an alcoholproblem is not a fortunate one..

Haydentree

Amen! My regrets are a black cloud that hovers over me.

Nyah30

Hi nemi

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm 30 with a young child and I probably drank more than you. 1-2 bottles of wine every night. Iv known I have a drink problem for a long time but it's only now I'm serious about giving up. I had ten days sober but over the weekend I drank because of being in a social situation. So I'm back on day 1. I feel fed up today that I'm back at square one but I'm determined to start again properly. I always felt quite alone thinking people of my age don't consider themselves to be alcoholics but this site has really opened my eyes that it's more common than I thought. I'd advise reading through the threads on a daily basis as its really helped me.

Sasha4

Hi

I wanted to tell you a little about me.

My drinking sort of took when I was 30. I am 43 now and I have not drunk alcohol for 5 years.

I was never good at drinking.
I never drank to enhance food or appreciated fine wine.
I was the girl that would mix sprite with red wine.
Not Classy!

My drinking career was short thank goodness.
I did many stupid things when I drank.
Nothing awfully bad, but things I deeply regret now. In fact it would be fair to say they haunt me now.

I have had counselling, therapy you name it, to try and get rid of the thoughts, depression and anxiety they have caused me over the years.
Not much has really helped.

Anyway.............. my point is if you stop now, you can save yourself years and years of these negative events and actions happening and the guilt, self hate and shame stacking up.

I don't want to get all Disney, but drinking (like we drink here) does not bring happiness and love and carefree living.

It is hard.
Drinking is socially accepted especially at our age.
The 'wine o'clock' and prosecco brigade have a strong influence.

When I first started coming here, I learnt about the 'yes'..

As in my drinking cannot be that bad as

I have never driven drunk..........YET
I have never lost a job over drinking....YET
I have not lost my family...YET.
I have never been in trouble with the law......YET.

What I am saying is, you have so much potential to turn this round.
You have years and years of happiness ahead of you and if you stop drinking now you will stop any further negatives or bad experiences happening.

It is hard at first and your friends and family might encourage you to drink.
That can be hard....but it will not last forever.

I have always said it is my battle and I will fight it how I see fit.
For me that is in my own quiet dignified way.
I don't have to explain anything to anyone who does not understand.

Its a simple "glass of wine?' 'no thanks tea or diet coke is fine'.

There will be outrage at first ....'a cup of tea, its Saturday night?!!!!!!!!!!'
But it will get better.

The way it feels hard now to decline will not last forever I promise.
You have to work at it, but then it gets easier and easier.

I really wish you the best and hope you find understanding and support here like I have done.

jryan19982

Not much I can say that has not already been said.

I didnt think I could be an alcoholic at age 30 but I was. And it was for a few years after that I realized what I really was- an alcoholic. Sure I could have one or two here and there, but most of the time when I drank I drank until there was nothing left in the house. On weekends I would go out and get more. Recipe for a DUI or worse.

One day, after spending the day at the bar drinking and watching football, and yes driving home, I got out of my car and fell over. I was that **** ass drunk. I knew something had to change or I would get myself into some serious trouble that I would not be able to get out of. That is the day I started to change my life. It didnt come easy, and it sure didnt come all at once. But it got to where I wanted it to be.

When my drinking was at its peak, I felt horrible but I didnt know any better, I thought that was just how I felt. Woke up every day with a dry mouth, it hurt to swallow because my throat was so dry probably from sleeping with my mouth open and snoring, my stomach hurt, my head hurt and then came the anxiety. On weekends I would just have a beer to make it all go away, but on weekdays I needed to go to work. What an awful existence I had or was. I had a great life, and luckily I did not lose any of it. Great family, great kids, a wife who for some reason loved me, parents who supported me, a good job, a house, a dog, everything I should have wanted. But I was never happy. Drinking made me upset and made me feel horrible.

It was not until I got sober that I found out what feeling normal actually was. Seeing the light outside and being happy, instead of wanting to go back to sleep. The world is really a beautiful place if you dont JUST exist in your life. You need to live your life without that haze. I'm happier now. And I want to keep it that way.

Nemi

Thank you so much for sharing your stores with me 🌸
I had a really hard time sleeping last night, felt sick to my stomach and my brain just went in to overdrive with thoughts. Again, fueled by my anxiety I suppose.
Feeling ok today. Eating too much sweets though 😂
Wish you all a nice day

Dee74

Hope you sleep better tonight Nemi

nme13

Nemi, glad you are joining SR! I'm also brand new to the community and to being sober. I'm 24 and all of my friends still binge drink. Might be time for me to seek out some new friends which is a strange idea, but a necessary one. I've tried to rationalize with myself thinking "I don't drink THAT much more than my friends", when I know I do.... I drink before and after the group gets together.... and the next day.... and the next. It is easier for me to not start than it is to try to limit myself. I'm having a hard time accepting that I won't drink anymore because I think I'll have to change a lot of my habits and friendships.
I'd love to support you.

Nemi

Thanks , Dee74 🌸
nme13, I can really relate to your thoughts. "I dont drink THAT much, I haven't done it for SO long ", etc. Trying to push those thoughts away. Thank you for the support

Today was Norways independence / national day. There was beer and sparkling wine on every corner, but I wasn't nearly as tempted as I thought I would be. It was no big deal to walk away . Watched the parade and ate cake and ice cream with my daughter. Was a nice day

Nemi

Feel like posting here again.
Since the last time i wrote (on May 17th) I have been drinking once. Quite a lot too, 9 beers in one day. Thats 6 days ago.
Feel like I have found my pattern here, I'm sober for a week-ish, and then have a drinking day. Feel ashamed and sick of my self the day after, and stop for a week. THEN I convince my self that its all cool og I just drink this one day, because many normal people drink once a week, right?
I know. I shouldnt listen to that voice. Taking one day at a time, been working out a lot lately to get distracted from the cravings . I wont drink this week.

Anyway, since I have but back from 6 days a week to one, I feel a lot better. Not sick to my stomach all the time. Sleeping better
. The progress is good, but Im kinda sick of letting myself down every week.

thomas11

Do you want permanent sobriety or are you ok with the once a week thing?

Dee74

Maybe you need a recovery plan Nemi?

Take a look anyway - you might find something in there to help you move from almost sobriety to total recovery?

D

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Nemi

well, in an ideal world I would really love to be OK with the once a week-thing.
But I am an alcoholic. It is not an option for me. Once I get started, I drink till its empty. And I crave more. The following days I think about alcohol a lot more than a normal person would, I believe. Even if my weekly intake is within "moderation ", I still have the mindset of an alcoholic. And I would stay in this limbo. Also , knowing myself: sooner og later I will drink more than once a week:/
The only option is total sobriety. This one night of cheating is not worth it.