Soberwolf

Awesome

LuluBread

My prior post about the dream and being in love w a man - just to clarify, I'm not living my days sad and alone because I do not have a man in my life (because my subject line does say alone and scared). I feel alone because I packed up everything and moved to Texas - all by myself. I haven't seen my family since Dec 2015. I did not want to pay CA rents and perhaps running away. Idk yet. I lived with my ex for 10 years, completely renovated his entire place to have him tell me to leave after the last room was done. He never spoke one word to me since the day he said leave (he was a heavy pot smoker and I couldn't stand it and so I drank and then started to drink more) I miss the house more than him. My whole life turned upside down when he told me to "get out" May 2013 (by the way, he was having an affair with his friend's neighbor). Lost my home, my ex, all our friends and neighbors, had to move out, had to find a place, started a new job, lost my job (had an affair w boss and he couldn't handle it), started another job, lost that one (seriously no work there, sat on my ass all day twiddling my thumbs), unemployed, aunt died, cat got eaten by a coyote, brother's father-in-law died, moved (again) out of the apartment and into my mother's because rent went up to $1900 mo., mother went control freak on me (another huge story), interviewed for couple of months, had 2 offers in CA and 1 here. Took the one here and moved with my 2 cats in a big truck, moved in with my friend until she said her married guy friend was going to stay on the couch so he could do some work around the yard, moved out and moved again, lost the next job (ended up being accounting (??!!) job and I hated it, couldn't do it), got another job (ummm the next week it was a stroke of luck) and had to move again due to location. And here I am: in a nice apartment and a good job. First time in a long long time I've felt secure...so you see I cannot drink. It would rob me of all of this, because eventually my ship would sink at work if I continued to drink. And with all that said, I will wait until I feel that I'm ok to date a man. Time to get ready for another day to hold onto. Oh, one more huge thing that also changed my life: I no longer eat animals or animal by-products...no part of an animal since January 2016.

Madnellie

Hi Lulu, I've been sober for just over 11 months now and there are days when the anxiety is crippling for me too and it's a struggle to get out of bed and get to work. But, and this is the important part, I'm finding those days are becoming fewer over time and it's taking me much less time to get over them. It used to be at least a week before I got back to feeling ok, now it's often within a day. Giving my cats a big cuddle often helps too
You're not alone in this, we're all here for you.

SimplyFree

Love dreams are the worst.....lol ....As drinkers it is common that we feel alone and vunderable. Drinking we make poor choices....duh. Part of the non drinking person is getting our self worth back. We no longer need alcohol, nor him/her to make us feel worthwhile, nor are we always in the hangover fog, stuck with a constant feelings of guilt and shame. We experience these weird feelings of strength and laughter. I see a sparkle in the sunshine outside some days. I know the sun isn't any brighter, but my perception is different and it simply makes my heart smile and I think maybe this drinking depression really will pass? Alone can be a safe place, at least it is for me, trust is tough. Getting healthier finding the true sustainable me, is my challenge. Only taking care of my kids is equally important. You have a great story of a new beginning, the opportunity of making a new you! I look forward to hearing your story unfold. I hope your day is filled with smiles as your adventure continues. Stay strong and sober. Blessings

SimplyFree

I hope your day is a positive strong day.

LuluBread

14 days and doing good...
Started doing calisthenics in the morning for about 15 minutes. I've got little motivation for exercise (used to workout 5-6 days a week). Going to wake a little earlier tomorrow and go for the dvd HIIT workout. I've been getting a lot done at work...and I'm not sure how I got thru days drinking on the job. The bags under the eyes are gone, along with the slightly ruddy face. At the end there, I started trying Preparation H for the bags it was pretty ridiculous. Do these thoughts of being sober every go away? Not that I'm thinking about drinking. Being sober goes through my head - hard to explain I guess. I'm still a bit bloated. I'll keep posting here in 'newcomers' for the next couple of weeks....then I think I'll make a new thread? Is that how it works? Thanks and have a nice evening (it's 6:40pm in Texas).

Hevyn

Hi LuLu. You can post in Newcomers as long as you want. I've been here going on 10 yrs. and I still post here, as many of us do. No rules about how long you should stay here - but if you ever want to start a new thread of your own, that would be great too.

My niece moved from CA to Texas a few yrs. ago. We were so concerned that it would be such a huge change for her - but she absolutely loves it. She's in Parker (not far from Dallas). Nephew is in Houston & he's happy too. I'm sure you were a bit disoriented at first, and it was a brave thing to change your whole life. I'm glad you feel secure & like your job. Good things are down the road - smart of you to take it slow and savor the new you.

SimplyFree

Lulu,
I try to workout in the mornings too. I haven't made it out to the treadmill or bike trainer consistently yet. I need to though. I never thought of using preparation H anywhere but the bottom end. ....lol! Us guys aren't very in tune with that stuff. I figured I would post on my thread til I made it to 30 days, then start a new one here. Getting to 30 days would be amazing.....heck day 11 would be amazing! I haven't made 11 days since Jan 2014. Your attitude is awesome and very encouraging! Thanks!

LuluBread

Well, I'm halfway to a whole month. Today is the first day it seemed as if the bloating has decreased. My day was super busy and still have to say, not sure how I made it thru days there while drinking. I'm having strange dreams and had a weird arm zap/twitch....just sort of flung up for no reason. I don't think I ever mentioned that on day one I had a major gnarly head zap. Felt and sounded as if I got shot in the head. Anyway, I was supposed to go on a job interview at a different company, but decided I really don't need anymore change right now. Maybe just breathe it all in and get on track for now. I was going to do a 45 minute workout this morning, but I woke up and rubbed my eye...felt like I ripped the cornea, it was painful and just had to lay down until the watering stopped and I could blink without it stinging. Not sure why my eyes are so dry. I'm not sure why my parents never tried to intervene and stop me from self-destructing myself at an early age. It seems as if my whole life was just one big party. And eventually in the end it turned ugly...a good 3 years. I'm determined to keep myself anchored to the sober train track. I'm playing it forward like someone said here (sorry I forgot who). Looking at it 10 years from now....and till the very end. My SV is beating the crap out of AV and anxiety and self pity-party. I hope I made the right choice of not going to that interview (ah! I'm questioning myself :-/)

SimplyFree

Is your eye ok Lulu? Hydrate!! I used to wake up after drinking and my mouth , throat, eyes were dried shut. It was horrible! What we know as parties really are a form of torture. Being sober, feeling good and sane instead stupid and ashamed, is the real fun. So you might say life's party is just beginning. I intend to enjoy each day as much as possible.......depression be damned!

Congratulations on two weeks!!! I'm envious!
Stay strong and focused! Blessings!

SimplyFree

Trying to find the fitness groove back....did an hour on the treadmill....only proved I'm old and slow! At least it's a start. Have a great day.

LuluBread

Sober day again. But no energy or motivation to do anything but go to work. I feel especially tired right when I wake up. Tomorrow another day.

saoutchik

You're doing great LuLuBovary.

SimplyFree

Glad to hear from you! Sorry you are needing some energy, I can relate. By afternoon.....I'm totally toast. Even in the mornings, I just try not to admit it....lol.
But everyday is a winner that ends sober. Thanks for hanging in there!

SimplyFree

You ok LuLu?

LuluBread

Sunday morning (computer was at an especially slow crawl-speed yesterday). I'm having an issue with motivation and planning my hours away from work. I'm giving myself a break (for now) while I adjust to this sobering transition. Days are going by so fast. I'm realizing that time is worth more than a drink. I'm feeling good and considering everything I think I'm doing great...

LuluBread

Forgot to say thanks for checking in....

PhoenixJ

keep it up. LLB- your posts help me. ALL info collected is duly processed and action taken.

SimplyFree

You are doing great!! Glad to hear from you! It is a transition to the new you. What do you think you want to add in to the " new you" to fill the time you've found? Keep up the good work. Check in often and thanks for checking in on me! Blessings!!

LuluBread

Going into 3 weeks. Monday morning. Woke up at 5:30am feeling as if I had a hangover on the right side of my brain....and also groggy and tired. I eat enough food, lots of veggies and fruits, oats, protein Vega shakes, nuts, seeds, etc. I do get in at least 50 - 64 oz water per day. Zero motivation to workout. Gonna make an appointment to see Dr this week for the Magic Sand...it's been going on for over a month. Maybe all that Tequila ripped thru my intestines.