Alone and scared, I don't want to drink anymore
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 504
Got a "wake-up" call today and received the results from my blood test from the day I quit drinking and showed high liver bilirubin. Spent the day researching foods. Going back in 6 months for follow up blood test. Day 4 today...and will be sober for that next blood test. Pathetic what I have done.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 793
Not pathetic. None of us would have chosen this route, but one thing I know for sure, is that pathetic isn't the case. Congratulations on being sober. It will get better. The first week or so really stinks, but this really does have to be the last time you ever feel like that. Remember to be kind to yourself, and you will definitely make it to that next 6 month appointment sober, and see things in a whole different light.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Congrats on day 4 Lulu. Use this wake up call as a lifeline to getting yourself healthy again. I was diagnosed with fatty liver back in 2007 and spent the next 7 years drinking my life away. What a waste, get sober and stay sober. I promise you won't regret that decision. It takes a ton of work and dedication, each and every day. But with that dedication, you reclaim your life, your control, your strength. Get you back, it's within your grasp. Lean on this community as much as you need. SR is a great resource, and the only place that has helped keep me sober.
You can do this!
You can do this!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Lulu,
Welcome to SR, and congrats on getting past those first few days. I'm glad you saw your doctor, and have a follow up appointment in six months.
This website helped me to get sober after many years of trying to moderate, and failing miserably.
Hope you are starting to feel a little better. Keep posting!
Welcome to SR, and congrats on getting past those first few days. I'm glad you saw your doctor, and have a follow up appointment in six months.
This website helped me to get sober after many years of trying to moderate, and failing miserably.
Hope you are starting to feel a little better. Keep posting!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 504
Day 5 morning time. I still have that nasty odor emanating from my system, skin, breath. I would love to "get me back", but not sure what that means to me since I've been drinking for so long....and yes to reclaiming my life, control, and strength. I honestly feel as if I'm the biggest let down and I have not accomplished all the things I said I would when I was intoxicated. Some real good BS spewed out of my mouth after a few drinks. And the lies....feeling horrible about the last lie I told it hurts. I look at everyone at my work as true-blue honest people and I am a psycho liar. With a clear head, I don't think I would have ever lied like that...I was drunk and wanted to leave the office, so I made up a really bad lie. IDK why! AA is not for me, so I am trying to find a secular meeting close to home. Thanks everyone for the posts.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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It's 3pm and all of a sudden I feel as if I am going to throw up. Feeling sick and just want to lay down. Maybe I ate too much yesterday trying to get nourishment. Getting a headache too. I'm starting to really panic that my liver is really damaged.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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This is the first day I've been at work sober in a long time. I'm just holding on for now and trying to focus on having some integrity in my job. No drinks tonight and going to bed. Need to think about Easter, my friend invited me over and she can't stop drinking wine...
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by LuLuBovary 
(----Quote from Berrybean - "Thing is, looking back, the tidy up frenzy was more than that for me. It was something that I was doing to help me ignore the fear and panic that was gripping me. It took me a month of this before I finally got to my first meeting. I found myself sitting in a clean house, being rocked by the fear of facing my inner muck and mire that I had, over the years, become entrenched in. Hating myself for some of the horrible things I'd said and done, and how I'd neglected relationships and hurt others. My finances left me breathless with panic. And I was attacked side-on with waves (tsunami sized ones) of self-pity that I was ashamed of, but nevertheless they left me sobbing and completely debilitated.")
BB - I could relate to everything you wrote....everything, and it sounded just like my situation and thoughts. Just trying to muster up some motivation to run my errands and get out. I feel stuck sitting in this chair, can't move and crying. I guess I'm just really disappointed in how I took my life on a path of destruction. I'm glad I didn't drink last night.....because today I would be drinking to rid the hangover. Over and over and over again. Thanks for the post. It helps....
BB - I could relate to everything you wrote....everything, and it sounded just like my situation and thoughts. Just trying to muster up some motivation to run my errands and get out. I feel stuck sitting in this chair, can't move and crying. I guess I'm just really disappointed in how I took my life on a path of destruction. I'm glad I didn't drink last night.....because today I would be drinking to rid the hangover. Over and over and over again. Thanks for the post. It helps....
I'm really please my experience was useful. One of the AA Promises (the one I thought could never come true for me) is that we will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. You know, it's a privilege to be able to offer support to people who are newly sober, both here and at AA, and so in that respect that promise has come true.
Another way it's come true is that I feel grateful for so much that normies may well take for granted . Like being sober for today. A clean fridge and the ability to keep my bank account within agreed overdraft limits. Being able to wake up without hangovers. Not being scared about what I said or did last night. Being able to open my Facebook or ebay account without worrying what I'd said on there the night before, or in the case of eBay what I'd bid on or bought (boy, I did keep the postal service busy back then). For my renewed faith. For my friends. For the relationship I now have with my mum. And this is all from just 3 years sober. Not long considering the decades I'd spent trashing my life and my relationships.
But I didn't get here by just staying sober. I got here, and stay here, by working on my recovery. And that is something I can't afford to forget or take for granted. Because the good stuff normies can do without thinking about it, I need to work at. But I'll carry on working it. It's worth it, and so am I. And so are you!
Take care. BB x
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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A week being sober...and after the 2-days from hell alcohol poisoning, being at work sober is nice. I get a lot done. Just got a call today from another company that wants to talk to me about a job with them. I never did like drinking and I shake my head as to why I kept it up day-after-day getting worse and worse progressing to the hard booze. But, it's that first drink that sucker punches you right into the grip of the addiction. I'm so glad I got sick last week....I wouldn't be sober right now. Thanks to SR too...talking about it, even if only a few listen, helps.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Last week today I thought I was on my death bed....I laid in bed all day, couldn't move or drive myself to urgent care until the next day where they gave me 2 large IV's - I was so dehydrated. I never want to go back to that day. Blood pressure has gone down a bit. Work is very busy and not sure I would still be employed if I kept it up. I wish I could log into the chat room here but Java isn't working on Chrome or Safari (MacBook Pro - if anyone has any ideas on this). My body is tired and I will start a workout routine soon....just right now I am weak.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Another good day. Company gave us the day off... running errands and getting all my overdue filing in order at home (who files when drunk?) I'm finally going to get my car tested so I can get it registered in TX - I think it's "only" been 16 months since moving. SMH
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