I quit...husband still drinks....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by KiKi0615 
I really appreciate everyone caring enough to reply to my post. I think the 2 biggest issues are:
1. When my husband drinks I feel left out because his social life revolves around drinking! It's not like we go to a concert and there's drinking "on the side". He wants to go to a bar or party where the entire FOCUS is drinking.
2. He acts very different when he drinks....immediately! He's a light-weight. The way he acts when he drinks is probably more of a trigger than him physically drinking.
*Well....obviously we need some help with this. Again, I appreciate all the support more than you know!
1. When my husband drinks I feel left out because his social life revolves around drinking! It's not like we go to a concert and there's drinking "on the side". He wants to go to a bar or party where the entire FOCUS is drinking.
2. He acts very different when he drinks....immediately! He's a light-weight. The way he acts when he drinks is probably more of a trigger than him physically drinking.
*Well....obviously we need some help with this. Again, I appreciate all the support more than you know!
You can also suggest doing activities that don't revolving around drinking, as well as working on yourself with coming to terms with that we are alcoholics, we can't drink normally.
If he's going out drinking with his friends, maybe go out with your own and do something else.
In the end if he seems to not care or to respect what you need to help stay clean, then you need to question the relationship as you have to put your sobriety first.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by ljc267
Yeah I'm not going to the bar and sit there while everyone drinks. I never realized how annoying drunk people are til I quit.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm going to urge a little caution 
I was a million different people in my first 90 days and some of the things I felt strongly about in the beginning weren't a problem by the end.
I'm not defending your husband or suggesting that this is something you shouldn't be upset by, but thinking about the end of a marriage is a huge thing.
We can all be impulsive, but I think you owe it to yourself to see what sober you wants, and thats gonna take some time for sober you to emerge.
In the meantime, there's support here and in places like AA. You;re not alone
D
I was a million different people in my first 90 days and some of the things I felt strongly about in the beginning weren't a problem by the end.
I'm not defending your husband or suggesting that this is something you shouldn't be upset by, but thinking about the end of a marriage is a huge thing.
We can all be impulsive, but I think you owe it to yourself to see what sober you wants, and thats gonna take some time for sober you to emerge.
In the meantime, there's support here and in places like AA. You;re not alone
D
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Yeah, what Dee said.
Hi Kiki,
That's really difficult.
I don't have great advice here, but take your time to work out a solution. Setting boundaries takes time.
The world drinks. Strength to not be one of them lies within each one of us....and it's usually something we have figure out on our own. No one, not even a spouse, can be responsible for my drinking (or not drinking).
But maybe he should get a hotel next time he goes on a bender. That's what I would tell my husband.
Hi Kiki,
That's really difficult.
I don't have great advice here, but take your time to work out a solution. Setting boundaries takes time.
The world drinks. Strength to not be one of them lies within each one of us....and it's usually something we have figure out on our own. No one, not even a spouse, can be responsible for my drinking (or not drinking).
But maybe he should get a hotel next time he goes on a bender. That's what I would tell my husband.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Thank you so much everyone! I talked to my husband tonight and we are going to immediately start searching for a marriage counselor. We need some outside help. My sponsor completely agrees! You guys are the best! Thank you so much! I'm so grateful to be sober another day.
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