Mizzuno

Good work on your time. You are doing this!

I agree with Dee. It may be best to miss a few gatherings until you get your training wheels off and you are feeling quite strong in your new approach. Just an opinion.

Yorkshirebloke

So, I'm a failue!
Was a bit down in the dumps towards the back end of last week. Really fancied a beer, just to chill me out!
Went to the pub and had 2 pints of lager. It was bliss! I really enjoyed them. I came home and watched a movie and had 2 more pints and 1 x rum.

Hungover a bit yesterday, which was no fun.
The good thing is that don't have beer in my mind any more. I feel like ive scratched that itch. Maybe that's how it should be?

Dee74

Apologies in advance...I'm not trying to be combative - but I'm really over addiction and its BS this week. ...and it's only Monday.

I don't believe in relapses people need to have, YB.

Hand on heart I never learned anything from a relapse I didn't know before.

I just don't buy that people need to drink again to remind themselves of anything.

I recognise that now as addictive thinking at its most persuasive.

But anyway - be that as it may...vent over.

What happens the next time you're down in the dumps or need to chill out?

You will feel like that again unfortunately and that sense of delight you felt at drinking again is going to be hard to defeat without a plan.

Unless you have other plans in place - and start developing other plans - y'know, not wishing you ill - but chances are you're going to drink again, YB.

D

spen71

As Dee says unless you have plans in place for recovery their is a good chance that you will relapse and relapse Alcoholism is progressive and will never get better or easier. It gets WORSE. Trust me and the thousands and thousands of others who have used this forum. Some people believe ***** footing around the subject. I certainly don't. Alcoholism is not a trivial matter, It's a matter of life and death

I've got various threads on here. All of my battle with the booze. I finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol. And guess what I'm now over 6 years sober!! If people want to question you not drinking that is their problem

Sorry if I sound harsh but you just keep making excuses

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/190842-looks-like-i-have-fianlly-reached-my-bottom.html

FreedomCA

You caved into your cravings. We all get cravings, but we have to learn how to say no to them and run the tape forward of what can happen if we drink again. Try your best to get back on track before anything seriously bad happens.

Yorkshirebloke

I did cave into my cravings, but I didnt go crazy, and enjoyed the drink without guzzling as I have done in the past. I beat myself up about it afterwards.
I have no intentions or feelings to want to drink more, which must be good?
I was reminded, with the hangover head, why I like to keep away from booze, as at the moment i am really into the gym, and the two dont go well together!

Dee74

My addiction liked to loosen the chain it had me on from time to time...only to yank it back suddenly.

there's nothing so dangerous as a few normal, even pleasurable, drinking occasions for an alcoholic...for this alcoholic anyway...thats what kept me on the hook going back again and again..

It'd be a lot easier to quit if we ended up in jail, burnt our house down or crashed the car every time we drank.... but addictions a lot more subtle that that.

Hey thats my 20-30 years experience with addiction anyway.

I hope you're different and that you're right and that you won't ever feel the need to test the waters again, YB.

Best wishes to you

D

Yorkshirebloke

So, after a week, beating myself up over drinking last weekend Im sat here pretty peeved off!
Went to a bbq on saturday night and didnt have a drop.-even with all the peer pressure from others to drink! Was well impressed with myself! felt great!
Went for a pub lunch to celebrate my daughters birthday and had two pints!
I was fine all afternoon until at 9pm, I had this craving for another beer. Two cans later, drunk in the garage, i needed something stronger! The next thing I know, Im swigging rum from the bottle!

Feel awful today! told my wife about it thismorning! I've poured the rest of the rum bottle down the drain!
what a fool!

August252015

THIS. This. This.

I've read this thread from the beginning and have hated seeing the predictable cycle you have been following, YB.

The biggest thing that jumped out at me is that you need a plan, as Dee says- a plan of action. Not drinking comes first (as others have said, whatever you call yourself, alcohol is giving you serious problems from the lying to the guilt to the cycle of internal questions to....) THEN - immediately following, like that day, then the next, then the 42 or whatever you are on- comes the HOW you stay sober- no matter what.

You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink - you CAN see what life is like on the side of recovery, peace and strength, as BB said some posts up, not just a life where you don't drink and try to "get through it" or "think" through it .... but where your life doesn't have the questions and stress that problem drinking brings.

The other big thing that jumped out at me is that you essentially keep setting yourself up for failure with the activities you choose - yes, CHOOSE, not HAVE- to do and the company you keep. I have found, like most of us, that changing everything (pretty much) about my who, when and where was critical. New habits, new priorities - and so much more fun and happiness.

I hope to see you choose sobriety and really put a plan together- mine is AA and others have success with different paths. Most of us come to understand that our chances to get sober aren't unlimited- take this one.

Best of luck- and planning.

Yorkshirebloke

so how do I avoid a social event like a bbq with family and freinds, who are all big drinkers without becoming a hermit? I cant really not go along....

Dee74

Well I avoided such things, to be honest.
I really wanted to change.

It's not true that there's only two options here - going to everything... or being a hermit...

you can be selective with the kinds of invites you accept.

I didn't go to out and out parties, but I met up with friends and members of my family at coffee dates, movies, picnics, lunches - anything on my terms or anywhere where alcohol was not the main attraction.

If the situation turned out to be not what I expected or I felt wobbly, I always had an escape plan .

There are some good ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html

I hope they help

Ultimately, if you find you're going to things and still drinking, I think something will need to change.

D

August252015

Actually, you can.

I say it often around here: I am ruthless about with whom I spend my time, where I go and what I participate in - period. NO wedding, no party, no night out for sure, is worth my sobriety. And I do mean that literally- I chose not to spend Christmas with my parents and brother after much thought and consideration about what was best for my sobriety (this was at 10 mo) and I expected that they would understand- or respect my decision as I would be ok with it and their reaction was not my problem. If, one day, say, my step-daughter-to-be gets married and going to the wedding would in any way jeopardize what would likely be 10 or so years of sobriety then, I won't go.

That is how seriously I take my sobriety.

And, in the life and world I have created, I am not missing out on ANYTHING- in fact, my life is full, vibrant and MUCH richer than it was when I was drinking.

That's my experience.

It's common that people feel they "can't not go" or will disappoint others or....but the reality often discovered is that most people don't care, the ones that do may have drinking or other issues themselves....AND that those who truly support our recovery respect our decisions to protect it fiercely, even if they don't understand.

That's the level of respect I set the boundaries for in all of my relationships.

IMO, not exactly asked by you- squaring in your head that you need to stop drinking, full stop, and accepting that new reality is primary. The rest - well, it's details.

Change is scary....and sobriety is effort (I don't consider it work but I certainly put a lot of EFFORT into my recovery)...and I can promise you that the mental gymnastics I do NOT do anymore are just one of the benefits of my now 15 mo sober life.

kenton

Went to a wedding on Saturday. Think I was the only sober adult there. Wasn't a problem. No one cared whether I was drinking or not. You don't have to become a hermit. You just need to accept that you don't drink. In any circumstances. Just because your friends and family are big drinkers, doesn't mean you have to be one too. Be different. Lead the way. Maybe you'll inspire some of them to cut down. And if it's too difficult to be around them, stay away from boozy get togethers until you know you can handle it.

Mizzuno

You are learning here.
Starts with one. Test the waters. Have two. All went ok with a few. Then after a bit, its a full on drunk spree. Its all or nothing.

The best thing right now, while in early recovery from alcoholism, is to keep yourself away from situations that create temptation. BBQ and gatherings need to come second. Your sobriety needs to come first. It is possible to take a reprieve from these occasions and to get yourself a good solid foundation. If you think you cant miss one of these occasions, you are wrong. You can. Its really up to you to decide what it is you want to be doing with your time. If being at places that cause temptation is your idea of a good time, then so be it. It just sounds miserable, honestly.

I had to learn the hard way. The real hard way. I dont wish that learning on anyone.

Keep posting. Please stick around.

Dee74

Kenton makes a great point I forgot to add. This is not your new life - it's just a transition phase.

You will get better at this - you will develop 'sober muscles' and, if you work your recovery, you'll be able to go anywhere and do anything...one day.

But, for now, you need to work up to that.

D

tnman1967

I say it over and over again. You haven't made a mental inventory and deep down you have not decided to stay sober. I am in no way looking down on you or berating you but I did the same thing you do for well over thirty years. I got two DUI's. One PI. Got robbed twice and almost lost my wife due to me saying that I wanted to stop drinking but as soon as the first craving or party rolled around I was drunk again. One day four years ago I had enough. I saw what a miserable human being I was with health problems, anxiety and almost divorced. For what? So I can act stupid drunk and feel like crap the next day, several times a week. It's time to once and for all make that decision. Either you are going to stay a drunk or quit drinking. The big caveat though, until you really want to do this for you and not because you think you can get back to normal drinking. I had thirty years of fruitless promises to myself and others. July 20th 2013 I decided to take my life back. You can do it too, but I got to be honest. Your first step is to remove yourself from this ever ongoing parties you are attending. When you become sober you don't feel any need to hang around a bunch of drunks at parties. Go hiking instead. Am I harsh? Maybe so, but I am realistic. Don't keep this going and become the miserable person I was.

Yorkshirebloke

I do indeed need to make a plan. The foundations are their. I think sometimes I'm weak and fall easy to peer pressure.
Avoiding friends and social events Isnt an option unless I get divorced!- its really not an option. I will have to work around it. I have very good friends who I think a lot of, but their lives are organised around boozing which is difficult. Most thinks which we organise with them will at some point involve drinking alcohol. 99.9% of the time I resist, but it is like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey!

tnman1967

I'm not saying it's impossible but I do believe you have a double whammy then. I don't see most alcoholics succeeding if they are going to hang out with drinkers and partying just about every weekend. It really won't work for most people with a drinking problem . I really can't understand why a divorce is necessary to abstain from hanging around drunks. Not trying to be offensive here but if you have concerns and you don't want to drink and your wife fail to understand this then my mission would be to make her understand and ask her to respect that. Your health should come above socializing with people who only drink. Tough love from me I know, but I have thirty years of wasted time behind me so I speak from experience. Good luck to what you set out to do. I really honestly wish you the best but I have serious concerns with your friends not respecting you.