Newbie with a drink problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 22
Newbie with a drink problem
Hi, I'm new to this site.
I'm a guy, in my early 40's who has a bit of a problem with alcohol. I don't think I'm an alcoholic(?), but when I do drink, I go a bit crazy! To the point I feel the need for more and more. I've hidden bottles of spirits and wine in my garage from my wife. I never drink during the day, only on an evening and only 2-3 times a week. My hangovers are horrific (always have been).
Last year I was diagnosed with having depression, so decided to knock alcohol on the head and try to get my head straight again.
I managed 5 months of sobriety and felt so much better for it.
I recently went on holiday to a fantastic all inclusive, and fell off the wagon! I had a few beers on an evening, but found myself swigging whisky from the bottle when my wife had gone to bed!
I'm really ashamed of myself.
Since the holiday, I've drunk 3 times at home and guzzled spirits behind my wifes back. My anxiety has come back and I've got palpitations!
My wife drinks wine. She backs my sobriety.- I don't think she thinks I have a drink problem, so sometimes encourages me to have a drink and let my hair down. She says its ok for me to enjoy a few beers once a week, but I dont think she understands that once i have the "taste" i feel the need to drink into oblivion!
I'm an all or nothing personality, but the "all" in this case isn't good.
I'm currently on day 3 of sobriety.
I'm a guy, in my early 40's who has a bit of a problem with alcohol. I don't think I'm an alcoholic(?), but when I do drink, I go a bit crazy! To the point I feel the need for more and more. I've hidden bottles of spirits and wine in my garage from my wife. I never drink during the day, only on an evening and only 2-3 times a week. My hangovers are horrific (always have been).
Last year I was diagnosed with having depression, so decided to knock alcohol on the head and try to get my head straight again.
I managed 5 months of sobriety and felt so much better for it.
I recently went on holiday to a fantastic all inclusive, and fell off the wagon! I had a few beers on an evening, but found myself swigging whisky from the bottle when my wife had gone to bed!
I'm really ashamed of myself.
Since the holiday, I've drunk 3 times at home and guzzled spirits behind my wifes back. My anxiety has come back and I've got palpitations!
My wife drinks wine. She backs my sobriety.- I don't think she thinks I have a drink problem, so sometimes encourages me to have a drink and let my hair down. She says its ok for me to enjoy a few beers once a week, but I dont think she understands that once i have the "taste" i feel the need to drink into oblivion!
I'm an all or nothing personality, but the "all" in this case isn't good.
I'm currently on day 3 of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
Hi there. Hiding booze, drinking spirits, secretive behaviour, guilt- cannot stop after one...hmm.
Call it what you will alcoholism, alcohol disorder, a disease, an allergy, stress coping thing. Does it matter? You have posted here- which means you have questions and concerns. Perhaps go to an AA meeting? Just go and listen- do not talk if asked to- say you just want to listen. There is also SMART (I do both). There are many excellent resources online and out there. Controlled drinking btw never worked for me- it was all of nothing for me as well. Keep reading, sharing, posting.
Thanks for sharing.
Call it what you will alcoholism, alcohol disorder, a disease, an allergy, stress coping thing. Does it matter? You have posted here- which means you have questions and concerns. Perhaps go to an AA meeting? Just go and listen- do not talk if asked to- say you just want to listen. There is also SMART (I do both). There are many excellent resources online and out there. Controlled drinking btw never worked for me- it was all of nothing for me as well. Keep reading, sharing, posting.
Thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR. You've found the right place for all the support you could possible need.
Your pattern sounds similar to what mine was. Could go several days without a drink, I could even have one or two and stop, but for me it was the third drink that was my tipping point and then I'd keep going until the pub shut or the booze ran out.
In the end I didn't bother with labels, because I'd just keep looking for definitions that would show I wasn't an alcoholic. There's always someone who drinks more than you do, or more often, or has hit a worse rock bottom. I just decided that I'd be better off not drinking. That it wasn't doing what I thought it was doing. It was taking up far too much of my time, money and mental energy.
That was about 20 months ago and I don't miss it at all. My life is much, much better without it. I'm having more fun, not less. I don't care that other people can't understand why I quit. Tell me I'm not an alcoholic. I made what I know was the right decision for me.
Good luck on your sober journey
Your pattern sounds similar to what mine was. Could go several days without a drink, I could even have one or two and stop, but for me it was the third drink that was my tipping point and then I'd keep going until the pub shut or the booze ran out.
In the end I didn't bother with labels, because I'd just keep looking for definitions that would show I wasn't an alcoholic. There's always someone who drinks more than you do, or more often, or has hit a worse rock bottom. I just decided that I'd be better off not drinking. That it wasn't doing what I thought it was doing. It was taking up far too much of my time, money and mental energy.
That was about 20 months ago and I don't miss it at all. My life is much, much better without it. I'm having more fun, not less. I don't care that other people can't understand why I quit. Tell me I'm not an alcoholic. I made what I know was the right decision for me.
Good luck on your sober journey
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Welcome to the board, you've come to the right place, there's a lot of great support here!
Alcoholism isn't really about how much you drink rather what happens to you when you drink, also what happens to you when you try to abstain. I too have the "more, more more" situation.
There's a wealth of information on this board. Read through posts, you'll find that you're not alone and there are many others, including me, who share your situation.
Alcoholism isn't really about how much you drink rather what happens to you when you drink, also what happens to you when you try to abstain. I too have the "more, more more" situation.
There's a wealth of information on this board. Read through posts, you'll find that you're not alone and there are many others, including me, who share your situation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Welcome - I'm happy you found us.
I think if you can do 5 months, you can do it again.
With me, getting a few days under my belt without drinking was key.
As the days went on and added up, I was less inclined to drink and ruin what I had achieved.
So much so I was 5 years without a drink in Feb 2017.
Depression and alcohol is not the best combination - I know that myself.
Ha ve you thought about attending an AA meeting?
There are lots where you are.
I think if you can do 5 months, you can do it again.
With me, getting a few days under my belt without drinking was key.
As the days went on and added up, I was less inclined to drink and ruin what I had achieved.
So much so I was 5 years without a drink in Feb 2017.
Depression and alcohol is not the best combination - I know that myself.
Ha ve you thought about attending an AA meeting?
There are lots where you are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 22
thanks for your replies of positive encouragement.
i know i can do it.
what i find hard to deal with is the negative comments I get from friends etc.. "come on, one pint wont hurt", why aren't you drinking, don't be a bore etc... makes me feel like a leper...
i know i can do it.
what i find hard to deal with is the negative comments I get from friends etc.. "come on, one pint wont hurt", why aren't you drinking, don't be a bore etc... makes me feel like a leper...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi yorkshirebloke
I agree with the comments above - alcoholic or not you clearly have some issues with alcohol.
The only way I found to deal with my similar issues was to not drink at all.
In the end I'd rather lose a few pub mates than to keep sneaking drink around behind my wife's back.
D
I agree with the comments above - alcoholic or not you clearly have some issues with alcohol.
The only way I found to deal with my similar issues was to not drink at all.
In the end I'd rather lose a few pub mates than to keep sneaking drink around behind my wife's back.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 22
I do indeed have some issue with alcohol. i think i have an addictive personality. years ago my poison was over the counter co codamol.
My vision now is to get back on track, ditch the booze, and look to the future. When I was off it, i felt so much better and didn't really crave it too much. Being surrounded by alcohol on my recent holiday was too much pressure.....only a couple of beers wont hurt........ which then led to getting into bed each night in a drunken stupor! but then that's my fault for caving in.
I sat down and spoke to my wife about totally quitting last night. She supports this, but doesn't think I have a problem. She likes a drink, so maybe seeing me drinking makes her feel a bit better about herself?
We are also surrounded by good friends who drink heavily which makes it tricky.
My vision now is to get back on track, ditch the booze, and look to the future. When I was off it, i felt so much better and didn't really crave it too much. Being surrounded by alcohol on my recent holiday was too much pressure.....only a couple of beers wont hurt........ which then led to getting into bed each night in a drunken stupor! but then that's my fault for caving in.
I sat down and spoke to my wife about totally quitting last night. She supports this, but doesn't think I have a problem. She likes a drink, so maybe seeing me drinking makes her feel a bit better about herself?
We are also surrounded by good friends who drink heavily which makes it tricky.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome to SR!
I'm a guy, in my early 40's who has a bit of a problem with alcohol.
Stick around and read a lot. I think you may realize you've understated the issue.
Nothing wrong with that, it takes many of us a lot of time to realize how big alcohol has become in our lives.
I'm a guy, in my early 40's who has a bit of a problem with alcohol.
Stick around and read a lot. I think you may realize you've understated the issue.
Nothing wrong with that, it takes many of us a lot of time to realize how big alcohol has become in our lives.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
York,
Drinking....i venture binge drinking...is an addiction.
Imo...that is it. Don't sugar coat it. You are an addict.
Me too.
Now that this position is crystal clear...you might be in a frame of mind to fight your addiction and embrace sobriety.
We have crossed the line. Addict for life.
Thanks.
Drinking....i venture binge drinking...is an addiction.
Imo...that is it. Don't sugar coat it. You are an addict.
Me too.
Now that this position is crystal clear...you might be in a frame of mind to fight your addiction and embrace sobriety.
We have crossed the line. Addict for life.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by Yorkshirebloke 
thanks for your replies of positive encouragement.
i know i can do it.
what i find hard to deal with is the negative comments I get from friends etc.. "come on, one pint wont hurt", why aren't you drinking, don't be a bore etc... makes me feel like a leper...
i know i can do it.
what i find hard to deal with is the negative comments I get from friends etc.. "come on, one pint wont hurt", why aren't you drinking, don't be a bore etc... makes me feel like a leper...
I am 5 years now, but I still find the social part hard.
Its always 'come over and have a glass of wine' or 'don't worry its nearly wine o'clock.
I think I was more of a bore though when I drank to be honest though.
Talking utter rubbish, staggering about, repeating myself - thats no fun for anyone to put up with surely?
I hate as well how whenever something is achieved, being celebrated, or a bad day, 99% of the population see's that booze is the solution. Being in that 1% is not easy.
However - it does get better, I can assure you.
I became more comfortable with dealing with the not drinking outrage from normal drinkers.
I remember once saying to someone who was nattering me to drink 'I am not causing harm to anyone, I just want to drink diet coke, its no big deal'.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I forgot to mention too that or a number of years I was not sure what my label should be - heavy drinker, alcoholic, binge drinker, alcohol dependent, alcohol abuser.
All the time while I was trying to define myself, I carried on drinking.
I never moved forward or made progress.
I finally realised that the label did not matter.
The only thing that mattered was that alcohol made me and the people I loved unhappy and that was enough to stop drinking and sort myself out.
Here I am 5 years later!
All the time while I was trying to define myself, I carried on drinking.
I never moved forward or made progress.
I finally realised that the label did not matter.
The only thing that mattered was that alcohol made me and the people I loved unhappy and that was enough to stop drinking and sort myself out.
Here I am 5 years later!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by heartcore
Um, so what makes you think you're not an alcoholic?
Welcome.
Home.
Welcome.
Home.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 22
No posted on here for a while.
I 've not had a drink for 36 days and have been feeling great..............until...........I had a beer with my family yesterday. That one small beer turned into 6-7 cans of strong beer, 1/4 bottle of wine and 1/4 L rum(drunk out of a coffee mug in the garage away from my family)! Other than feeling SO hungover today I am utterly ashamed of myself. What the hell was I doing!
So, back to square 1 again!
I 've not had a drink for 36 days and have been feeling great..............until...........I had a beer with my family yesterday. That one small beer turned into 6-7 cans of strong beer, 1/4 bottle of wine and 1/4 L rum(drunk out of a coffee mug in the garage away from my family)! Other than feeling SO hungover today I am utterly ashamed of myself. What the hell was I doing!
So, back to square 1 again!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
hi yorkshirebloke
sorry you drank - but do you see now why it's the first drink that gets us in trouble not the last.
Took me too long to get that simple truth...it's the engine that gets you, not the caboose.
Planning on doing anything different this time?
D
sorry you drank - but do you see now why it's the first drink that gets us in trouble not the last.
Took me too long to get that simple truth...it's the engine that gets you, not the caboose.
Planning on doing anything different this time?
D
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Yorkshirebloke,
I'm glad you came back here to post. I think you've now also discovered that alcoholism is not really about the frequency, it's what alcohol does to you when you drink it.
You made a decision to stop and you managed to follow through for 36 days, don't take that lightly. That's a great achievement! Although you're starting over you didn't lose that time because you learned.
There's some great information on this board. Put a plan in place. Think about where you were in the moment when you picked up that first drink after that many days and decide what you're going to do so that doesn't happen next time.
You won't ever have to feel this way again.
I'm glad you came back here to post. I think you've now also discovered that alcoholism is not really about the frequency, it's what alcohol does to you when you drink it.
You made a decision to stop and you managed to follow through for 36 days, don't take that lightly. That's a great achievement! Although you're starting over you didn't lose that time because you learned.
There's some great information on this board. Put a plan in place. Think about where you were in the moment when you picked up that first drink after that many days and decide what you're going to do so that doesn't happen next time.
You won't ever have to feel this way again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 22
I plan to get right back on track! cant think today as my hangover is horrific.
I seem to get to a point, where I forget how bad alcohol makes me feel and how it traps me and entices me in. Its at that point, when i feel like a beer, when I think i'll be ok, that i need to focus more and stay well clear.
At this moment, I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol, never mind drink it for a while!
I seem to get to a point, where I forget how bad alcohol makes me feel and how it traps me and entices me in. Its at that point, when i feel like a beer, when I think i'll be ok, that i need to focus more and stay well clear.
At this moment, I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol, never mind drink it for a while!
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