Spacegoat

Ok so, this is embarrassing!

I'm not the atypical hoarder like that you may see on the telly. I am a collector of sorts, and was always good at saving.

But I just have way too much stuff man. And a lot of it is good stuff, which is the problem.

Bags upon bags of designer clothes for example. The best of kids toys also. Cd's, records, books etc…

Most of my stuff is not even here. But what I do have here is already too much, and a bit of a problem.

I don't know where to begin. I've always wanted to start an ebay shop but in reality, thats a lot of work.

And I can't even cope with day to day stuff. I'm a bit depressed right now and not sleeping very well.

It doesn't even seem like I'l have space to sort through it here which is obviously what I'l need to do.

Just bags and boxes of all random things. So how am I going to decide what's really useful and whats not?

And also what is worth a few bob and what isn't. I can't just be giving things away that I worked hard to buy.

Or can I? Expensive items though, when I already have little to nothing myself.

It's true what they say, 'the things you own end up owning you' in some ways.

I would love to just chuck it all and walk off into the sunset! Help me please

Winslow

Why not a big yard sale or Craig's list ,letgo or one of those other sales apps? I have the same issue but not too bad,one thing I do is donate the really good stuff to women and children shelters,a lot of them escape abusive homes with just the clothes on their backs,I figure something nice to wear can help boost their morale if even a little bit

Midwest1981

I gave a lot of stuff away. it felt great! / I did sell a few things on eBay but I found it wasn't worth the trouble. I would rather give it to someone I know who would use it then deal with eBay.

I need to do it again.

Centered3

Hugs, Spacegoat! We've all had embarrassing stuff happen. I've been there with the atypical hoarding.

The tv shows I think show the most extreme cases. Our type of hoarding probably would bore viewers as its not so exciting.

Been there. I tried to sell stuff, but it became a full time job with taking photos, looking up prices, calling resale shops, trying to figure out things like ebay, etc. I didn't have worthwhile stuff so it wasn't really worth putting the time in. I decided not to do Craig's List because I've heard too many bad experiences from it.

Sell it or let it go to Good Will or Salvation Army and learn the lesson. For me, my buying stuff was to fill the same hole that alcohol tried to fill. I hated all the stuff I bought and don't really miss it, although my mind sometimes tries to tell me that I do. ;-)

Don't keep stuff just because you spent a lot of your hard earned money on it, or else you'll never let the stuff go and it'll just take up space. Plus every time you see it, it will bring back all the shame.

Letting go of the stuff was easier than letting go of the shame--that I'm still working on.

Seeing that its a problem is a good first step. Now you need to take action to solve the problem. Take it from me, who spent way too long being overwhelmed by the problem, drowning in the problem, or staying paralyzed in the problem, beating myself up over it. Don't do that. Don't overthink it. Just do. Put on some energizing music and just start somewhere.

As I wrote above, I chose to not go that route. I had joined another fellowship, Debtor's Anonymous, because my spending, clutter and credit cards were becoming an addiction like alcohol. It's hard to explain to someone--it's an addiction you'd have to personally go through to understand. I don't even know if there's a forum here on SR for that addiction. There's a lot of shame in it. Anyways, my sponsor there told me that her sister had an ebay shop but she was retired and it was a full-time job of work.

I was very much like this, too, before I did my big book step work. It was hard enough for me to muster the energy to wash my face and brush my teeth due to depression/anxiety. Anytime I walked into a room full of clutter it literally sucked the energy and life out of me. Anytime I'd try to declutter, I'd end up in a big pile of stuff, with no idea what to do with any of it, it'd all overwhelm me, and I'd end up just crying and feeling completely defeated.

Have you seen a doctor to evaluate you for possible depression? What does your alcoholism recovery look like? Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further if I can help share my experience to help you.

You don't need much space. If you take it room by room, or even just shelf by shelf, or drawer by drawer, you won't need much. The most important thing I learned from the books I read, was to do just that.

It also helps to put like things in one pile and then sort.

Take it one bag at a time. One box at a time. Ask yourself these questions:
(1) Do I need this?
(2) Do I love it?
(3) Have I used this in the last 6 months?
(4) Do I have a duplicate of it?

This is something you're just gonna have to deal with. There are a few things I regret giving away, and I just have to live with the fact that I'll never be perfect at decluttering.

I don't know if you're a spiritual person or not, but after buying dozens of books on decluttering (actually I did find 1-2 useful, I can PM you the names if you want), I asked God/higher power to help me declutter. Basically the premise was, it cleared my mind to ask for help/pray, which enabled me to reach the healthy part inside of me to make decisions of what to keep or what to get rid of. I hope that makes sense.

I had to force myself to stop thinking about how much something cost. Then again for me, I had a ton of inexpensive things and not a lot of pricey things but the sum of it all I knew was a lot. Stuff I got as gifts that I never used, I did donate.

Another option would be to see if your town has a facebook garage sale group. Then plan to meet the buyer in a parking lot of a police station and have a friend go with you.

I've read that if you keep pricey stuff in your closet that you don't wear, it's time to let it go and "give it away to the universe" in the hopes that someone else who actually needs it and will find use for it, will use it.

It made me feel good intrinsically to know I was giving away clothes to the needy. There are various charities that take specific things. Dress for Success helps women in need to get back on their feet with interview and work clothes. My mother also helped me find a charity to donate my bridesmaid dresses to girls who couldn't afford prom dresses. I am in the middle of doing research to donate my wedding dress to a charity that makes burial outfits for babies who have died. Stuff I got as wedding gifts that I've never used and never plan to use I've just sort of thanked the giver in my thoughts, and donated them.

For a compulsive overspender/credit card debtor like me, that quote couldn't be more true. Sure it wouldn't have killed me like alcohol, but it completely killed my soul and made me nuts because I tried to stop and I didn't understand why I couldn't (Sounds like alcoholism, doesn't it?) I attempted suicide because I could not get a handle on all this crazy compulsive obsessive buying sh*t I didn't even want, like, or need. My alcoholic mind didn't just seek alcohol.

I know I'm being quite transparent here, but it is in the hopes of helping others.

I went through dozens of cycles of buying, then cutting up my cards, donating all my crap and decluttering, reading a ton of books on decluttering and simplifying my life, etc., only to have it return and worse each time. It's gotten about 90% better once I did the steps with a big book sponsor and brought God/my Higher Power into the process. Sorry I know you all must hate my saying that but it's just my truth and my experience.

I know. Getting rid of it is one, thing, but dealing with the root cause is another. My root cause was the alcoholic mind trying to fill the hole in the soul.

Please PM me if you want to discuss more.

entropy1964

I'm the opposite of you. I donate everything. And I don't buy much to begin with.

But maybe start with the stuff you know you don't want that isn't worth much. If its garbage, toss it. If its not, donate.

Then move on to the stuff that you can sell. Start with the best stuff, work your way down.

Just one step at a time. Nothing will happen if ya do nothing though.

MLD51

Thank you, centered. That gives me a lot of good ideas for the glut of stuff in my house. It's starting to be one of the biggest causes of anxiety for me. I want to sell my house and get a smaller one, because mine is way too big for me. There used to be four people living there, and now it's just me and my son, and he will be (hopefully!) gone off to college in 3 years. But when I look around at all the STUFF I just feel hopeless and anxious. This spring I'm going to get a dumpster and start doing the big sort. I know there's lots of stuff that can just be thrown away. Then I'll put some of it aside for a garage sale. They are a big deal in my town. Other items will be donated. It's embarrassing, but I have one entire bedroom devoted to storing stuff. I haven't needed or used any of it in a long time. I put it all in there thinking if I didn't use it, away it goes. So, away it will go.

I'm getting anxious just thinking about it right now...

Centered3

I'm glad my post helped. I wish others who had this problem as an addiction would come out of the wood works and discuss it on SR. It's not just alcohol and drugs.

It caused me the same kind of anxiety that drinking did. Even more so, in a way, because it didn't make any sense and I didn't realize it came from the same problem that my problem with alcohol came from.

I realize I wrote my post as a person addicted to stuff, but even for a person not addicted to stuff to fill a void, decluttering is still very anxiety provoking.

I know the exact feeling of looking around, seeing all the STUFF and feeling hopeless and anxious.

That's a good idea. I did mine more in car trips back and forth to Good Will and Salvation Army instead of getting a dumpster, but I've heard of people doing that, too.

Garage sales are great ideas too. I did pretty well with one.

Many people I've heard have an entire room for "stuff". It's kinda like the junk drawer that grows into a room. Or their basement or attic is full of "stuff".

Don't let it get your anxious although I know it's easier said than done. It's just stuff. Don't give it power over how you feel. Think of how free you will feel once you get rid of it and downsize.

MLD51

Thanks again. I don't think I'm addicted to the stuff, I think I just let it get away from me when I was still drinking and now there it all is. Most of it isn't even mine, but my kids's and my ex-husband's, and stuff I inherited and didn't really want. I need to tell them to come get it or away it goes. Plus, I have very little help around my house now that I'm divorced. My house looks like a junk pile a lot of the time because I just don't have space for all of it to be put away in an organized manner. I don't want people to see it. Maybe a professional organizer?? I just had that thought and I like it.

Centered3

Frickaflip's post here reminded me that I met people in Debtor's Anonymous who had the opposite problem--the other side of the coin. They were "paupers".

I had some instances where after getting rid of a lot of stuff, I had very little and then obsessed about minimalism. That didn't work for me at the time because I wasn't solving the root problem with the right solution. Having so little led me to feel "empty" which led me to buy more stuff to fill it all up again, which just restarted the cycle.

Again I am coming from a place where this was an addiction, and just not your run of the mill cluttering and decluttering but I thought I'd put it out there in the hopes to help others.

Also FWIW, many people with clutter/spending addictions have food addictions too. A smaller percentage had alcohol addiction and an even smaller percentage had alcohol and drug addiction, etc.

I'm sure most people reading this don't have an addiction but just have "sprees" while dealing with their alcohol addiction, but in case there's someone reading this with clutter, accumulating, spending, debting issues I thought I'd put it out there. It could also be a transfer of addiction when giving up alcohol.

Getting back to the clutter for a second--a lot of what I read said to not keep stuff in case you might need it some day. This is not a black and white rule, though. Don't get rid of everything but be judicious.

sobersolstice

Hi Spacegoat,

I'm kind of a mess right now; detox, but I've had moments where I've lost jobs due to drinking and was glad I held onto outdoor gear, golfshirts, etc., Some, I'd never opened or used. I didn't open an ebay store, but learned some good ways to sell on ebay just to keep the rent paid. It took about an hour to learn the basics and register. I think it's fun; especially when you sell things for more than you bought them for. I gave away the rest to goodwill.

I still keep old sentimental clothes and things with holes I just wear solo around the house.

canguy

'I don't know if you're a spiritual person or not, but after buying dozens of books on decluttering (actually I did find 1-2 useful'

...well I did kind of laugh.

But the point is there. Why not sell a whole lot of bits and buy yourself one big thing? The to die for thing.....the designer dress, the fabulous piece. Whatever it is you really love. What you always wanted.....but could never etc etc

Centered3

The other interesting thing about my stuff/clutter issue, is that I grew up in a home with an extremely clutter-free house. It was almost sterile. It was opposite all the chaos, calamity, and drama that was actually going on. It was a facade.

I just think that being a child of alcoholics (untreated/dry or whatever the PC word is) made me feel empty because my parents were extremely narcissistic and extremely self-absorbed. Stuff for me was a false way of filling the void.

I'm really curious if others had similar experience.

Spacegoat I apologize if I'm posting too much on your thread or if this wasn't the type of stuff you were looking for. I'll post resources for you and others shortly.

StartingOverNW

Hi Spacegoat - Can I make a suggestion? Sometimes when you look at a task and look at it in its entirety it can be overwhelming, eg 'I want to create an ebay shop to sell this mountain of stuff', but if you can break it down a little and pick one small part of it to start with, and successfully complete that small part, it can help you ease into continuing with the task with less stress.

So I'd like to suggest instead of thinking of it as starting an ebay shop, why not have the goal of just putting 1 item on ebay and selling it. It could help you break the ice with the entire process without it being overwhelming, and going through that process could help you learn a lot or maybe even most of what you'd need to learn to start an ebay shop (at some point). At that point you can re-evaluate what to do next (eg put a couple more items up for sale, or start the shop or whatever realistic-sized task seems like a good next step). Sometimes just picking a small step can help break the mental ice/logjam in moving forward with the bigger task. I use this mental trick a lot when I face similar overwhelming things on my plate.

Just some thoughts, since you asked for help. Good luck!!!

Centered3

Thanks for laughing at my addiction that I just poured my heart and soul out to on an internet forum.

Anna

Give it away.

Women's Shelters would love the clothing - designer or not. They would also love the toys for children. Give it away, clear out your space and begin a new, clutter-free life.

Centered3

Resources that helped me with my clutter/stuff issue:

1) Link: Debtors Anonymous | Meetings, Support Groups, & Programs
2) The Joy of Less, by Francine Jay (ignore the part of what she says to do with your cat)
3) Books and blog by Joshua Becker
4) Books and blog by Courtney Carver, including her Project 333 to declutter clothing
5) Books and blog by Leo Babauta
6) Clutter Busting: Letting go of what's holding you back, by Brooks Palmer
7) Clear Your Clutter with Feung Shui, by Karen Kingston (I didn't follow the Feung Shui principles because that's not my thing, but the book overall helps with decluttering)

Hope this helps.

Centered3

I'm glad it's not an addiction for you. :-)

I do agree with boxing things up and asking your kid's or ex-husband to come and get it. Give them a deadline. Your house is not a storage container.

You'll feel so much better and in more control as you declutter. Just think how great it'll be when you can put your feet up, look around, and let out a big sigh of relief. It'll feel peaceful.

I swallowed my pride and hired a professional organizer once. It was helpful but expensive. The one thing to be careful with professional organizers is this: they are in the business of making sure you keep stuff and then organizing all your stuff. They're not necessarily about decluttering.

I made it clear to mine that I wanted to declutter first, and then organize what was left. So mine helped me declutter and then find "homes" for everything which helped me a lot. So just make sure you're hiring someone who will help you get rid of stuff, vs help you spend more money for 60 gallon rubbermaid totes or other organizing nonsense to contain all your stuff because that's a big waste of money.

canguy

Not laughing at you at all......I tried to suggest a really luxe solution....

ebay sucks.....it's for buyers. As a seller you don't get what the lead buyer is prepared to pay.....just whatever is a little above the current bid when it closes.

I've hurt your feelings, made it hard to be honest here for you. My apologies.

Gilmer

Spacegoat, for the expensive designer clothes, you can check to see if your town has a consignment store.

You would recoup at least some of what you paid--and sometimes quite a bit.

Kaily

Im not a hoarder but I could happily fill my emotional void with dogs or other animals, luckily I don't anymore but at one point I had 2 horses, 3 dogs and a cat!
I still have to be careful not to look at websites that sell animals as I do get tempted but happily for now I have just 2 dogs who are my best friends.