ReadyAtLast

Glad you're here with us Snarly. You don't have to do this alone.

Ooona

Great job snarly!

Yeah this is going to take every bit of your resolve and continued commitment but YOU CAN DO IT! For me the first month was one of just healing and I also had the night sweats and sleep issues and when I would try to sleep my head would start shaking and I had imaginary itching sensations all over my body. Gosh that was awful. By the second month though, all of that was in the past but I keep it in the forefront of my mind, I dont EVER want to go through that again.

Stay close to us here and let us know whats going on. Let us help you through!

Mountainmanbob

Yes to all of the above.
Taking care of yourself and staying sober are of most importance.
Put a do not disturb sign on your door and leave phone off for now.

You had some success in the past with AA.
As you know the rooms are still there.

Good luck,
M-Bob

Snarly

Snarly here just checking in.

Made it through the night. Not sure how much I actually slept but woke up feeling like I had a hangover! Fuzzy head, blurry eyes, and no energy.

Thankfully I did nothing stupid...no answering door, no phone calls, no IM, and most importantly no drinking.....

I really admire those that are going through these first few days having to go to work and/or support the daily tasks of raising a family.
At the moment I am self employed so I am taking time off and the court took my kids away.

Now I have an overwhelming need to get organized.

I just started one of my least favorite projects - going through the mountain of paperwork/letters that need to sorted and shredded.

Next is my refrigerator and microwave - ugggh

Thanks again,
Snarly

Darwinia

Interesting post. You are a marine. This is another fight you can win. Good luck.

VirginiaWoof

Oh, I am sooo with you on that. I hate organising paperwork etc. But the satisfaction you feel when you've done it will be such a buzz.

Good for you 'ignoring' everyone else. You have to concentrate on you at the moment.

Snarly

Finally felt up to leaving my condo to run a couple of errands.

Ran into a couple of people I know and managed to be polite but no details. I made it brief and left quickly. I feel relieved and am back home .

I just realized how much money I have spent on alcohol and related stuff. Ouch!

Also, I can't believe how much of what I spent was for my drinking buddies.... no wonder they keep knocking.

Has my brain really been this ignorant? Maybe my desire to have others around was why I kept a stocked bar?

My head is looking for any reason to panic, obsess, or whatever over the slightest issue right now.
Lost glasses? agh need to get to eye Doc NOW! Nope found other pair.
DMV registration expired? can't drive! Oh DMV is open and really don't need to drive anywhere for a few days.
etc...

Anyone else have this issue?

Snarly

Dee74

I was really too ill to worry about too much else Snarly. That was probably a blessing in a way I guess.

I think it's really good you're thinking these panics through and 'short circuiting' them tho

D

Snarly

D....you know what my first thought was when I read your response? Oh sh+t I'm overdoing it and setting myself to fail!!!!

I wonder if their is a boot camp for sobriety... Drill Instructor saying give me 40 if you even look at that beer!

Crazy is as crazy does..

Snarly

Dee74

I think a lot of us try to get back to normal as soon as we can - and sometimes yeah we overdo it.

I think we all inevitably find a balance eventually tho - don't start over thinking overthinking lol

D

uncorked

Hi Snarly, welcome. I agree with the other posters who advised you to keep your phone off and your door locked. I am concerned about you, though. I'm no doctor, but do you think you might have PTSD? That kind of anxiety can make people reach for the bottle. Could you see a doctor who specializes in both that and maybe alcohol dependency? The two kinda go hand in hand. I'm sure you want to see your kids again, and getting medical treatment and/or counseling might help you get there. If the court sees you are actively seeking treatment, it will go a long way. And what about AA? You said it helped you in the past. Why not go back? There are many people willing to help, you just need to reach out and make a call or two. THESE are the kind of people you need support from right now, not your well-meaning but alcohol-addled friends. Please keep posting here, there's always someone around who's going through the same thing. Take care.

Snarly

This is out of "you can't make this up"

I go out to my car to get my registration stuff to make sure I have everything I need to go to DMV in the morning (taking the Harley).
Did I mention most of my drinking buddies are biker types?

This big truck driver guy lives across the street comes up to me and says "where you been? You OK? I saw you drop your bike a couple weeks ago".

Me; "I'm ok foots messed up, been busy, thanks for asking."
Go about finding my papers. (Yes a few of us were drinking working on our bikes).

He says....."so you want to go to a meeting?" ???

Me: what?

He: I've been watching you and your boys...just a matter of time. You find a meeting and I'll take you.

I hit my head on the car door.

Last guy I would have thought.

Unbelievable!

Snarly

Snarly

Thanks Uncorked.

A couple of other members said the same about PTSD. That has been on my mind for a number of years.

I did get some treatment after 9/11 but they put me valium and tried a few anti-depressants.

These left me feeling empty and acting like I was a puppet......sleep, work, play Dad, rinse.... repeat.

Wife was frustrated because...left me with no sex drive (nasty side effect!) Mentioned this to the Doc..guess what? Little blue pill. If you have never taken them, the commercials are BS.

So, I just stopped taking everything and eventually started controlled drinking.

I am committed to staying sober. Once I feel somewhat stable I will pursue a medication free way to address potential PTSD.

Thanks for making me remember this as I most likely would not have brought it up.

Also, I think one of the reasons I am having such a hard time is most prior military tend to form strong friendships ie band of brothers... not a "pack" but we share some strong experiences that allow us to interact without having to go into sordid details. So, I am not the pack leader, more of the Gunny Sergeant.

Snarly

Snarly

Sooooooo.....anyone guess why my username is Snarly?

A while back I was doing some mods on my Harley and cut my hand pretty bad and someone went to help me and I snapped at them...more of a snarl....

Harley + Snarl = Snarly

(better than HarleyQuinn)

Snarly was born!

And yes... I am spending way to much time on this forum... better here than any alternatives.

This forum is better than PS3 or TV to keep my mind active.

PS....can someone please explain forum etiquette...
I started this thread and look forward to feedback from those that have provided some great advice.
I also posted to the September Class and have also gotten some great feedback.
Do I post the same to both or do I stay with one or the other?

Thanks!
Snarly (I think its better this way cause I'm the one who needs the virtual smack to remember booze = bad stuff will happen

Snarly

The hour I have been dreading; tomorrow 9/28 is my real Birthday.
I am going to stay right here.

Bdays tend to be a big bash (also a reason I have been avoiding people..)

I just started sweating as I typed this.

Snarly

Dee74

My best birthdays have been sober ones Snarly

D

Snarly

How f+cked up I am to alone on my Birthday.

Oh man, I am losing it! Crying like a baby....I HATE this.

No kids, friends, - usually there is a count down to midnight.

nothing....me sitting at my desk typing

I got rid of ALL booze today knowing this was going to be something..not sure how I was going to react. Now I know

uncorked

Hi Snarly, happy birthday!!! I'm guessing you're on Eastern time. I celebrated my bday Sep 13 and was sober for the first time in I don't know how many years.

Truck driver dude asking you to a meeting....that was a gift from the universe! Go with him!

I'm sure civilian life is much different than your Marine days. (Many thanks for your service, by the way.) Hard to adjust. You don't have to tuck in the corners of your sheets now, haha.

You ever hear of Brain Paint? They used it in the rehab I went to. Basically, you take this test and it reveals what pathways of the brain (alpha waves, beta waves, etc) you need help with. Then they attach these little electrodes to your head and ears and watch the computer. It's neurofeedback/biofeedback. I really think it could be useful in your quest for drug-free help with PTSD and drinking. I looked and there is a practitioner in NYC. PM me if you want more info.

Dee74

Being surrounded by syncophants is overrated too Snarly.
Do something nice for yourself today - doesn't have to be big or grand.

Happy Birthday

D

Snarly

My brain is on a roll.

I know the reason I am sitting here alone is my fault.

I never denied that - nor did I make any effort to say that aloud to those that I have hurt.

My girls don't deserve this. Birthdays (anyones) are their absolute favorite thing. This must be tearing them apart, and my ex is the who will bear the full force of their reactions.

Worse, I can't reach out to them - they can't talk to me either (restraining order went both ways).

I don't hate my ex - she was the one pushed for divorce and even had one of my best friends move in...hence the drama that caused the court and child services to get involved.

I respect that she is a great mother and will do the best for the girls. But she really hates me.

Here's me venting - actually making me take a really hard and true look at my actions and just as important my inactions.

This is why I need to get sober.... I wouldn't be honest with myself drinking .

Thank God I came across this site. What a workshop the last 2 days have been. Truly

Thanks - for just being there in cyber ???? Anonymity at its best.

There is no one I could have talked to about any of this.

Just putting it in writing and then reading my posts with your all responses has allowed me to (over)analyse my actions and the depth of their consequences.

Snarly