MIRecovery

7 years sobriety, 4 years on SR, 6000+ posts hopefully gives me a little bit of credibility.

If you are new to sobriety please please please stay away drinking situations. Receptions, concerts, parties what ever. Not everyone that goes to these events drink but a dangerously high percentage do. I can not count the number of people who post about going to a drinking event, people with some sobriety tell them it is not recommended, they argue that they can handle it, they go and are never heard from again.

All I can say is I have seen a lot more failure than success. If you want to play the odds not going is a much safer bet

shockozulu

I was on my way to start this thread and see you've beat me to it and wrote it better than I could have as well

Other tips that helped me if I am planing on going out to a place when I know I may falter:

-Make a mental plan (and keep to it) to call a sober acquaintance or friend every hour from outside or the restroom.

-Go late and leave early

-take myself. If not, have a plan to leave with the person who generally leaves the earliest

-Let others know I'm not drinking tonight if they don't already know

Anyone else want to add what helped them?

MIRecovery

Excellent ideas once we have our sober legs under us but in the beginning you can't drink at the party if you don't go to the party

shockozulu

Agreed. I am more thinking along the lines of being the Father of the bride, not a rock concert I can chose not to attend. Hell even as sibling to the bride I chose not to go to the reception and my decision was fully accepted by those that knew me

MLD51

I stayed away from all situations like that for quite a while. Even now, if I'm feeling rocky, I don't go. And yes, I always have a plan. If I'm going to someone's house for a party, I bring my own non-alcoholic drink. Unless I'm going to a place where I know they all know and have stocked what I like. I always drive myself. I tell people I'll be leaving early. I haven't had any issues, but that doesn't mean I ever let my guard down.

TRG

Sound advice. I passed on this big annual party this summer (at around 6 months sober), I wasn't really sure if I could handle it.

I quit smoking 5 or 6 years ago, and it really took a good 2 years before I could be around smokers without feeling that urge.

Upward2Enlightenment

Another thing to remember is situational awareness. It is easy to be distracted, talking / joking or whatever, and get handed or accidently pick up an alcoholic drink.

Venecia

I'd just say that even if you've been sober a while, don't go to an event if you cannot craft a reliable exit strategy in advance.

Almost every year, I get together with my college roommates for a weekend. In 2014, it was set to coincide with my first anniversary of sobriety. I didn't go. Even with a year under my belt, I didn't want to be in a situation where there was plentiful booze and I had no exit

Treat your sobriety like a precious possession. Which it is. You'll never regret it.

Mountainmanbob

Seen that happen over and over again. Actually I was also one of those unfortunate ones a couple of times. Today I see no need to test the waters.

Sobriety is precious.

M-Bob

Lightning Bug

I couldn't handle going out to drinking establishments. It is bad enough I have to deal with my husband drinking at home every night.

Helping other people helps me.

SoberLifeForMe

Parties and social outings have never been my issue. In fact, I didn't drink at them often at all (especially weddings), and if I did, it was one or two drinks. My friends never pressured me to drink and if I told them that I wasn't drinking at an event, they would just go about their business. Looking back, I'm actually amazed at how little others care if we're drinking or not.

I think that not drinking at social outings was one of my methods of attempting to hide my habit. If people didn't see me overindulging in public, then I didn't have a problem, right? So, I would wait until I got home and then go berserk on the booze, just like most nights. The only person I was fooling was myself.

I get the whole avoiding social outings with alcohol and I think it's sound advice. Unfortunately for me, being at home where I was free from the watchful eyes of friends and extended family was always my downfall.

Lightning Bug

I get it. I did my worst drinking riding the couch by myself after everyone was in bed.

Windancer

Thanks so much for the very wise advice, MIRecovery
And thanks again for yet another fabulous post. Your presence and input here on SR is certainly valued and appreciated.
I will recall this post next time I'm invited or temped to go to one of these dangerous (for alcoholics) events early in my Recovery.

MythOfSisyphus

Good advice, MIR. I avoid the "drinking scene" for lots of reasons. I guess the main one is that it's not my scene anymore. You wouldn't go to a theater if you didn't want to see a movie so why go to a place where drinking will be the centerpiece of the evening if you don't want to drink? I don't really enjoy the company of drunk either now that I'm sober.

But the last reason is that I don't want to tempt fate. Sobriety has become my 'new normal' and the default way I live my life. Still, I'd be lying if I said the Beast has been slain. It's not dead, just chained and caged. Make no mistake, I'm not opening the door! But the AV/Beast will always be there, dormant, just underneath the surface. If good fences make good neighbors than avoiding places and situations that focus on drinking make good sober people.

Remember the old joke- I can resist anything except temptation!

azure808

This has been playing on my mind as I know these scenarios are upcoming. Rock concerts especially. I went to one sober before and it was bittersweet. I was climbing the walls with envy yet I took more in as I wasn't out my face.
I may decide not to go to them for a while. Red Hot Chilli Peppers coming up I am already worried and it's not til December. Great pointers here though folks. It's a HUGE drinking culture in my part of the world and this city in particular.

RedAndy

I'm definitely in the ditch it camp - anxiety kicks in immediately for yours truly in the few situations I have been in over the past 10 months and that has been less than a handful of times - no fun feeling like that at all and putting yourself under unnecessary pressure - life has changed it has to if you truly want to make this work.

Cancelled plenty of business trips / holidays and just simply avoided things and for the few I felt I had to attend had an escape plan if things got too much which they did on 2 of 3 occasions - there's no fun at all putting pressure on yourself, my view is I keep playing with fire I will end up getting burned.

Board meeting for next month has been declined - trip abroad which is nothing more than a 3 day bender with a meeting thrown in - not a chance I can put myself out there - colleagues know how much of a liability I can be and not really done very well at hiding it so it is easier for me to stand up and say why I can't go and where I am upto - fortunate that people are pretty understanding and no pressure - to be honest tho even if there was they would be told where to go, my sobriety comes first, altho it does feel like missing out and cutting yourself off I don't want the out of control idiot back and neither does anyone else for that matter.

Dee74

Honestly the few things I passed on - I can;t even remember what they were, ten years on - they don't matter a whit...

but I can trace my recovery back to that decision to put my recovery first

D

Darwinia

I agree. I have been trying to live my life like before and go to socials. It's not working. I did not drink but I hated being there mostly. It creates resentment which I can do without. Staying away from people generally is good for me. I have to deal with people at work but that is ok, I never drank during the day. It's outside work that I need to be alone.

Soberwolf

Congratulations & Thank you Mir

MIRecovery

I have met a few sober people in my journey who seem to be immune to drinking situations. They have been sober long enough and I know them well enough to believe them. Somehow they seem to be fine.

I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. Even today I evaluate my motives for being around alcohol, I have an escape plan, I bring someone who knows I'm in recovery, I will be present until I'm not, I couldn't care less what people think about me exiting early, I bring my own drinks, I have multiple people I can call, I am prepared with responses if people push me to drink. Every scenario has been thought out and a plan crafted for each. All of this at 7 years of sobriety. When I go into the lions den it is highly unlikely that I will be eaten and that is because I have taken every precaution,

Again the only way to be 100% positive is not go into the lions den at all