MIRecovery

Every part of the world is a huge drinking culture when we surround ourselves with people that drink and go to places where drinking is ingrained into the event. Unfortunately your post is exactly the type of post I am referring to. We have to be prepared to walk away from our old lives and build a new one. If we don't the chances of us drinking increases exponentially

MIRecovery

I swear this thread should be a sticky note because it is such a common topic. What prompted me to write it was looking at my friends list and wondering what happened to them. One in particular hurt because of the scenario address in the post. Supposedly had to go to a reception, were active on SR, were advised against it, went and were never heard from again. Sad, so very sad

jazzfish

Or they come back, admitting they drank, but THIS time they have really learned the lesson...and then disappear. It's sad because I know (from experience) that it could be years before they get back around to trying to get sober again.

As I like to say, any sobriety plan that ends with the words "wish me luck" needs more work.

tomsteve

11 years in and i walked into a party store yesterday to grab a soda. just happened to glance at the beer fridge as i was walkin by and starin at me was ice cold budweiser. i have no idea why,"ooo, tasty!!" popped into my head, but it did.
im very glad my memory wasnt completely destroyed and i know that if i let that ,"oooh, tasty!" thought control my actions, the time it takes for a drink to get from my lips to my stomach, my past will become my future.
and i kept on walkin.

bexxed

Thanks. This is true. We've seen a couple disappear in our August 16 class this way. I can only imagine how many over four years.

MIRecovery

That is my problem as well. I seldom think about drinking but the thoughts come at the the most unexpected times. I simply can not predict them. So if an unexpected urge happened and I am in a drink situation it am at a higher level of risk. I play the odds and choose to minimize my exposure

uncorked

This is a great thread. I will have a year's sobriety in a month (how did that happen??) and I have yet to test my resolve at a party/social event. I've turned down many invitations, but that's ok right now. While I find staying sober pretty easy on a day to day basis, I'm not sure how I would fare in an open bar situation.

CajunPrincess

Thanks for this post.

I was actually planning on going to a festival/music thing in a couple weeks because one of my favorite country artist was going to be playing, and I was really concerned because I knew there would be lots of alcohol there, especially beer.
Long story short, I realized today that I wasn't going to be able to go because I had swapped that day with a coworker so that I would be able to go to one of my favorite band's last shows... and the venue that band is playing at serves NO alcohol and I've been there for shows plenty of times while sober.
Just really relieved that I don't have to figure out if I'm going to the festival or not... definitely not now since obviously will be working,

Time2Rise

Very good advice MIR.

I've been there done that, but I never left SR. This time around I've vowed to put my sobriety first and do whatever it takes to stay sober, and that has included giving up seemingly importent events and trips where alcohol would be prevalent.

I'm no longer willing to put myself in any situation where I might possibly be tempted. Staying sober is too important.

LBrain

yep, it is a shame how the thought process works for those trying to stop, to overcome and addiction...
How many times have you advised a 'newbie' against attending an event and got the "you don't understand, I have to go" reply?

You do NOT have to go to anything that may challenge your ability to stay sober. You don't.

And like Dee sez, 10 years later, I won't remember those things I missed...

Deleteda

Great thread, also it can be possible to make it through that particular night/event sober but it then sets off a trigger for the next day, week or anytime soon after. I've definitely found that I can pretty easily make it through the actual event sober but then relapse within a relatively short time. I've made a decision that I'm not going anywhere that alcohol is served, I'm even going to avoid shops that it is on sale in.
Peace X

MIRecovery

This is weird but so true. There is a delayed reaction to drinking events. So many drink very shortly after attending. I know for myself I feel off for a day or two after a lot of exposure to alcohol. Hard to explain but I just don't feel as good as I normally do

entropy1964

I've sober for periods of time in the past. I have been able to be around drinkers and not be triggered. But my feeling is, at this point, why risk it? I guess the good news is, I don't really have any friends so that makes not being around booze easy. The friends I'm trying to make now are all in AA. I've decided that surrounding myself with people in recovery is the only way for me. I'm not normal. I need to be understood by my peers. That's where I fit in. Period.

August252015

I've read through this thread several times and thought about my contribution.

At 7mo tomorrow, I still keep my circle small. And my activities controlled. I just don't spend time with anyone who is not 100% supportive of my sobriety, and I don't go anywhere that could bother me. If something does, unexpectedly, I leave; always gracious and polite, but I just don't do it. Selfish? No way. I work in a restaurant and go out to eat plenty; at first I only did this with my parents (my mom is a recovered alcoholic and my dad doesn't drink much), just because I kept an even smaller circle. By now, I've widened my friends back up- asking back the good people I "lost" somehow along the way, and they know I'm sober. My boyfriend and I go out to eat often, but he's in recovery too so it's not an issue.

It's not exactly that I don't think i'll ever be tempted- I pray daily that I never will - it's just that I have created a life that simply doesn't allow for the bad, through my choices about who/what/when/where and most importantly....HOW I live, thanks to a really hard program.

I cringe when I read people justifying or talking themselves into any kind of dangerous situation- and for some of us, that means anywhere there is alcohol, for others it means certain places or things they used to do while drinking ... To me, there is no single thing we truly have to attend or participate in. Perhaps I am ruthless, but there is no room in my life for choosing risk. Whatever it means, my sobriety comes at any cost and I am thrilled and grateful for that way of living.

MIRecovery

Ruthless no, guarding your life yes. If I had a fatal allergy to peanuts and was invited to an event where peanuts were re everywhere I wouldn't go and I could careless who's feathers got ruffled including my own. Alcohol wants use dead and I don't have to make it easier than it is

freshstart57

I think many, even most, who have failed at this would have failed even if they did not attend that party, concert, dinner or celebration. It would have been a neighbour offering a beer, an offer of a free sample at a product promotion, an eye catching advertisement, a poster in a store window. The question of drinking again for them is not a yes or no, it's on a graded continuum. Well, just one, what could that hurt?

What is missing for many is that decision, that covenant, that turns sobriety into an all or nothing. For me, to drink again, even just that one shot, beer, or glass of wine, would be to trade my life, my mental and physical health, my family and marriage, my job, the whole shebang. When I look at it like that, it makes the decision very simple. There are no shades of grey.

I don't go on wine tours or to any event where consuming alcohol is the primary activity, but I don't deny myself the pleasures of good food and good company, or even activities I used to do while heavily intoxicated. I spent decades imprisoned by alcohol, unable to drive or unwilling to trade 'my time' with my bottle. Now, I refuse to be imprisoned by my sobriety, living in fear of my own frailty. I don't have a fatal allergy to alcohol, but I do have an unconditional unchangeable vow to never again consume it.

Life is to be lived and lived well. And that is my view.

LBrain

I'm in agreement Freshstart...
Yesterday I actually hooked up the beer taps at a picnic for the host, spent the entire afternoon with folks drinking and in various stages of inebriation drinking - you name it. There were also other sober people at this party. And those who couldn't care less if they had two drinks. I wasn't tempted nor was I concerned one bit for my sobriety. I don't drink.

But I do believe that for those very early in the process, those who do not have a good foundation or 'sober legs', it is best for them to steer clear of events that would tempt them. When I first got sober, I avoided some events because I knew I wasn't 'ready' yet.

Lightning Bug

I believe we have to build the strength and power within ourselves to be strong in our recovery no matter where we may be or what substances we are around. We can't hide from life. If we are strong we can take anything.

MIRecovery

But it would not have been that time and the more times you can dodge the bullet the more ingrained your sobriety becomes. I can only speak for myself but I went to a drinking situation before I was ready and had a panic attack instead of drinking but I was on a razor's edge. I had absolutely no business being where I was. I never made a big plan, never completely gave up the idea of alcohol but nonetheless I didn't drink and over time sobriety became a way of life.

I have tried a big plan and was even invited by Jack Trimpey to be on national TV with him although it never happened with me or anyone else. The concept of a big plan is wonderful and I totally embrace it if you can pull it off. I couldn't, not because of the program but I was broken in too many different ways. Some of those things had to get fixed before I could see that commitment to total abstinence was the only real solution. The fundamental concepts of RR do and did play a key roll in my sobriety

Dee74

My recovery was no instant decision, no immediate change (although I respect it may have been that way for others).

I was a damaged unit...I had to renew and repair and then grow a little.

Early on, I was very cautious about the things I did and who I did them with.

I think that's one of the reasons I'm still here today.

I had to work up to my current level of Titanium shielding

D