How did you hide your drink problem?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 21
How did you hide your drink problem?
My mother-in-law will not admit she has a drink problem and it is progressively getting worse.
For years I believe she would only drink to be social but something is telling me she has been extremely clever and have been able to hide it well but after spending a weekend away with her I can see she has been drunk constantly for 5 days and will not eat her food.
At the airport both ways they stopped her for carrying liquids and on the return I am convinced there was vodka in a baby lotion bottle they took off her.
As strange as it is, for me to ask - my problem with alcohol is - I don't know when to stop when I start but I can leave it alone until the next binge, therefore I want to know what lengths she will go to hide this and what else I should be looking out for?
For years I believe she would only drink to be social but something is telling me she has been extremely clever and have been able to hide it well but after spending a weekend away with her I can see she has been drunk constantly for 5 days and will not eat her food.
At the airport both ways they stopped her for carrying liquids and on the return I am convinced there was vodka in a baby lotion bottle they took off her.
As strange as it is, for me to ask - my problem with alcohol is - I don't know when to stop when I start but I can leave it alone until the next binge, therefore I want to know what lengths she will go to hide this and what else I should be looking out for?
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Originally Posted by Applejack 
...therefore I want to know what lengths she will go to hide this and what else I should be looking out for?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Hi
I don't know your own situation but if you're trying to get sober, that might be something that you need to focus all of your efforts on rather than trying to help your mother in law at this point. I know that I'm no use to anyone when I'm using and I had to save myself before putting that energy into helping others, especially such a close family member as a mother in law.
I can only answer your question as I'd answer it myself: almost any lengths!
I don't know your own situation but if you're trying to get sober, that might be something that you need to focus all of your efforts on rather than trying to help your mother in law at this point. I know that I'm no use to anyone when I'm using and I had to save myself before putting that energy into helping others, especially such a close family member as a mother in law.
I can only answer your question as I'd answer it myself: almost any lengths!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
I use to hide bottles around the house, would take a couple shots when I told my GF at the time I was just getting another beer, etc,.. The thing is when it comes to us alcoholics, we will do whatever it takes to get our booze. I think talking to her about her problem, and that you have one as well would be the best route. Maybe you can both attend AA or another route together.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
It is a tough one because denial is a major part of a drinking problem.
Perhaps you can recognise a drinking problem because you share one.
Having said that, we can be quite defensive if approached about our drinking.
I guess you could open up about your own drinking problems and let her know what you are doing to address it. ......and if she doesn't want to talk; respect that fact.
Perhaps you can recognise a drinking problem because you share one.
Having said that, we can be quite defensive if approached about our drinking.
I guess you could open up about your own drinking problems and let her know what you are doing to address it. ......and if she doesn't want to talk; respect that fact.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Applejack
therefore I want to know what lengths she will go to hide this and what else I should be looking out for?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
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I understand you care, but in my opinion, policing your mother-in-law all the time is not helpful. If she wants to drink, she will drink. She will need to make a decision to stop drinking when she is ready to.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
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Originally Posted by Anna
I understand you care, but in my opinion, policing your mother-in-law all the time is not helpful. If she wants to drink, she will drink. She will need to make a decision to stop drinking when she is ready to.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
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I agree with all the others - if she feels watched or policed, she is just going to do what she does anyway - just more sneaky and likely more dangerously. Focus on you. All of us get to the brink on our own. No one on the planet can make us see us for who we are. It begins right here at home.
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Join Date: May 2016
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Darn. I really though this was going to be a hilarious thread about all the ways we thought we were unique and "clever" in hiding our drinking.
Below the bathroom sink was my favorite. I could pretend to be going to the bathroom and sit in there and drink. Bathroom in general was a good place, even behind the toilet in the tank there.
Laundry hampers, drawers, closets in my room were a close second. Places out of sight but easily reachable.
All that being said... why even bother? It's out of your control. If you find something, you can confront her, she'll blame you for snooping, a fight will ensue.... nothing will change. Not until she wants to change herself.
Pointless endeavor in my humble alky opinion.
Below the bathroom sink was my favorite. I could pretend to be going to the bathroom and sit in there and drink. Bathroom in general was a good place, even behind the toilet in the tank there.
Laundry hampers, drawers, closets in my room were a close second. Places out of sight but easily reachable.
All that being said... why even bother? It's out of your control. If you find something, you can confront her, she'll blame you for snooping, a fight will ensue.... nothing will change. Not until she wants to change herself.
Pointless endeavor in my humble alky opinion.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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If she's anything like me she'll go to any lengths Applejack - ridiculous lengths even, if she feels cornered.
Have you considered something like AlAnon for yourself at all?
what does your spouse think?
D
Have you considered something like AlAnon for yourself at all?
what does your spouse think?
D
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Agree with what most others said.
Focus on your own sobriety.
What they say in Alanon, or if you visit the F&F forum on here, they say:
"We can't control it, we can't cure, and we didn't cause it" something to that effect.
You should know yourself the only way anyone could have gotten you sober is no way. We had to decide on our own to get help in our own way, on our own time.
You can be there to offer support and encouragement if she needs. But you don't need to be either an enabler or a codie. Take care of you and your relationship with your spouse.
My mother is also an alcoholic. Both her children are admitted alcoholics, and her father was an abusive alcoholic. I wonder if she's admitted to herself yet she's an alcoholic? I doubt it. But I'm not going to sit there and worry about her problem, I've got enough on my plate with my own. I just let go, and let God, or whatever. Love her and let her go her way.
Focus on your own sobriety.
What they say in Alanon, or if you visit the F&F forum on here, they say:
"We can't control it, we can't cure, and we didn't cause it" something to that effect.
You should know yourself the only way anyone could have gotten you sober is no way. We had to decide on our own to get help in our own way, on our own time.
You can be there to offer support and encouragement if she needs. But you don't need to be either an enabler or a codie. Take care of you and your relationship with your spouse.
My mother is also an alcoholic. Both her children are admitted alcoholics, and her father was an abusive alcoholic. I wonder if she's admitted to herself yet she's an alcoholic? I doubt it. But I'm not going to sit there and worry about her problem, I've got enough on my plate with my own. I just let go, and let God, or whatever. Love her and let her go her way.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 371
Applejack, I think it is honorable that you want to keep an eye out on your ML. Maybe she needs some family support and you being through it yourself, you just might be the person that can sway her to stop. Whats the harm in trying? The alternative is she keeps drinking. Good question and good luck mate.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by MissNewLife
Darn. I really though this was going to be a hilarious thread about all the ways we thought we were unique and "clever" in hiding our drinking.
Below the bathroom sink was my favorite. I could pretend to be going to the bathroom and sit in there and drink. Bathroom in general was a good place, even behind the toilet in the tank there.
Laundry hampers, drawers, closets in my room were a close second. Places out of sight but easily reachable.
All that being said... why even bother? It's out of your control. If you find something, you can confront her, she'll blame you for snooping, a fight will ensue.... nothing will change. Not until she wants to change herself.
Pointless endeavor in my humble alky opinion.
Below the bathroom sink was my favorite. I could pretend to be going to the bathroom and sit in there and drink. Bathroom in general was a good place, even behind the toilet in the tank there.
Laundry hampers, drawers, closets in my room were a close second. Places out of sight but easily reachable.
All that being said... why even bother? It's out of your control. If you find something, you can confront her, she'll blame you for snooping, a fight will ensue.... nothing will change. Not until she wants to change herself.
Pointless endeavor in my humble alky opinion.
What lengths, where, how? Under the mattress (yes, you can disguise a vodka bottle if you find the right dip)...in coffee tumblers while I sat reading at B&N, on the ledge of the bathtub, in the shoe hold of suitcases, with Christmas ornaments....countless other spots. Did I mention that I had a half full handle of vodka in my bag when I got sent straight from my GP to my new liver doctor? THAT is how far an alcoholic will go.
One of my favorite sayings is "not my circus, not my monkeys." We care about others....but we did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it for them. We can only do us.
Good luck to you in your path.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Bought with cash so no debit card/bank statement evidence
Rotated stores
Bought "public bottle" for fridge. Private bottle in cabinet behind food.
>>>>refill public bottle with private bottle
Took out recycling when others were asleep
Drank strong drinks before meeting others for "a few beers"
Drank mostly alone at home.
Refilled drink when in kitchen out of sight. Vodka and soda made this easy.
Kept vodka in trunk of my car. Would "forget something" in my car, go out, chug
Lie about how much I drank
Sneak drinks from others liquor cabinets. Top off with water or buy more to top off.
Bring bottle of vodka in suitcase when traveling. It stayed in my suitcase the whole weekend. One night? A fifth. Whole weekend? 1.75 L bottle. Always had to make sure I had enough.
Lie and say I wasn't hungover when I was terribly hungover
Avoid phone calls past 6 pm
Rotated stores
Bought "public bottle" for fridge. Private bottle in cabinet behind food.
>>>>refill public bottle with private bottle
Took out recycling when others were asleep
Drank strong drinks before meeting others for "a few beers"
Drank mostly alone at home.
Refilled drink when in kitchen out of sight. Vodka and soda made this easy.
Kept vodka in trunk of my car. Would "forget something" in my car, go out, chug
Lie about how much I drank
Sneak drinks from others liquor cabinets. Top off with water or buy more to top off.
Bring bottle of vodka in suitcase when traveling. It stayed in my suitcase the whole weekend. One night? A fifth. Whole weekend? 1.75 L bottle. Always had to make sure I had enough.
Lie and say I wasn't hungover when I was terribly hungover
Avoid phone calls past 6 pm
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
How did you hide your drink problem?
when i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism, i didnt.
and the more people prodded me about it the more i drank.
imo, you have some problems of your own to focus on:
"I don't know when to stop when I start but I can leave it alone until the next binge..."
at this time. as the alcoholism progresses, the periods of time between "binges" will be closer together.
when i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism, i didnt.
and the more people prodded me about it the more i drank.
imo, you have some problems of your own to focus on:
"I don't know when to stop when I start but I can leave it alone until the next binge..."
at this time. as the alcoholism progresses, the periods of time between "binges" will be closer together.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
All of the above responses aside, there one thing that is quite evident.
The only person we are hiding our drinking problem from is ourselves.
With that in mind, and this was already mentioned, the only person who can do anything about it is ourselves.
Sure we can intervene or try to educate others on 'their' problem. But until that person is ready and willing to admit they have a problem and wants to do something about it, we are basically helpless observers to a point.
We must focus on US. And not let another's addictions get in the way of our progress. It is difficult to do, yes. But it is essential...
The only person we are hiding our drinking problem from is ourselves.
With that in mind, and this was already mentioned, the only person who can do anything about it is ourselves.
Sure we can intervene or try to educate others on 'their' problem. But until that person is ready and willing to admit they have a problem and wants to do something about it, we are basically helpless observers to a point.
We must focus on US. And not let another's addictions get in the way of our progress. It is difficult to do, yes. But it is essential...
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