courage2

The sky's an amazing thing. Even seen through a gap-toothed skyline. Maybe especially.

Did I write that on Sept. 11, I went up to my roof, and saw a half moon pass behind the lights that beam into the sky from the site of the World Trade Center towers, and a shooting star?

I hope you've had a fun night, Delizadee, and that everyone sleeps well.

courage2

Getting weird messages -- can't post, token expired?

Hard day all around. Almost got caught in the jaws of the city. Now safe tho.

How goes?

Wolfbane

I will join you. No drugs or alcohol for me today.

Gilmer

Went to a child's birthday party and was nervous, but it turned out to be a great time!

I'll turn in early tonight.

courage2

Nice to see you both, Wolfbane & Gilmer. Your usernames sound Tolkeinian.

I've calmed down considerably. Looking at spreadsheets always soothes me.

Gilmer

Ha! You're easy to please!

courage2

Deliza, are you spilling or not? You can not tell but I'm gonna ask just once. What did you think of the date?

courage2

I'm only asking 'cause I care. Not much good at showing it, but I kinda do. Hard to believe what change a little sobriety and a good dose of psychopharmaceuticals hath wrought.

kittycat3

I wanna hear about the date too esp because I haven't been on one since mid-summer....

I went to a performance event tonight by myself. Not my favorite thing to do at all (go to things alone) but it was actually fun! And being solo meant I had good opportunities to meet new people, which I did. The old me would have either not gone, or gone and drank some liquid courage - which may have resulted in my being overly friendly (i.e. Fake) or worse. Sober courage builds my self-confidence and my interactions with others are pure and genuine. Win win

ItWillBeWorthIt

Watching the sky creates marvelous mesmerized moments - I love it. That would have been an amazing experience you seen on Sept. 11 courage. Thanks for sharing.

Count me in for another 24 hours of enjoying the rewards associate with being sober and in a recovery world. :-) Loving it.

Thanks for the thread! tyou

Dee74

Thinking of you today in NYC Courage.

D

Delizadee

Lol Dastardly computer!
I had started to write it out. Opened another window from an SR link, and went on reading through there and forgot about my post and turned the computer off. Anywho..

It felt like a blind date! This guy dove an hour to come take me out to dinner, and he brought me a single white rose (meanwhile I had spent said hour trying on 37 different outfits while reading up further on first date tips). Settled on a sweater dress and high zip up boots. House clean. We'd already settled on taking his car- my oh so sexy mama-minivan not really date worthy. That way I could ditch the glasses too and go SUPER sexy. *eye roll* Anyways I was ready to go and waiting for him booted feet up on the coffee table while watching Breaking Bad, because I am badass like that. He brings rose, we hug, he compliments me says I look lovely, takes me out to his nice car, opens door for me (chivalry is NOT dead, thank goodness) and off we go.

There aren't too many nice restaurants in the town I live in so I chose one of the only ones that I haven't been to, and what a good choice. It had a nice, cozy, romantic atmosphere. Little tea lights, dim lighting, warm and intimate.
This is where I hop back in my mind to that minute moment of what's to drink. He ordered rye & coke and I ordered sparkling water. It wasn't much of a brain tussle, and it was talked about very casually that I had decided not to drink anymore and he was impressed by it. We told some drinking stories and I noticed he felt slightly awkward about his drinking and explaining to me how much he drank (it didn't bother me a bit that he was drinking with me). I knew before hand he was a little bit shy, and I'm a little bit bolder so I always say I am the queen of awkward because I can say and do the stupidest things, drunk OR sober, so I just own it and run with it. lol Sober seems to work in my advantage. haha!

We had supper and I told him some of the most ridiculous things, like googling first date tips, (bahaha) and how a girl should not order a salad and pick away at it. And he knows through our texting that I am a veggie binger, so I order this salad and as the evening wears on I notice I just cannot quench my thirst and this fog is falling on me- I am getting sick! So here I am, trying to follow the do's and don't's of first dates, I am picking at the most yummiest cobb salad in dismay because I could plow through any salad any day. Or a steak. I love me some steak. And of course I am laughing because I am giving him this running commentary throughout the pauses of commentary how I am horrible failure to googles guide to first dates here me picking at my salad and not too sure what's wrong with me... blah blah.
I showed him the worst selfie I ever took of myself which I keep with pride (will have to post it one day) because I hate selfies. SO bad at them.
We had been gabbing on and on about netflix and books so thumbs up on that. After our plates had been cleared and we talked for a while, he held my hands across the table. We ended up closing down the restaurant and kept them open an hour later! Oops. The wait staff were funny. I guess they were trying to figure out if we were on a first date or what so they had lots of cute and funny things to say to us when we left.

We went back to my place to hang out and watch netflix. I tried some tea, but nothing was perking me up. I was just getting worse and worse, and kept nodding off on him while we watched a movie. By the time it was around midnight, I invited him to stay over no sense in driving home an hour so late on a Friday night. So he stayed, he was a perfect gentleman about everything. He left the next morning for work very early and when he got there he sent me a big long text (you know I was gonna do the whole, wait a day for him to text or call first) well he wasn't at work for an hour before I got this really sweet text from him. By mid morning I was quite sick already. So he offered to come take care of me last night after work. I declined politely, saying my little one would be home and it's a little early for *those kinds* of introductions, but that was very sweet of him. And he's been texting me ever since, on his breaks, before and after work and whatnot. He thinks I'm amazing (his words, not mine) and I think he's really cute, very sweet and very thoughtful and kind and I find his shyness adorable.
So I'm dead dog sick, been sleeping round the clock type thing, or as much as possible with a 4 year old.
It was interesting! New experience for me to be sure. I like him, and I don't think I've ever been out on a genuine date as an adult with a guy I'm not in a relationship with or a casual fling, kwim? The whole date night thing made me think of Sarah Hepola's book, Blackout. I never really had the blackout experience when I was binge drinking in my 20s and made bad men decisions. But it sure puts a kind of enlightening empowerment in our hands to choose to be in a situation where we are totally aware and able to make our own choices with a fully awake conscience. Not, I owe my body to this person because they've shown me they like me. Or I owe somebody my life because they've done that for me. I can just be me. Sans booze. Sans obligation to fulfill or force something that should come somewhat naturally at the start. And we haven't stopped talking since we first met (online) and while we were on our date.

So, I like him. Quite a bit. Do I think he's THE ONE for me? I don't know. Too fresh in the dating game to even think about that. I feel like I've graduated some kind of adulting level. And I think I need more sober time under my belt before any kind of commitments. Going to be different than other times not being so codie. Play my cards close to my chest but be genuine and truthful.

So, that's the long and short of it. Not putting a lot of thought into it. I knew I liked him right off the bat because most of the guys I've talked to online just want one thing. And I can smell a player a long way. (You can't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter) and anyways, he didn't talk about THAT at all the first time we talked. I enjoyed myself.
But not going to muddy my waters too much. I have to be careful, being a codependent addict and all

So there you have it folks! Theeeee most exciting drama in my life lately!
If I remember I will post the most horrible selfie ever taken that I am so proud of. I showed it to him at dinner as I'd promised him

courage2

That's the *best* story, Delizadee.

Anybody lurking, *this* is what sobriety can do for your life!



PS isn't it weird that yesterday when I had such a bad day, & I wrote about the jaws of the city --then we had the attack in Chelsea that night? Yesterday I could smell the sulfur in the air.

Take care, all

--sb

Dee74

Glad you're ok, Courage

D

Delizadee

Thanks courage

Just read about the Chelsea bombing-- I had no idea. Glad to know you are safe and sending prayers out to all those affected. How scary!

kittycat3

I'm glad you are ok too courage. Scary stuff.

Delizadee congrats on the good date! Great news. I totally relate to what you said about Hepolas book. I read it too and identified with a lot of it. She has some extreme stories, not all the things I did when I was drinking with men are that crazy (some nights were) but even on the smaller scale I used to let alcohol influence my behavior on dates - being flirtatious or even acting more boldly.... It feels so good to go out with a guy and be in total control of your actions.
I can think of a few casual flings I had in college that started off with way too much booze, then it kind of made me feel stuck in a bad way, like, I made out with him before and now he wants to see me again, I should probably go out with him again since I led him on before...yadda yadda...anyway, this is not about me...just love to see a good sobriety program working in a new dating situation. I mean dating is complicated enough without alcohol even being a part of the picture!!!
Feel better and enjoy the after glow of a good date with a chivalrous man you give me hope that there are still some out there.

courage2

I 100% agree with the kitty!

The city was nothing but sirens today. A little sick at heart about the world but in the old days I wouldn't feel anything at all, so this is an improvement.

I need to eat something. I'm doing okay about filling my days with people and things to do. The hardest parts for me are eating and sleeping. For some reason I keep postponing both. Does anyone else do that?

Delizadee

Courage, I am a bad eater and a bad sleeper.
So yes, I postpone both often. I am a slacker and postponer extraordinaire.
My eating is pretty disordered so I find the longer I postpone eating and pick at healthy food the better I do. I have been a terrible sleeper since my drinking picked up so with all my head doodoo and disorders I am pretty highly medicated. Nothing gets abused and it keeps me on an even keel for the most part. Still I feel those two particular things are sometimes all or nothing.

I hope things quieten down there soon, some peace and calm restored.

courage2

I don't really like to eat or sleep. Food just doesn't interest me. I have weak taste buds or something -- spoiled by gin. I sleep well enough once i get started, but I don't like to turn the lights off.

Delizadee

Oh boy, I could never drink gin. Early experiments with friends getting me wasted on flaming gin. I'm surprised I have any taste buds- the spicier the food for me, the better.

Could you string up some pretty twinkly lights courage? Over the years I've often done that. I can't sleep with lights or lamps on but the warm twinkle of fairy lights or small christmas lights are very soothing I find.

Alternatively, you could get one of those plushies that when you press them light up the ceiling with stars and moons.
I kid, I kid. Funny thing is, I'm afraid of the dark. I can't have my back to the dark. It took me a couple years to get used to walking around the farm in the dark and not jumping out of my skin, especially in an old farmhouse.
Now I'm in the city. As long as my doors are locked and my baseball bat is handy and doggies are nearby, I'm good to go... to sleep.
Sleepystarsprinkle for courage.

Ps somebody has changed around the smilies..... oooh smiley binge time!!