Berrybean

Ha. That's what I thought as well. Even when I went to AA, for the first 6 months I just went to meetings and did NONE of the other stuff people suggested to me. I needed to get a special kind of desperate to actually reach out and start letting people help me, and to start working on my perspective on life and how I dealt with it. (And there was I thinking I was kinda clever!!) The good news is that when I finally DID start working on my recovery then I could climb out of my vortex of despair, and I suddenly felt safe. It was like someone turning on a light. All my life I'd had this thing where I'd suddenly say, or think, "I want to go home". Pleading for it. But often i actually WAS at home, and I never knew what I meant til that moment the recovery light came on. THEN I knew I'd come home .

Different people do recovery in different ways. Read around on here, and ask people what they do for their recovery. People who seem happy (and sane) and seem to have a good balance of sobriety and real-life. When I finally got willing I found someone and asked them to guide me. She is my AA sponsor. I asked what she did, and I do it as well. Monkey see, monkey do. I've also picked up tips from people on here and other friends in AA. It'll come. But not by isolating and making yourself ill by not eating properly.

Take care x

IronPhoenix

First of all congrats on accepting you have a drinking issue and taking the steps to change your life!

You need to get a plan in place as a framework to lean on during your recovery. Your plan is unique to you but some examples to pull together for you may be:
- go to counseling sessions (treat them like going to a personal trainer)
- go to AA if that appeals to you
- if AA is not your cup of tea, at least read their materials and apply what is pertinent to you
- change up your daily routine around normal 'drinking'times
- commit to getting healthy (physically and/or mentally)
- try a new hobby
- learn coping skills that you can apply to any situation you may find yourself in where alcohol is present
- come to this site daily and post or offer support

I could keep going but think you get the gist - put a plan in place that can help you stay accountable.

You can do this!

TheBeaches

Eating thing is fine now.

You say I shouldn't isolate myself. But then everyone says i shouldn't go any were people drinking. And that's were I'd end up going if I don't ignore my friends. So.. I just don't know.

And I can't go to a an aa meeting. I can't deal with strangers well to many strangers.

Thank you

MovingForward1

Not poking fun, but a good start to your plan is in the beginning of this thread. If your plan is to make it until June 31, there are only 30 days in June! So just hang on until the 31st of June.

In all seriousness, so sorry to hear your struggling. Keep posting, keep reading, there may be that one sentence that turns thing in a good direction for you.

Berrybean

There, you're sounding like me again. All my friends drank as well. They still do. Diffrence is I have some new sober friends, and the old friends (the ones who proved themselves to be more than just drinking acquaintances ) are happy to meet up and do something other than drinking if I asked them to (but I needed to ASK. They weren't mind readers).

I also thought I couldn't go to a meeting. After a while I realised that I just wasn't willing to get out of my comfort zone. Actually there'd been so many areas where I'd confused couldn't with wouldn't, and need with want. I suppose a lot of that is the nature of the alcoholic perspective, and it kind of puts us in a catch 22 situation. Anyway. That's where the 'special kind of desperate ' came in. I needed to wake up feeling that for long enough to get willing. And recovery for me started with Acceptance and Willingness.

If you go to an AA meeting you won't have to 'deal with' (speak to) all the people there. Just one or two who would show you the ropes and stick with you for the meeting. All you'd need to do is open your mind and your ears and listen. And then go back next time and repeat. And gradually that room won't be full of strangers. It will be full of friends who can help save your arse.

X

PS. If you have not yet made a plan, (other than the old one of making yourself so weak that drinking would kill ya) , then please make one. This is a pretty amazing link to read through to get some tips for this...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

aNewEternity

in order to not be miserable you probably have to decide to do something. not drinking is a negative activity. you now have all this time that you used to spend thinking you at the top of the world as you said. it's a lot less exciting, it feels like 'doing time' rather than living.

TheBeaches

Thanks so much

TheBeaches

Thanks everyone.

TheBeaches

Oh no. I think sobriety is about to end. At a hotel for weekend. I want to order a bottle of wine. I've eaten lots of junk food. I just want some wine. I've had some fizzy Grapefruit juice. Not enough

19samadams19

I would say that you cant drink until June 31st is a good goal... partly because June 31st doesnt exist so that means you will never get to June 31st and never drink!

I feel your pain though. I drank heavily for a while then tried to be a social drinker. Its just not for me.

Vona71

Please don't do it. Stay on SR instead.

TheBeaches

I literaly almost fell out of my chair haha I'm so dumb! Your the only one to tell me there is no 31 haha I didn't even check. That is so something I would do. Thank you that did make me laugh. I gues I made a good plan lol

TheBeaches

Thank you. I'm trying. I am so tempted. Just like one drink. And I would stop at one?

2ndhandrose

I could never stop at one and if I tried it would just make me miserable.

Instead of drinking, hang out here at SR

Caramel

Have another fizzy grapefruit juice instead. It'll be worth it!

ccam1973

Stay strong Beaches. Play it forward in your mind. Quit romanticizing the thought of one glass of wine and remember what it will actually be like. If you are like many of us here, you won't quit until all of the wine is gone or you've passed out and gone to bed. You'll wake up tomorrow and need to start all over to get rid of the hangover. Once you're back on the drinking train it's tough to get off. Better to never get on again!

It's just not worth it.

Ariesagain

Please, please don't drink. Please. It's like kicking a wasp nest.

Here's the thing...how you're feeling at this moment does NOT equal sobriety. So many people, including myself over and over, quit for two weeks or two months, still feel lousy, assume that's all it will ever be and start drinking again. Wrong.

It takes real time to get your body and your brain healed enough to start seeing what sobriety is really like and many of the benefits are really subtle and easy to overlook. Today for me is day 169 and I had a rotten week...flew three time zones on Sunday, broke a tooth Monday, and flew three time zones back Wednesday, cutting my R&R trip short by three days so I could get to my dentist to the tune of $2309.00. I'm broke, discouraged, and my poor body falls asleep on PDT and wakes up on EDT, so I'm severely sleep deprived...plus a bunch of other crap happened.

Why am I telling you this? Because I got through this crappy, crappy time really pretty well. I'm not thrilled...but I'm not hungover, devastated, or impossible to live with. If I had been drinking? Total nightmare, complete with multiple meltdowns and hissy fits.

Give.it.time.to.work. This isn't even close to what you'll be feeling in five or six months.

Sending you a hug.

tate9685

Congratulations on day 4. When you meet your goal of sober until 6/31 what do you plan to reward yourself with? It helps to have that to look forward to. Please don't think a nice reward would be some booze. Not a reward at all. Been there and done that. Best wishes for you.

Soberwolf

Have you tried urgesurfing or playing the tape remember your only making your addiction worse, stronger & more painful if you decide to drink the AV is 1 son of a gun & is telling you to have that drink when deep down you want to be sober right ?

As a voice of reason I implore you to reconsider & try some of the things I've suggested

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

You make your sobriety stronger by not drinking & getting through it

Your worth it

tomsteve

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Meditation for the Day

I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it, God cannot give me His power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.