A shout out to the serial relapser
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Congratulations on how far you've come Jeni. My only support is S.R, yourself and all the other lovely people here, so I thank each and every one of you with all my heart for being by my side on this walk of life.
Be kind to yourself.
Gxxx
Be kind to yourself.
Gxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Hugs Jeni;
You are amazing, as others say. . .
Like you, my spouse is drinking and it's very hard to live with in my home.
You have really helped me personally with your sharing about this,
I know it's hard to be alone, like Kaily said earlier, but there is a special
hopeless kind of lonely when your spouse is lost in his addiction and you
are in an empty house, listening to it. . .
They are still walking down that road into the darkness,
and when you stop and they won't, you see the hard choices coming.
Being alone and not dealing with someone else's addiction may have to be
the path I choose, and that is a bigger stress for me now than staying sober.
Glad you are strong and getting better Jeni--sorry to muse on this in your thread,
but I know you understand the pain of this very well.
You are amazing, as others say. . .
Like you, my spouse is drinking and it's very hard to live with in my home.
You have really helped me personally with your sharing about this,
I know it's hard to be alone, like Kaily said earlier, but there is a special
hopeless kind of lonely when your spouse is lost in his addiction and you
are in an empty house, listening to it. . .
They are still walking down that road into the darkness,
and when you stop and they won't, you see the hard choices coming.
Being alone and not dealing with someone else's addiction may have to be
the path I choose, and that is a bigger stress for me now than staying sober.
Glad you are strong and getting better Jeni--sorry to muse on this in your thread,
but I know you understand the pain of this very well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SoCal
Posts: 4,491
Congratulations Jeni! You are stronger than you think - the ability to pick yourself up and start again requires strength, honesty and humility.
I don't like the term serial relapser but prefer to use the term stop and go sobriety. So many of us have had periods of sobriety interrupted by a return to drinking and then struggled back to sobriety that it is not an uncommon pattern for this affliction to take.
I don't like the term serial relapser but prefer to use the term stop and go sobriety. So many of us have had periods of sobriety interrupted by a return to drinking and then struggled back to sobriety that it is not an uncommon pattern for this affliction to take.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
One thing I keep in mind is that I see people relapse all the time, unfortunately. After seven years, after four, after fifteen... So don't be so hard on yourself. In meetings I hear people speak about how they think about drinking or catch themselves standing in front of the beer cases in a grocery store. They have over a decade of sobriety. Keep fighting and never give up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 133
That was so lovely to read. I have relapsed a few times since getting sober and always felt so ashamed and fearful that people (on SR, friends, family etc) would give up on me and I would be left with nobody at all- it's a horribly lonely and sad place to be.
And I agree with what others have said, it's the getting back up that's important. Your words made my night- thank you and sweet dreams
And I agree with what others have said, it's the getting back up that's important. Your words made my night- thank you and sweet dreams
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Thanks for posting this. I wasn't sure how to post myself. I am now 15 days sober again. Its been tricky for me because I am functional in normal life but drank a lot in my free time. I am now in a good relationship and she noticed that I drink frequently. When I decided to drink again, after I quit for 9-10 months, I told myself I would stop if it got in the way of anything. So.. I quit again. She is wonderful, supportive, beautiful, and kind and I wouldn't want to risk losing her. Also, when we have problems I don't want to handle them with a buzz. Thanks for posting. I have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in my life and I am ready to leave it in the past. The seasons have changed and I dont want it to play a role in my life anymore. Its one thing when your doing it alone but another thing when it may affect others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Just bumping this to share I have 9 months today.
I am beyond grateful. Thanks to my wonderful SR friends who have stood by me, I have managed to free myself of the grip of alcohol.
Together we stand strong.
No matter how many times we have failed, we can never give up. There really is a better life waiting for us....
I am beyond grateful. Thanks to my wonderful SR friends who have stood by me, I have managed to free myself of the grip of alcohol.
Together we stand strong.
No matter how many times we have failed, we can never give up. There really is a better life waiting for us....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Dr. John Kelly, addiction specialist affiliated with Harvard Medical school, has written many articles about relapse. Interesting and kinda encouraging for everyone who struggles to stay sober. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 370
A shout out to the serial relapser
Thank you for this post. I needed to see it and to remind myself to come back and try again.
It is embarrassing to keep relapsing and starting again at day one.
As you said so well. "Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear."
So I start my day one again thanks to this post. God knows being embarrassed never stopped me from drinking.
Thanks for the post.
asixstringnut
It is embarrassing to keep relapsing and starting again at day one.
As you said so well. "Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear."
So I start my day one again thanks to this post. God knows being embarrassed never stopped me from drinking.
Thanks for the post.
asixstringnut
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
I see many members who have been on SR a long time...years maybe. I count myself as one of them.
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Albany ny
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by Jeni26
I see many members who have been on SR a long time...years maybe. I count myself as one of them.
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
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