A shout out to the serial relapser
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
oh wow Jeni that is fabulous news. Many congratulations on 3 years sober. You are an inspiration to me. Long term sobriety then picking up again and then getting to 3 years sober again. You show how it can be done. I really needed to read this tonight so thank you. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Sweater Weather, USA
Posts: 199
Congratulations! How do you feel about 3 whole years?!
I really needed to read your story right now. The original post began right where I am feeling right now. I've relapsed and relapsed, but this time it is going to be different. I know it.
I really needed to read your story right now. The original post began right where I am feeling right now. I've relapsed and relapsed, but this time it is going to be different. I know it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Originally Posted by GreenSweater 
Congratulations! How do you feel about 3 whole years?!
I really needed to read your story right now. The original post began right where I am feeling right now. I've relapsed and relapsed, but this time it is going to be different. I know it.
I really needed to read your story right now. The original post began right where I am feeling right now. I've relapsed and relapsed, but this time it is going to be different. I know it.
I remember driving to work on 1st Feb 2016, and I sat in the car park before going in and had a full blown panic attack. I literally wanted to die.
I knew I had to pull out all the stops this time. I reconnected with old friends in AA, I went on a weekend 12 step retreat and then returned to do service 6 months later, I bought myself a little sobriety ring which I wear on my little finger and as far as I was, and still am, concerned I am now married to my sobriety. That ring is as important as my wedding ring to me.
Today I am free. I can deal with all emotions without wanting to numb them away. I do not think of drinking. I have great relationships with my family and I have a couple of very special sobriety friends whom I love very much. I am re-training in a new career.
Life is very very good ❤️
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Sweater Weather, USA
Posts: 199
Jeni, what a wonderful life you have now! The picture you paint is so wonderful. I love the idea of a sobriety ring; what a great gift to yourself sobriety is.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
Wow, what a great update! I thanked you for this OP back in 2016 when I was still drinking and desperate to quit. Such an important message: never quit quitting (sober 22 months 
)
So happy to see this back on the "front page."
)So happy to see this back on the "front page."
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Jeni26
I see many members who have been on SR a long time...years maybe. I count myself as one of them.
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
It is so hard to come back time and time again having failed. Every relapse gets harder to bounce back from. Part of this I believe is due to the effects of kindling. Part of it is due to embarrassment, disgust, self-loathing, guilt and crippling fear.
It is so much easier to stay away when we have failed. Perhaps we lurk a little, try to re-join a class of whatever month we sadly fell off the wagon. We don't fit any more. We see people we got sober with go on to lead their happy sober lives...we are happy for them, but we remain lost and scared, and confused that our once strong confident commitment to sobriety seems to have vanished.
I'm shouting out today for all those lost souls like me...don't EVER give up. Do whatever you can do to make this stick. Whatever you have tried before, double the effort. Whatever you said you could never do to stay sober, do it. If it makes you uncomfortable or scared...carry on doing it. Change every aspect of your drinking lives and make a new sober one. Be around people who believe in you, who love you, and are shining examples of what good recovery looks like.
And for those people who love us, don't ever give up on us. Don't roll your eyes or give up hope when you read another...'I'm back to day 1' post. Relapsing isn't contagious, we don't do it because we are trying to hurt you, we don't understand how it happens ourselves. I believe it is a sign of advanced alcoholism. Please never turn away from us when we need you most.
This really is a fight for our lives. We are all stronger when we stand together.
I'm one month 10 days sober this time. This last time.
The last relapse will be my last.
Let's do this thing
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 979
Thank you Jeni26. I used to be chronic relapser and then I just became an active alcoholic for ten years. I ran from anything associated with sobriety because I wanted to drink alone and drink as much as I wanted. Then, I lost a job that I love and then opportunity of a lifetime. So, yes, my ten years of drinking after being in and out of sobriety could be considered a relapse. A one day relapse can turn into a decade of self-harm.
Thank you for your message!
Thank you for your message!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
That is great news to read this morning Jeni.
3 yrs of continued maintenance on a daily
bases using the AA program of recovery
to get you where you are today as you move
forward.
As a note, I have always worn an AA piece
of jewelry, one on my finger and one around
my neck. I also have a sticker on my car and
various AA related pictures on the wall and
around my home. Even windchimes my sponsor
gave me many yrs ago I hear on a daily bases
outside.
Yes, AA is the foundation along with my
Catholic upbringing I live my life upon
to strengthen and guide me along my journey
in life remaining sober, healthy, happy and
honest.
You are definitely on the right track Jeni.
3 yrs of continued maintenance on a daily
bases using the AA program of recovery
to get you where you are today as you move
forward.
As a note, I have always worn an AA piece
of jewelry, one on my finger and one around
my neck. I also have a sticker on my car and
various AA related pictures on the wall and
around my home. Even windchimes my sponsor
gave me many yrs ago I hear on a daily bases
outside.
Yes, AA is the foundation along with my
Catholic upbringing I live my life upon
to strengthen and guide me along my journey
in life remaining sober, healthy, happy and
honest.
You are definitely on the right track Jeni.
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