So now that I am going, tell me about rehab
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
When I was in rehab no computers allowed and we had to go and ask for our phone if we needed to call. That was fine for me I switched off and concentrated on the job in hand.
My children were 10 and 11. I told them that Mummy was very tired and the Dr had found a clinic were I could go to rest and get my energy back. They stayed with their Dad for a month, I called them a couple of times a week. They were perfectly fine. Never really asked me much about it before or after. I did not make it a big deal so they just followed my lead.
I didn't invite them to the clinic. There were some weird people there to be honest and it would have been overwhelming for them. I did have some days when I was allowed home though, luckily the clinic was only a 30 minute drive.
It was the best choice I made in terms of getting me on the road to sobriety. I was like you worried about children and job before hand but kept telling myself it was going to make me a better Mum and more employable and the time flew past.
My children were 10 and 11. I told them that Mummy was very tired and the Dr had found a clinic were I could go to rest and get my energy back. They stayed with their Dad for a month, I called them a couple of times a week. They were perfectly fine. Never really asked me much about it before or after. I did not make it a big deal so they just followed my lead.
I didn't invite them to the clinic. There were some weird people there to be honest and it would have been overwhelming for them. I did have some days when I was allowed home though, luckily the clinic was only a 30 minute drive.
It was the best choice I made in terms of getting me on the road to sobriety. I was like you worried about children and job before hand but kept telling myself it was going to make me a better Mum and more employable and the time flew past.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Change is scary for everyone Mera - but look around - so many of us have taken that leap 
Not only will you be OK but you'll be able to look back at this as the time you turned things around
D
Not only will you be OK but you'll be able to look back at this as the time you turned things around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
You know what it so sad for me? I have burned every bridge and while people around me are happy for my decision they are tired of coming to my rescue. I have to drive myself there all alone Tuesday morning, about an hour and a half with morning traffic. I just don't know how I'll make that drive.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sure you'll be able to repair relationships in time Mera
I used to be the neighbourhood bum but no one remembers me like that now. Try and stay positive. Self pity is just going to weigh you down....
You're sorting your life out - that's a good thing
D
I used to be the neighbourhood bum but no one remembers me like that now. Try and stay positive. Self pity is just going to weigh you down....
You're sorting your life out - that's a good thing
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
I too checked in on my own Mera. Look at it as positive. This is something you are doing FOR you. Tell yourself that symbolically it is the first step to a new strong individual you and that you can do it own your own.
In fact in the end I was happy to be alone because the check in process was kind of intimate. Lots of personal questions, bags were turned out and searched. It was a private moment in my mind. I am sure you will be fine. x
In fact in the end I was happy to be alone because the check in process was kind of intimate. Lots of personal questions, bags were turned out and searched. It was a private moment in my mind. I am sure you will be fine. x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Might look into it. How pathetic and sad. It would cost a lot, but not more than a couple of days of drinking. I just wish I had someone who cared about me to go with me but it's beyond that now.
W.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
We'll see. I might be able to take the train to Florence and then get a cab. I need to check the times. Otherwise I'll just get up, face the day and go there. No doubt in my mind I will go, I'm just really sad to go face this alone. But I made my own bed and all...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Yesterday my psychiatrist said that a light version of the truth was the best. I shouldn't mention alcohol at this age but just say that mommy is sad and tired and needs help from some doctors to get better. He did recommend visits. He said that at this centre I can get permission to leave for lunch or to take the kids to a nearby park (with supervision and tests for alcohol afterwards). We'll see. I'm just really at the end of my rope. I hung on for so long and now that it is here I feel I am sinking lower than ever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
I think that's understandable Mera, but the great thing is
only a little time left and you'll be there.
I've taken the train to Florence and the station is pretty central.
That seems like a good idea anyway based on what Fabat said.
How's the packing going?
You get those journals yet?
If not, get at least one today and start it.
It's really good to get thing out and on the page
and you'll have a good start on it for when you go.
Keep posting here and we can support you too.
only a little time left and you'll be there.
I've taken the train to Florence and the station is pretty central.
That seems like a good idea anyway based on what Fabat said.
How's the packing going?
You get those journals yet?
If not, get at least one today and start it.
It's really good to get thing out and on the page
and you'll have a good start on it for when you go.
Keep posting here and we can support you too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I see that you will be someplace in or near Florence. One of my favorite places, although now rather congested and overrun with tourists. And of all the places I loved was the little former monastery, whose name always escapes me, with the Fra Angelico frescoes in each monk's cell. We pray for you and for the start of a wonderful recovery. That's what really matters!
Bill.
“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
And he replied:‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”
* * *
From a poem, popularly known as "The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Louise Haskins, published in 1908, the original title having been "God Knows", part of a collection titled “The Desert”. The poem was quoted by England’s King George VI in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the British Empire. Hitler had invaded Poland and England had entered the war with Germany These words. engraved on brass plaques, remain fixed to the gates of the King George VI Memorial Chapel at Windsor Castle, where the King was interred. When Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) was also buried there in 2002, the poem was read at her state funeral.
Bill.
“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
And he replied:‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”
* * *
From a poem, popularly known as "The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Louise Haskins, published in 1908, the original title having been "God Knows", part of a collection titled “The Desert”. The poem was quoted by England’s King George VI in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the British Empire. Hitler had invaded Poland and England had entered the war with Germany These words. engraved on brass plaques, remain fixed to the gates of the King George VI Memorial Chapel at Windsor Castle, where the King was interred. When Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) was also buried there in 2002, the poem was read at her state funeral.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Otherwise I'll just get up, face the day and go there. No doubt in my mind I will go, I'm just really sad to go face this alone.
Mera,
ultimately that is where we need to face it; by ourselves and alone.
in the starkest place.
you might well appreciate that as a bonus later on, that circumstances were such that it forced you to really do this by yourself for yourself.
it's not that you don't have people who care: they do and they're busy doing things like taking care of your kids and being responsible for themselves.
i realize it's easy for me to say these things since i'm not in your shoes. but what a courageous thing to do, to take this step so responsibly as the opportunity it is. to make it happen for you.
Mera,
ultimately that is where we need to face it; by ourselves and alone.
in the starkest place.
you might well appreciate that as a bonus later on, that circumstances were such that it forced you to really do this by yourself for yourself.
it's not that you don't have people who care: they do and they're busy doing things like taking care of your kids and being responsible for themselves.
i realize it's easy for me to say these things since i'm not in your shoes. but what a courageous thing to do, to take this step so responsibly as the opportunity it is. to make it happen for you.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Mera.
One of the reasons that I dragged myself to detox and then to rehab was because I'd made it so that there was no one left in my life who cared, and not in spite of this.
I had eighteen dollars, a broken heart and no good or obvious reason to go on living.
It took me a long time to rebuild from the damage I'd done. This involved reaching out to other people for help, which had become, at that time, one of my least favorite things to do. I don't know that this process was easier or more difficult than stumbling through life as an active alcoholic. It wasn't easy, but it was certainly much better. I cannot frame my drinking years as some kind of "learning experience." There was no silver lining to my drinking, and I was and remain reluctant to use my drinking as a means of achieving self-awareness. I learned many things about myself that were important for me to know by working at getting sober, and nothing at all of significance from my drinking.
No one wants to go to rehab. It's a natural response to have second thoughts and to resist doing something we'd rather not do the longer the time between making the decision to do something and then acting on it.
I didn't drink yesterday and I won't drink today. Or tomorrow. It's easy. I don't drink. It's easy because I did not drink the hundreds of times during my first year and beyond of sobriety when it was difficult not to do drink. There are many people here who have done the same, and there's no reason why you can't do it as well.
One of the reasons that I dragged myself to detox and then to rehab was because I'd made it so that there was no one left in my life who cared, and not in spite of this.
I had eighteen dollars, a broken heart and no good or obvious reason to go on living.
It took me a long time to rebuild from the damage I'd done. This involved reaching out to other people for help, which had become, at that time, one of my least favorite things to do. I don't know that this process was easier or more difficult than stumbling through life as an active alcoholic. It wasn't easy, but it was certainly much better. I cannot frame my drinking years as some kind of "learning experience." There was no silver lining to my drinking, and I was and remain reluctant to use my drinking as a means of achieving self-awareness. I learned many things about myself that were important for me to know by working at getting sober, and nothing at all of significance from my drinking.
No one wants to go to rehab. It's a natural response to have second thoughts and to resist doing something we'd rather not do the longer the time between making the decision to do something and then acting on it.
I didn't drink yesterday and I won't drink today. Or tomorrow. It's easy. I don't drink. It's easy because I did not drink the hundreds of times during my first year and beyond of sobriety when it was difficult not to do drink. There are many people here who have done the same, and there's no reason why you can't do it as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks friends. Tomorrow is the day, less than 24 hours until I give myself over to people who can help. My ex mother-in-law has offered to drive me but if they have parking there I think I might drive myself. Everyone around me is happy for my decision.
I am happy for my decision and ready to go. My biggest fear now is "what if this doesn't work?" I know that is not the right attitude to go into this. But I have to be honest. I think to myself how far gone I feel and what if nothing will ever end this? I know rehab won't be the end all cure, it comes down to me. But what if I don't find the strength and the will, even with this intensive help? What if I spend all this time and money and I come out just the same?
I have so much to do today, including a final afternoon of trying to be a good mother to my kids. I have to take my son to his doctor's appointment then we will go to their fathers house and talk. I know they will be sad, but I hope I can put on a brave face for them. They will be able to visit. The place gives permission for me to leave for a couple of hours, for lunch or to take a walk, as long as I am accompanied by someone and I do an alcohol test when I return.
I am happy for my decision and ready to go. My biggest fear now is "what if this doesn't work?" I know that is not the right attitude to go into this. But I have to be honest. I think to myself how far gone I feel and what if nothing will ever end this? I know rehab won't be the end all cure, it comes down to me. But what if I don't find the strength and the will, even with this intensive help? What if I spend all this time and money and I come out just the same?
I have so much to do today, including a final afternoon of trying to be a good mother to my kids. I have to take my son to his doctor's appointment then we will go to their fathers house and talk. I know they will be sad, but I hope I can put on a brave face for them. They will be able to visit. The place gives permission for me to leave for a couple of hours, for lunch or to take a walk, as long as I am accompanied by someone and I do an alcohol test when I return.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Also, I want to thank each and every one of you who has ever responded to me over the years I have been here. All of it has helped me get to this point. I know I would not be going to rehab had it not been for the support and suggestions of you all on this site. Each one of you is saving lives, every day, word by word.
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