So now that I am going, tell me about rehab
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Originally Posted by Venecia 
Some good counsel here, Mera. Just get through the next few days sober -- and you've got a whole community here to support you -- so you can derive the maximum benefit from rehab. And someday, in the not-too-distant future, you'll survive that which hurt you, straighten your crown and walk away like a boss. It's all within your reach.
I haven't been thru rehab so I don't have anything to add on that experience. I have; however, walked my children thru a parent's addiction (their father's sex addiction). The more honest you can be with your kids (in age appropriate ways), in my opinion, the better off they will be. They already know something is going on anyway. Why not be honest with them & help dispel any fears or questions they may be having? The honesty will also serve to help strengthen your relationship with them. Talk to your therapist as well as the staff at rehab for ideas on how to communicate this with them.
I'd also like to touch base on the issue of lying. Someone above made the point that lying was/is part of my/our addiction. It's so true. I've often wondered what was worse. My drinking itself or ALL the lies I told EVERYONE around me (including & especially myself) in order to keep doing it.
You don't owe anyone an explanation other than you are taking care of personal business. Period. End of discussion. It's short, sweet and the truth.
Take good care, Mera. I'll save your spot while you're gone.
Xoxo
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
The terror is slowly melting into relief. I can't wait to get there.
The rehab experience can be extremely helpful. It certainly was the turning point in my situation. Aftercare, a type of outpatient group therapy, is also important, if available. The thing to keep in mind is that this is a medical and health problem, not a behavioral problem, unless a person does not do everything necessary for a full recovery. Which means changing old friends, if required, working with others who have some experience in recovery, avoiding things and persons who might trigger a relapse. It's serious, very serious, and it works! Every good wish to you, Mera. You'll never regret this!
W.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Dee said he feels there is no reason to lie, cuz as alcoholics we did lie. However, the stigma out there in the world about addiction is not as forgiving. A white lie to just be able to get a job, maintain a reputation, and keep your privacy is worth it.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Bravo to you for this decision, mera.
I agree with the others. ...there is no need to lie. You can say you have some personal business to attend to. We don't have to explain everything to everyone. We can set boundaries. It's no one's business but yours.
but going to rehab is an excellent move on your part.
I agree with the others. ...there is no need to lie. You can say you have some personal business to attend to. We don't have to explain everything to everyone. We can set boundaries. It's no one's business but yours.
but going to rehab is an excellent move on your part.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Meraviglioso, I am happy that you have made the choice to go to rehab. Please embrace whatever they teach you as if your life depends on it, because it does. I think your attitude makes all the difference, but be prepared to be around some other people who do not want to heal or may be unable to overcome their injuries.
Also, I am going to side with those who say to tell your acquaintances that you are tending to personal business. Period. If they ask for more information, say you don't want to discuss it. There are any number of life or family events that can require a persons attention for a few weeks.
Oh, and I would not try to take a computer.
Also, I am going to side with those who say to tell your acquaintances that you are tending to personal business. Period. If they ask for more information, say you don't want to discuss it. There are any number of life or family events that can require a persons attention for a few weeks.
Oh, and I would not try to take a computer.
Last edited by Coldfusion; 03-09-2016 at 07:49 PM. Reason: addition
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Well for better or worse I told a little lie to my English lesson clients. I called them and cancelled everything, starting now, and said that I was going through a rough period personally and needed to return to the US for a bit. The "rough period" part is not a lie, but going to the US is. In any case, hopefully in rehab I will learn better skills to handle things like this without feeling so bad.
I am also fighting with my boyfriend due to his lack of support. He says I am manipulative, and I have to admit that he is probably right. I do everything to try and get people to help me. I should be more independent and handle this stuff without expecting others to drop what they are doing and come save me. I hope that I can work on that too. I am not unaware of my character defects. I do want to become a better person all-around in addition to getting sober.
I am also fighting with my boyfriend due to his lack of support. He says I am manipulative, and I have to admit that he is probably right. I do everything to try and get people to help me. I should be more independent and handle this stuff without expecting others to drop what they are doing and come save me. I hope that I can work on that too. I am not unaware of my character defects. I do want to become a better person all-around in addition to getting sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
Dee said he feels there is no reason to lie, cuz as alcoholics we did lie. However, the stigma out there in the world about addiction is not as forgiving. A white lie to just be able to get a job, maintain a reputation, and keep your privacy is worth it.
I wouldn't feel the need to give chapter and verse to colleagues, clients or acquaintances.
'Taking some personal time' is not a lie. I don't think it exposes anyone to stigma,and it would keep the things I consider my business as my business.
A little common sense goes a long way
D
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Nope, just waiting for the call. I understood yesterday that it should be "early next week" but he would call back to confirm. In the meantime I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Friday. My children's father is going to come too so we can talk about what to say to the kids, how to organise things. I am also starting to prepare all my work for my absence.
I'm moving in the right direction though, I feel good about the kids. I need to get to a place where I feel somewhat ok leaving the work. I am also thinking I need to send a message to the other parents in my son's class, explaining that I will be gone. They all notice if anyone is not there for even one day of pick up and send messages on the mom's whatsapp group asking about things. A month is a long time to just disappear. I was thinking of just saying what I said to my English lesson people- I'm having a hard time and need to go home for a bit. But, I also don't want to cause a lot of drama. It's a toss up. If I told the truth- I'm having a hard time, they might be able to circle the wagons and give a hand with the kids, help get them to soccer practise, etc. Maybe invite them over to play.
I'm moving in the right direction though, I feel good about the kids. I need to get to a place where I feel somewhat ok leaving the work. I am also thinking I need to send a message to the other parents in my son's class, explaining that I will be gone. They all notice if anyone is not there for even one day of pick up and send messages on the mom's whatsapp group asking about things. A month is a long time to just disappear. I was thinking of just saying what I said to my English lesson people- I'm having a hard time and need to go home for a bit. But, I also don't want to cause a lot of drama. It's a toss up. If I told the truth- I'm having a hard time, they might be able to circle the wagons and give a hand with the kids, help get them to soccer practise, etc. Maybe invite them over to play.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Hi Mera,
Great to see the preparations you're making as you get ready. If you haven't had a call, I certainly think you can call again today to chase up. Sometimes things important to us can slip down other people's priority lists.
In terms of what to say, I think sometimes people get in a bit of a muddle over the difference between not telling all of the truth and lying. I agree 100% with Dee that telling something that isn't true can cause problems, but equally we're under no obligation to tell anybody anything we aren't comfortable with. The simpler the explanation, the less you have to worry about and keep track of later. Do you want one of the parents to ask what the weather was like back in the States? How long the flight was? A friend of mine had to back out of plans we had saying an issue had come up at home, and then dropped out of contact for a few days. If she wants to tell me more than that, I'll be there to listen, but that's up to her.
Great to see the preparations you're making as you get ready. If you haven't had a call, I certainly think you can call again today to chase up. Sometimes things important to us can slip down other people's priority lists.
In terms of what to say, I think sometimes people get in a bit of a muddle over the difference between not telling all of the truth and lying. I agree 100% with Dee that telling something that isn't true can cause problems, but equally we're under no obligation to tell anybody anything we aren't comfortable with. The simpler the explanation, the less you have to worry about and keep track of later. Do you want one of the parents to ask what the weather was like back in the States? How long the flight was? A friend of mine had to back out of plans we had saying an issue had come up at home, and then dropped out of contact for a few days. If she wants to tell me more than that, I'll be there to listen, but that's up to her.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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I am struggling folks, help me hang on. I called all my English lesson clients. I'll send an email to my homeowners once I know the date. I was DESPERATE for information today and couldn't resist, so I called at 12:35. They told me the doctor was out for lunch but would likely be out for the afternoon, but I could try at exactly 2pm. So I did, exactly 2pm I called and they said he was on a phone call. I asked if I could call back in 5 to 10 minutes and they said yes, wait 10 minutes and call. I waited 9, then called and they said he had gone for the day. I just want to get there and get this started. I drank yesterday, I have been drinking today. I feel like drinking forever until i get help. I just want help now. I am a total brat, I know it. I waited so long for help and now that they can't do it immediately I am throwing a fit, but I don't care, just help me!!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
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Good Luck Mera...
The absolute two most important things to remember:
Don't lie to yourself. As you go through the rehab you may be tasked with assessing things from your past and present. If you lie to yourself, you will only be cheating yourself. Do not downplay or attempt to shrug off behaviors because they make you look bad. This is for you and only you. Nobody is going to judge you. Be mindful that others in your group are experiencing the same things as you are. By being honest with yourself and to others, you may be helping those who may not see themselves completely. Just as someone posting here may bring an "aha" moment to others, you being forthright may open a response in someone else to accept they also have the same issue. Others may open you to something about you that you may be blind to. It's important to be honest with yourself.
The second thing to be mindful of is aftercare. While in rehab you will be in a 'safe' environment. You will not have access to the things you leaned on - you are drinking still. The day you are released, that 'safe haven' no longer exists. It is up to you to maintain your own 'safe haven'. There are many things you can do. The most important thing you can do is to not ever want to rely on drinking to get you through the tough times. They will happen (tough times), but you must be resolved to want to be sober more than anything else.
Never forget that sobriety is more important than anything.
Once you lose sobriety, it is very probable that you will lose everything else that matters to you. It is acknowledged that the second time around is a lot more difficult. And the third etc.
You may not get another chance at this. Get the most benefit you can from it.
Along with this having a 'plan' in place. Use your time in rehab to develop a plan to carry forward. Think of situations you may encounter that trigger you to drink. Knowing ahead of time how you will deal with these situations should help you to overcome them.
Use your time in rehab wisely. Come out fully prepared to succeed.
The absolute two most important things to remember:
Don't lie to yourself. As you go through the rehab you may be tasked with assessing things from your past and present. If you lie to yourself, you will only be cheating yourself. Do not downplay or attempt to shrug off behaviors because they make you look bad. This is for you and only you. Nobody is going to judge you. Be mindful that others in your group are experiencing the same things as you are. By being honest with yourself and to others, you may be helping those who may not see themselves completely. Just as someone posting here may bring an "aha" moment to others, you being forthright may open a response in someone else to accept they also have the same issue. Others may open you to something about you that you may be blind to. It's important to be honest with yourself.
The second thing to be mindful of is aftercare. While in rehab you will be in a 'safe' environment. You will not have access to the things you leaned on - you are drinking still. The day you are released, that 'safe haven' no longer exists. It is up to you to maintain your own 'safe haven'. There are many things you can do. The most important thing you can do is to not ever want to rely on drinking to get you through the tough times. They will happen (tough times), but you must be resolved to want to be sober more than anything else.
Never forget that sobriety is more important than anything.
Once you lose sobriety, it is very probable that you will lose everything else that matters to you. It is acknowledged that the second time around is a lot more difficult. And the third etc.
You may not get another chance at this. Get the most benefit you can from it.
Along with this having a 'plan' in place. Use your time in rehab to develop a plan to carry forward. Think of situations you may encounter that trigger you to drink. Knowing ahead of time how you will deal with these situations should help you to overcome them.
Use your time in rehab wisely. Come out fully prepared to succeed.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Mera,
If past is prologue, the days when you drink end painfully for you.
This is your life we're talking about. Your health. Your safety.
I am urging you to dump out whatever alcohol is in your home, drink some water and take a nap. The day you can get admitted will get here soon. Please stop drinking.
If past is prologue, the days when you drink end painfully for you.
This is your life we're talking about. Your health. Your safety.
I am urging you to dump out whatever alcohol is in your home, drink some water and take a nap. The day you can get admitted will get here soon. Please stop drinking.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Please Mera, you can stop now before you get to that very awful place again. Many of us were so very worried. You are taking great steps to help yourself, don't allow yourself to take so many steps back now.
Please throw it all out Mera. Can you just go to bed?
Please throw it all out Mera. Can you just go to bed?
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
You seem to be looking at this time as an opportunity to go on a last bender. I think instead you should look at this as a time to get your affairs in order so you can return to a sane life after rehab.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I am, I am remotely calm, and actually drinking in a slightly dignified way. Just a few here and there, but I am drinking. I don't know why. Out of fear? A big F you to the world? Who knows... I am surviving on the bare minimum. I've cancelled all my lessons, my children's father is keeping the kids, I've cleaned my house, I've started packing my bag for rehab, I have sent messages explaining my absence. And then I drink. I just want help. Now.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I feel like I just want to collapse and be carried into the centre. I know it is better if I go on my own two feet but I am so exhausted. I just don't know how to carry on anymore.
Since you are still drinking the first two or three days of detox may be a challenge but with proper meds and supervision it sounds like you will do fine in a few days. Hang in there anyway. Socializing with the group helps. "Do it together" as someone said to me way back. We did. And it worked. Every good wish to you.
Bill.
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