Guess who relapsed again
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by MikeM 
The obsession became so overwhelming that I nearly passed out, It is that strong. I do think I am an exception since I've never seen anyone post like this. It's indescribable.
Which is why I go against a lot of advice. I've tried it. This is not my first username on here. It didn't work and in fact made things worse. The focus on alcohol made me drink even more.
Which is why I go against a lot of advice. I've tried it. This is not my first username on here. It didn't work and in fact made things worse. The focus on alcohol made me drink even more.
I have little else to add since everything worth saying has already been said.
Yet I feel a responsibility to comment.
You need to straighten up and get some help. But you already know this. You've reduced yourself to playing games with words in order to rationalize your lethally self-destructive behaviors. Doing it your way, on your own, has only made things worse, and not by a little. You've brought yourself to a place where you are quite literally losing your mind, no matter how well you type it out.
I hope your honesty and your claim that you're giving your mind, body and soul to get sober don't kill you. I mean it. If that doesn't do it, the booze will. You need help, man. Right now, all I see is a man killing himself while justifying how he does it. You're so different than everyone else on the planet that virtually anything that's offered as help will not help you. Does that sound sane to you?
No more excuses, no more rationalizations, no more bargaining. That ship sailed a very long time ago, and it's not coming back. Shut it down or it will shut you down.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Lawrenceville, NJ
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Huh. I was thinking this very thing.
I have little else to add since everything worth saying has already been said.
Yet I feel a responsibility to comment.
You need to straighten up and get some help. But you already know this. You've reduced yourself to playing games with words in order to rationalize your lethally self-destructive behaviors. Doing it your way, on your own, has only made things worse, and not by a little. You've brought yourself to a place where you are quite literally losing your mind, no matter how well you type it out.
I hope your honesty and your claim that you're giving your mind, body and soul to get sober don't kill you. I mean it. If that doesn't do it, the booze will. You need help, man. Right now, all I see is a man killing himself while justifying how he does it. You're so different than everyone else on the planet that virtually anything that's offered as help will not help you. Does that sound sane to you?
No more excuses, no more rationalizations, no more bargaining. That ship sailed a very long time ago, and it's not coming back. Shut it down or it will shut you down.
I have little else to add since everything worth saying has already been said.
Yet I feel a responsibility to comment.
You need to straighten up and get some help. But you already know this. You've reduced yourself to playing games with words in order to rationalize your lethally self-destructive behaviors. Doing it your way, on your own, has only made things worse, and not by a little. You've brought yourself to a place where you are quite literally losing your mind, no matter how well you type it out.
I hope your honesty and your claim that you're giving your mind, body and soul to get sober don't kill you. I mean it. If that doesn't do it, the booze will. You need help, man. Right now, all I see is a man killing himself while justifying how he does it. You're so different than everyone else on the planet that virtually anything that's offered as help will not help you. Does that sound sane to you?
No more excuses, no more rationalizations, no more bargaining. That ship sailed a very long time ago, and it's not coming back. Shut it down or it will shut you down.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Mike,
Just noticed you were back and have now caught up.
I believe you when you say you want to stop drinking and that you want to do it your own way. And I respect that, because I want that for myself, too.
Maybe you and I are alike in that what works for everyone else doesn't seem to be quite right for us - simply because we internalize things differently than many others seem to. There are all kinds of personalities in this world and there is nothing to say that you aren't in the minority - that you could well look at things through a different lens than most people seem to use.
I don't know what the turning point will be for you, but I'm confident that you can find it. You're a smart guy, apparently with the wherewithal to undergo any program/plan/lack of plan that you fashion. (Even a lack of a plan is a plan, right?) What would that look like?
Just noticed you were back and have now caught up.
I believe you when you say you want to stop drinking and that you want to do it your own way. And I respect that, because I want that for myself, too.
Maybe you and I are alike in that what works for everyone else doesn't seem to be quite right for us - simply because we internalize things differently than many others seem to. There are all kinds of personalities in this world and there is nothing to say that you aren't in the minority - that you could well look at things through a different lens than most people seem to use.
I don't know what the turning point will be for you, but I'm confident that you can find it. You're a smart guy, apparently with the wherewithal to undergo any program/plan/lack of plan that you fashion. (Even a lack of a plan is a plan, right?) What would that look like?
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Mike, I hope this doesn't upset you, just trying to help.
I know that you said counseling didn't work and in-patient rehab is out of the question.
Did you give counseling an honest try and was it with an addiction counselor? Maybe you can look at outpatient rehab and working with an addiction counselor. I can't stress enough how helpful having coping skills can be. It has helped me more than once.
We each have to take our own path on this journey .... please don't give up before you find yours.
I know that you said counseling didn't work and in-patient rehab is out of the question.
Did you give counseling an honest try and was it with an addiction counselor? Maybe you can look at outpatient rehab and working with an addiction counselor. I can't stress enough how helpful having coping skills can be. It has helped me more than once.
We each have to take our own path on this journey .... please don't give up before you find yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
It didn't upset me.
I've had counseling, been to rehab (it's only out of the question because I leave). Any type of treatment hits me where it hurts and I leave. Now I leave before they can get to the painful part.
I have the opportunity to go anywhere. To get any type of treatment. But I feel that, for the alcoholism, that's not what I need. I need some distance from it and I'll be fine. I think. Otherwise I would need to face my trauma regarding institutions and that's a big one.
I've had counseling, been to rehab (it's only out of the question because I leave). Any type of treatment hits me where it hurts and I leave. Now I leave before they can get to the painful part.
I have the opportunity to go anywhere. To get any type of treatment. But I feel that, for the alcoholism, that's not what I need. I need some distance from it and I'll be fine. I think. Otherwise I would need to face my trauma regarding institutions and that's a big one.
Originally Posted by ScrewdUpInDe
Mike, I hope this doesn't upset you, just trying to help.
I know that you said counseling didn't work and in-patient rehab is out of the question.
Did you give counseling an honest try and was it with an addiction counselor? Maybe you can look at outpatient rehab and working with an addiction counselor. I can't stress enough how helpful having coping skills can be. It has helped me more than once.
We each have to take our own path on this journey .... please don't give up before you find yours.
I know that you said counseling didn't work and in-patient rehab is out of the question.
Did you give counseling an honest try and was it with an addiction counselor? Maybe you can look at outpatient rehab and working with an addiction counselor. I can't stress enough how helpful having coping skills can be. It has helped me more than once.
We each have to take our own path on this journey .... please don't give up before you find yours.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
What do you think would help you in recovery Mike ?
Have you tried AA meetings or Smart meetings or AVRT do you Journal ? do you think outpatient might help ?
Your going to need a plan & stick to it otherwise youl be stuck like this until further notice and you deserve better than that
You deserve to be happy & its obvious your not happy drinking
Have you tried AA meetings or Smart meetings or AVRT do you Journal ? do you think outpatient might help ?
Your going to need a plan & stick to it otherwise youl be stuck like this until further notice and you deserve better than that
You deserve to be happy & its obvious your not happy drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by lilgolden73
I'm not sure I understand but I do wish you luck in building a sober life.
It also gave me a feeling of someone caring.
What actually made me laugh out loud was: "I'm not sure I understand"
That does not surprise me after all my posts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by lilgolden73
Do you work? I know even when I was drinking, I had a job and at least 40+ hours a week were sober.....
It's absurd. It's almost 9:30 AM over here and I have been drinking all night. Actually, since yesterday around 4 PM. And I just considered ordering a couple a sixpacks and a lot of food. What's even more absurd is that I will probably do it... Or collapse into bed.
I keep saying "I'll be fine". I really believe that. It's like it's a message from above. A feeling of trusting that it will be alright. However much of a mess I am now, "I'll be fine". When it comes to alcohol, one of these days. It's approached its end.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by MikeM
I don't need to. Rich family and all that stuff.
My children's father comes from an extraordinarily wealthy family. Servants, yachts, vacation homes around the world, you name it. He could live easily and well without ever working but he does. He wants to feel as though he is doing something meaningful. He has the luxury of having a job he loves and is passionate about in a field of great personal and professional interest to him. Hi sister on the other hand has never worked a day in her life. Nothing- not paid work and not even volunteer work. She is depressed, has attempted suicide, has a whole host of mental health issues and just drudges through the days. Even the fancy vacations, first class tickets and five star hotels, even the gorgeous, cushy homes she has been gifted, even the opportunity to go, do and see whatever she wants don't bring a smile to her face anymore. She lacks a meaningful, purposeful existence. The top doctors haven't helped, the twice weekly massages haven't helped, the private pilates instructor hasn't helped. Money and things definitely don't buy happiness.
How about starting a job search instead of drinking today? If you don't have any experience there are a ton of entry level positions- fast food, supermarkets, retail, custodial work… I'm sure you can learn to work a cash register or push a mop. Work is work and every job is important in its own way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Hi Mike.
I haven't really got anything to add to what others have already said.
I think the fact that you are posting means you are actually fighting your alcoholism. But at the moment you are obviously losing that fight.
Keep posting and engaging and maybe we can help you get to the point where you want to stop drinking more than you want to drink, which is obviously not the case presently.
Do you read the recovery stories of others on this site ? That helped me greatly. The starting point for me was finding out what I was suffering from. I spent hours goggling alcohol related stuff. And I started to realize that, it wasn't just me, I wasn't special and I could do something about it, as you can to if and when you choose to.
I haven't really got anything to add to what others have already said.
I think the fact that you are posting means you are actually fighting your alcoholism. But at the moment you are obviously losing that fight.
Keep posting and engaging and maybe we can help you get to the point where you want to stop drinking more than you want to drink, which is obviously not the case presently.
Do you read the recovery stories of others on this site ? That helped me greatly. The starting point for me was finding out what I was suffering from. I spent hours goggling alcohol related stuff. And I started to realize that, it wasn't just me, I wasn't special and I could do something about it, as you can to if and when you choose to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I really hope you'll resist buying more beer Mike.
We all want to help but you really need to make an effort here.
This is a great supportive site, and we will back anyone so long as they're trying...but routinely drinking before you post means no changes - and that means every thread is going to start and end the same way.
There are people here who are really trying to change their lives - some of them are facing some pretty fearful odds - but they're trying nonetheless..
I really want to see you join them Mike
Make it today.
whaddya say?
D
We all want to help but you really need to make an effort here.
This is a great supportive site, and we will back anyone so long as they're trying...but routinely drinking before you post means no changes - and that means every thread is going to start and end the same way.
There are people here who are really trying to change their lives - some of them are facing some pretty fearful odds - but they're trying nonetheless..
I really want to see you join them Mike
Make it today.
whaddya say?
D
Originally Posted by MikeM
I don't need to. Rich family and all that stuff.
It's absurd. It's almost 9:30 AM over here and I have been drinking all night. Actually, since yesterday around 4 PM. And I just considered ordering a couple a sixpacks and a lot of food. What's even more absurd is that I will probably do it... Or collapse into bed.
I keep saying "I'll be fine". I really believe that. It's like it's a message from above. A feeling of trusting that it will be alright. However much of a mess I am now, "I'll be fine". When it comes to alcohol, one of these days. It's approached its end.
It's absurd. It's almost 9:30 AM over here and I have been drinking all night. Actually, since yesterday around 4 PM. And I just considered ordering a couple a sixpacks and a lot of food. What's even more absurd is that I will probably do it... Or collapse into bed.
I keep saying "I'll be fine". I really believe that. It's like it's a message from above. A feeling of trusting that it will be alright. However much of a mess I am now, "I'll be fine". When it comes to alcohol, one of these days. It's approached its end.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by MikeM
Anna, to be honest, for the rest of the evening I will keep drinking. It's not that I want to, I can't resist it. If I have some left tomorrow, I will also drink it.
Just because we have it does not mean that we have to drink it.
When I was trying to work up a firm decision not to drink anymore I gave away many partially full 6 packs, 12 packs and 18 packs to my renter.
M-Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
You know, I feel like such an idiot when I think about people who have it worse than me. I felt like an idiot like that before I ordered in more beer and after I ordered in more beer. My conscience is nagging at me.
I'm the type of person who won't drink water straight from the faucet because it wastes water. I'm very conscious about many things in my life. This part is out of control.
I nodded off for a couple of hours, but I'm still at it. It's a lot even for me. One thing was different though. I truly felt that it was the last time.
You know what, I just realized that those are just words. Next time I post will be at least a day one post. But nothing get through to me right now, I'm an idiot and I'm wasting everyone's time. So no more posts drunk. Sober posts. Those will come.
I'm the type of person who won't drink water straight from the faucet because it wastes water. I'm very conscious about many things in my life. This part is out of control.
I nodded off for a couple of hours, but I'm still at it. It's a lot even for me. One thing was different though. I truly felt that it was the last time.
You know what, I just realized that those are just words. Next time I post will be at least a day one post. But nothing get through to me right now, I'm an idiot and I'm wasting everyone's time. So no more posts drunk. Sober posts. Those will come.
Originally Posted by Dee74
I really hope you'll resist buying more beer Mike.
We all want to help but you really need to make an effort here.
This is a great supportive site, and we will back anyone so long as they're trying...but routinely drinking before you post means no changes - and that means every thread is going to start and end the same way.
There are people here who are really trying to change their lives - some of them are facing some pretty fearful odds - but they're trying nonetheless..
I really want to see you join them Mike
Make it today.
whaddya say?
D
We all want to help but you really need to make an effort here.
This is a great supportive site, and we will back anyone so long as they're trying...but routinely drinking before you post means no changes - and that means every thread is going to start and end the same way.
There are people here who are really trying to change their lives - some of them are facing some pretty fearful odds - but they're trying nonetheless..
I really want to see you join them Mike
Make it today.
whaddya say?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I've noticed Mike that you haven't responded to some good advice here. One person mentioned AA. Another person mentioned out-patient treatment. Dee mentioned bringing your own linens to treatment. All sound like sound advice to me, so what do you think?
Also, since you come from a wealthy family, I have heard that there are rehabs that sound almost like a resort, including having your own attendant. Those places cater to everyone's individual needs, so the linen issue could probably be taken care of.
Lastly, except for people in prison or are committed, everybody gets sober their own way IMHO. It's just that many people use different resources that they are comfortable with to find a "way" that fits their needs. For example, I attend AA meetings, because that is part of my way of staying sober. Others use other resources.
Just a few ideas. John
Also, since you come from a wealthy family, I have heard that there are rehabs that sound almost like a resort, including having your own attendant. Those places cater to everyone's individual needs, so the linen issue could probably be taken care of.
Lastly, except for people in prison or are committed, everybody gets sober their own way IMHO. It's just that many people use different resources that they are comfortable with to find a "way" that fits their needs. For example, I attend AA meetings, because that is part of my way of staying sober. Others use other resources.
Just a few ideas. John
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
You know there were times when I was drunk that I felt everything was going to be fine as well and I was going to do this and that and everything would be ok.
Until the alcohol wore off and I was right back where I started with all the same unresolved problems. Everything was not ok. I brought myself to a fork in the road.
I could continue drinking and not face the reality of my unmanageable life or I could quit and stop the cycle, I knew it would not be pleasant at first but I also knew it would get better in time.
Mike you can take the right road, you may have missed the exit this time but there will be another one up ahead.
Until the alcohol wore off and I was right back where I started with all the same unresolved problems. Everything was not ok. I brought myself to a fork in the road.
I could continue drinking and not face the reality of my unmanageable life or I could quit and stop the cycle, I knew it would not be pleasant at first but I also knew it would get better in time.
Mike you can take the right road, you may have missed the exit this time but there will be another one up ahead.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Mike you drink like I did. The only thing that worked for me was being in a rehab facility for a few months to dry out and get my wits about me. I'm sorry to say it but it sounds like your parents are enabling you. My father had enough of me...I did not have the option to go crash at his place. My only option was to go to rehab....or continue bleeding to death on my couch until I ran out of money and ended up on the street. I am so thankful my Dad did not come "rescue" me. It made me get help. Today my life is second to none. Sobriety is worth it. But you have to be desperate. I had exhausted all options and had no where left to turn. Only then did I surrender and get the help I needed. I pray that you get back to rehab in time to save your life.
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