Seep9871

I did not pour it out. It is still on the shelf. I am up in my office area trying to get some things done. AV has not visited me this morning, even though it knows how easy it would be for me to finish it off. I feel good. I will say this - after 2 weeks of sobriety, those two glasses did not feel very nice this morning, physically! I am looking forward to making up for it tonight with a workout. I am resolved to go another 2 weeks, starting with today.

Thank you for all the support and advice.

least

I hope you give permanent sobriety a good try. It's worth it.

JulySeaCoast

Hi Seep,
I'm not disappointed in you. What is done is done. You drank the wine and stopped at two glasses. But! Look how much thought you are putting into those two glasses. You drank it last night and you are still thinking about it today. Moderating should not make you feel emotionally negative, it should not make you waste your valuable time rationalizing your actions. And as an added bonus, you felt physically bad upon waking. Brief buzz? Was it worthwhile? Do you want to do this same dance every day?? Stick with us. Keep reading and posting. We have your back!

dogslover2016

Thank you for posting your share. I can relate to this type of thinking, too.

Seep9871

Hi July,

You're right, I am probably thinking about it more than I should...but I don't feel negative about it. Again, I don't know if this will change, and I am remaining cautious..I will be sticking with my Kava tea once it arrives. My head did hurt a little this morning which wasn't fun, and I definitely don't want to get used to that feeling. I don't know..maybe I'm being stupid or naive...I don't know if maybe I don't have as big of a problem as I think, or I'm just in denial. I really don't know.

Thanks for listening

Hawkeye13

Your AV won't let you feel negative about it Seep--it's in the process of getting what it wants.

Wishing you the best.
After 17 months of not drinking I thought I could moderate too.
and I could and did, for awhile. . .

ScottFromWI

There's really no "degree" or "level" when it comes to alcoholism. Either your are an alcoholic or you aren't. So it really does't matter how big or small your problem is...if you have a problem with alcohol, you have a problem with alcohol.

Denial is very common, nearly all of us fell into that trap - some of us many times. It usually starts out exactly like last night did for you....a couple of drinks and then you stop. Hey...look at that..I don't really have a problem, right? Then it's a couple more the next time, and may only a few the next time after that. And invariably it's back to full on drinking at some point.

Think about this....why would you even need to come and post on a sobriety forum ( multiple times ) about having 2 drinks? And why do you feel a need to keep the rest of the wine around your house?

Ultimately, only you can decide if you have a problem of course. Try this...go back and read through your recent posts and pretend you are reading someone else's writing...what advice would you give them?

vanaprastha

I am so sad to read this Seep. I went to sleep last night hoping we had given you enough reasons not to drink, and looked for your post first thing this morning.

To me, the fact that you had to "fight off" the urge to drink means you can't moderate. Normal drinkers don't count the days between drinks, don't count their drinks, and don't consider stopping at two a major victory.

I also think that unless someone held you down and poured the wine down your throat, you could have fought it off a little longer.

The first few sober weeks are difficult. If you continue your "tests" you will be fighting through those weeks over and over, instead of getting on with your life.

But those are just my opinions.

thomas11

Seep, when drinking has caused chaos in our lives and we've reached a point of recognizing it; I think it is almost human nature to try the moderation experiment. If it works for you, fantastic. But the odds unfortunately are against you. I don't judge, only support. Keep us posted as I am interested in seeing the results. You very well could be the rare exception. Best wishes.

juppe

None of the advice seems to be getting through to you. I wish you luck on your continued "moderation experimentation"

chrcarlson

Seep9871, Lots of good advice on here. At my first AA meeting I told an old Marine I could drink a beer or two and walk away. He pointed me to a bar and offered me $5 to get started. Tough love? I declined.

Please keep posting on here whether you are drinking or not. Never be embarrassed about a slip-we have all had them.

SillyHuman

It sounds to me like you are just being an addict.

Seep, it worries me - what is it going to take for you to believe? What is alcohol going to have to take from you before you see it as the enemy?

I would really love to see you well. Seep, you are not headed down Wellness Road. You are cruising the road to hell. I hope you turn it around, and sooner rather than later.

I will be thinking of you tonight.

WaveTossed

Scott from WI, you are so correct. Either you are an alcoholic or you're not. I used to obsess over and over over whether or not I was an alcoholic. I was told right at the beginning that if I obsess over whether or not I'm an alcoholic, then I'm most likely an alcoholic. Because those who aren't alcoholics don't obsess over whether or not I'm an alcoholic. Later, I thought that I only have a "light case." It took a few years to realize that I'm just a common, garden variety alcoholic/addict. I'm so grateful to be a sober alcoholic today.

Seep9871

Hi all -

Still feeling great. Had a productive day and killer workout. Alcohol is not on my mind, in fact, it's so far away I almost forgot to check in - which I definitely plan on doing! I still feel in control and at peace with the two glasses on Sunday. I'm wondering if my situation is similar to, say, a diet. When I decide I'm going to eat healthy for the month leading up to a vacation, the moment I make that decision, all I can think about is French fries and ice cream (two things I don't even LOVE that much.) maybe my constant thought of wine this weekend was more so because I was so focused on NOT having it? Or, as many of you believe (and trust me, I am listening) it's my addiction getting th best of me. Can anyone relate?

All I know if two days later and I feel better than ever.

One day at a time.

Thank you all for the support.

Good night!

Venecia

Good luck.

Seep9871

I should mention I am still committed to my sobriety. I'm "at peace" with the two glasses, meaning I am not going to let hem derail my progress nor are they causing me anxiety. But I can't forget how amazing I felt leading up to the, and how committed I am to holding onto that feeling. Gone completely are the days of pouring depressants down my throat. ����

FormerWineGirl

Seep, look at it as all of us having already done the moderation test-runs for you. The results are that all of your case studies here tried and failed miserably at moderation. I know it's been said a million times, but its worth saying again. It never enters a non-problematic drinker's mind to question their drinking habits.

SoberLife90

This post makes me feel extremely grateful. As a young man, I'm glad I GET it. You should try to build a better recovery plan because drinking isn't the answer for us alcoholic types. It's messed up you consider it an accomplishment only having a few drinks. That's what our crazy thinking will tell us once we go back to our old ways of drinking. It may start out with 2 drinks, but if you don't put it down for good you will be back to full blown in no time. Wishing you luck. Hope you can figure it out. Keep coming back here, maybe check out an AA meeting. You should SURRENDER because thatbis the only way you can win!

Thumpalumpacus

I'm so new to recovery that any advice I give is worth every penny you've paid for it. With that caveat in place, I'll just say that you strike me as enamored of the experience, and that ain't a good sign if you ask me. What struck me was your refusal to pour out the remainder, regarding it as "waste".

I've wasted enough days, weeks, months, and years drinking that to my mind the "waste" of half-a-bottle of wine seems trivial in comparison to the time, and relationships, that I cannot retrieve. I'm saying this as a guy who's fallen off the right path several times in the last four months; not from a judgmental place, but simply speaking from experience.

You'll set your priorities for yourself, of course, but it strikes me that you're playing with fire after already having been burnt.

I hope the best for you.

Dropsie

I loved Al's point about doing anything to stay sober, the same way we used to do anything to drink.

Just stop now, its so worth it.

If you wait, it will just get harder -- once you know you have problem you know and you can't unknow it.

And you know.

Good luck, stay close.