MikeM

Earlier today, I responded to a kind member who PM'ed me. I told him that I was drinking again and didn't want to post today since I felt it was embarrassing and I would like to prevent it happening again.

More beers later, I don't care. Which is messed up.

My question, first and foremost, is: were my posts yesterday in any way embarrassing? I'm not looking for people to give me white lies so I feel ok about it. I would really like to know so I can learn.

Anyway, today I woke up and started drinking right away. There was beer left. And I ordered in a lot of beer. So I already am wasted and will get more wasted.

How on earth do I stop this? I saw a tv comedy where one of the lead actors got wasted and the result was hilarious. Which made me want to drink. Fiction vs. Reality.

Anyway, sorry. Again. But what stops this?

I do have a song that makes me drink less and might help me get sober. Last night, wasted, I couldn't figure out how to put it on my profile. Today. not drunk yet, I put it up and was amazed at how easy it was... The autoplay function doesn't work I think, but it's a nice song. Check it out.

I want to be normal again. I want to write books again. Poems. Make music. So to stimulate myself, I will leave you with a two line quote I made up that is so far below what I usually make up sober. But it helps to do it.

"Dizziness, drunkenness, unrealistic thoughts, it's on!
Except that when it wears off, live is worse than before."

Coldfusion

How do you stop? As I said yesterday, I suggest you go to an in-patient detox. You are sober enough now to make arrangements to do this.

MikeM

Not sober enough anymore.

"I am Confliction, I have been with you all your life,
I have lead you to be unhappy and dead inside."

Anna

To stop it, you just stop drinking and buying more alcohol. There is no magical answer, but to just do it. And, you can do it if you choose to. If you are concerned about withdrawals, go to an ER and ask for help.

Admiral

Well, you should do what you have to do to be safe, and then once that's taken care of, just stop.

No program or system in the world is going to get you to quit, you just have to do it. There are pathways in your brain that expect the drink, over time, those pathways will fade away and lose their power.

I've been free from my DoC for about a year now, and the days of pacing back and forth, obsessing about it are gone. Sometimes I kind of miss it, and feel the pull to go back, but the pull has lost it's grip, it's weak and easy to manage now.

This concept is true for every single person, you can absolutely do it. Start today, and always remember that every minute you resist, the pathways are erased a little bit. You are literally making progress every minute that you are sober.

lilgolden73

I'm not sure what to tell you! I'm sorry, you've got tons of support to cheer you on to get sober on this site. I have lots of triggers, I'm the DD all the dang time, I choose not to drink for me, I can't make that decision for anyone else. You have to be ready and have the will power, at this point you have neither since something as simple as a song or TV show sets you off. I'm sorry to be so blunt I'm actually surprised someone else hasn't been! It's almost disrespectful to drunk post constantly, I'm good, but there are people seriously struggling right now not to drink reading this. We're here to support you regardless. Either you choose to live sober or you don't, we can't make the decision for you, all we can do is encourage you to get sober. Best of luck, again I'm sorry, I don't wanna offend, just would like to see you get healthy!

AnvilheadII

it's as hard and as simple as putting down the drink and then not picking it back up.

you WANT to quit? then dump the rest. NOW. many members come here drunk, and while that is ok, it's not CUTE or FUNNY. but it IS a record - one that i hope in your SOBER days to come you can see as a turning point.

MikeM

Regarding the part in bold, I disagree.

I know you mean well. I do not hold anything against you and I'm happy you're being this honest. I'm glad you said it.

When I post, I'm seeking help. I'm looking for something to help me get a grip on this disease. And I suspect that many people come here just like me. Drunk, though they may not say it, looking for help.

My approach is to be brutally honest. And to be 100% dedicated to getting sober. If that means I have to say that I'm drunk and looking for help, I will say so. Telling people to hide it or not post is not helpful imo.

So yeah, I'm drunk. I want to get rid of the alcohol. I'm looking for help. Anyone should be able to come right out and say that.

But I know you mean well. And I appreciate you, all of your message and respect you for voicing your opinion. I just don't agree with the posting drunk part.

Coldfusion

Well, Mike, your last post is very well-written and coherent. I think you are sober enough to make arrangements to go to detox.

JohnQPublic

Wow. I wish you the best. I think it would really be in your best interest to see a MD or a therapist of some kind. Hopefully someone with addiction experience so they can make a recommendation on if you need a medical detox. Also, if you want to stop drinking the first thing you have to do is stop drinking. When working with addicts/alcoholics we don't even bother doing any kind of real work while the person is under the influence. You have to be clearheaded to begin to make life choices. I wish you the best. John

teatreeoil007

You are obviously creative mike-example:"day zero". That's a creative twist on this whole thing. Is there such a thing as day zero ???

Do you have writers block?

That's frustrating I know.

Are you a frustrated artist?

Writing is an art you know...

Bunny211

If you want to stop call someone and have them bring you to detox. To get sober you have to be willing.

Sunflowerlife

Hi Mike. I'll repeat what I mentioned yesterday, you have to BELIEVE that you can stop. If you keep telling yourself you can't, well then you can't. Our minds believe everything we say and think. The trick is changing those habits. Until you can change the way you view yourself, the world around you and the hold alcohol has on you, none of this is going to change.

Do you meditate? If not, would you be open to it? There are some wonderful guided meditations on iTunes by a group called "The Meditation Podcast". They are free, short and effective. Another great option is hypnosis. You can buy self hypnosis mp3s online and listen to them while you sleep. That's all you have to do.

It sounds to me like you need a change, any change. Because at this point you just keep repeating the same days over and over and when we do that, well, nothing changes.

Even doing something out of your comfort zone would be good- do you do things outdoors? What about hobbies? Classes? Anything to change your day to day life will help rewire your brain.

Thinking of you, wishing you well and I hope you keep coming back here and asking for help. We are all rooting for you.

"In order to succeed we must first believe that we can."

PurpleKnight

Hey Mike, no one forces you go buy alcohol, if you sat in and didn't go anywhere Sobriety will happen, but doing something else is the key, distraction, some kind of activity.

How about posting here and checking in BEFORE going for that beer tomorrow morning?

Sunflowerlife

^^^^^^^What he said!!
I was having bad cravings a couple hours ago, came here first and was gracefully nudged to pour a bottle of wine down the drain. I did it. People that I don't even know helped me do it. I cannot tell you how proud of myself I am and how relieved that I didn't just throw 7 days down the drain. (no pun intended).

Anna

Just a reminder about the mandate in this Forum:

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

least

It's not easy, but it's simple. In order to get sober you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

teatreeoil007

In answer to your question: No, your posts yesterday were in no way embarrassing! So, don't worry about that. Honey, I ain't seen it all, but I've seen a lot and I don't get too embarrassed...It is what it is...

Friend, we've all been there! We know what it's like to be drunk, and/or to be wasted. We know what it's like to reach for that drink for whatever reason. Don't be embarrassed about your "reason" to drink!! Don't be ashamed either.

In my opinion SHAME is a huge roadblock to getting help and getting well. You've got to find a way to "drop the shame", friend. I know I did...and when I did, things started looking up for me.

One of the great things about this board is the fact that there is no condemnation when someone comes here looking for help.

You've got to believe in yourself, Mike. We believe in you.

So, try this: Put down the beer. Get some good coffee, if you are a coffee drinker...life is always better with good coffee IMO. And while I drink my coffee I savor the taste as it goes down and that makes life better somehow.

Am I a coffee snob? hmmmm. Never thought so, but maybe I am. I grind my own beans and make it VERY strong thats about all I know right now. "It is what it is..."

Keep checking in here as much as you need. You can do this. From the sounds of it, you're not happy right now and life could be better. You've GOT what it takes to make life better, friend! You've got it. You can do this.

JD4010

I agree, your posts were NOT embarrassing. However, they were very familiar. I've been right where you are, many times.

There's no one in this whole world who enjoys drinking as much as I do. Yet I stopped. I'm on day 11 or something. Drinking literally kills people like us because we can't stop at just one or two. I don't stop until I black out and pass out.

Anyway, we all know what this is like, Mike. And we are pulling for you!

Soberwolf

You got to want to be sober more than you want to drink

Stop buying alcohol & youl stop going round in circles